E K E T I @eketiette Twitter profile

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E K E T I

6 years

Are you one of those people who's looked back on 2017 and convinced yourself that you haven't achieved anything? Worried about catching up with your mates who seem to have done much better? Let me tell you a story about #time . A thread 👇

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E K E T I

@eketiette

4 years

"Today in Abuja, as protesters approached this traffic warden, he got scared and wanted to run. They crowded around him, gave him drinks, food, fruits, took selfies, and told him they see all their efforts. Shortly after they left, he bent over and cried." #PoliceReforms #ENDSWAT

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@eketiette

10 months

Nigerian fathers when their wives travel: *pushes bedroom door open and stomps inside daughter's room* "Your mother said she was going for only ten days. It's been four days and she's not yet back. If I talk now, they'll say I'm restricting her freedom."

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@eketiette

17 days

When I was about seven years old, I represented my school at an event. As my father dropped me off at the venue, he asked me if the school was bringing me back home. I said yes, that the school had arranged for a bus to take me home and he didn't need to come back for me.

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@eketiette

1 year

A lady who lives in my friend's compound, lost her husband and his people showed up from the village two days later to collect everything from her. As they began to harass her to bring the documents for the house, the car keys and cheque books, a neighbour overheard them.

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@eketiette

4 years

"Today, under the rain at Mile 3 Market, Port Harcourt, this lady stood at this spot with a stick and prevented waste plastic and school children from falling inside that drainage hole which was hidden by the water. You're my hero." - Numbere Sokeipiriye

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@eketiette

3 years

People would be angry/bitter at uncles & aunties for not taking care of them but not with the parents who had them with no future plans. Your parents have 8 kids but your uncle with 4 kids is wicked because his children travel for summer when you haven't paid school fees. How???

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@eketiette

1 year

Interesting, this tradition that demands that you inherit your brother's property, and not his debts. It doesn't tell you to care for your brother's orphans and widow. It gives you the right to only take and not give. Such a hollow tradition. Sounds like a tradition of thieves.

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@eketiette

3 years

Single Man: "A woman whose bride price I paid can't control me." Married Man: *reads post and shakes his head. He's running late but can't leave because Madam is wearing a new dress. He must zip it, patiently take 100 pictures of her from different angles and all must be fine*

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@eketiette

5 years

2B or not 2B, Brutus?

Ramin Nasibov

@RaminNasibov

5 years

Julius Cesar Pencil Holder

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@eketiette

4 years

Since no one else will do it, by the powers vested in me as a firstborn and assistant parent, I hereby declare February 28, the International Day of the First Born Child. For all our sacrifices/unwanted responsibilities. We deserve it. We will celebrate it. Viva la Firstborn!

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@eketiette

3 years

27 years old. His parents unknown in the political space. Kidnapped by six men. Rescued by SEAL. All he did to qualify is be American. 43 men of varying ages. Taken from their farms and beheaded. No rescue, outrage, or justice. All they did to qualify, was be Nigerian.

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@eketiette

3 years

No database for sex offenders. No database for violent criminals. No social security numbers. No true or exact population stats. No forensic or cold case departments. No dental records. No traffic cams. How exactly does the police work in this country?

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@eketiette

3 years

Argue with okada over change- ashawo. Live alone - ashawo. Get promoted at work - ashawo Go for a night stroll alone - ashawo Buy a car - ashawo. Tell a trader in the market not to touch you - ashawo Be a single mum - ashawo. Be an actual ashawo - ashawo.

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@eketiette

17 days

📸: A cute, frowning me and my daddy.

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@eketiette

5 years

Knew a girl in Enugu whose name was Consy. I always thought it was a cool name until one day, her mother called it in full. Her name is ConsiderTheWorksofTheLord. Consy for short.

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@DamiElebe

5 years

Guys. What's the razzest "English" name you've ever heard (Nigeria) I have one but I'm not gonna share. And if it is your name but you don't think it is razz but I do, sorry. Eg. Darlington, Endurance. I'm sorry o

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@eketiette

4 months

The lady who makes hair in my area got married last year. She got pregnant shortly after, but had a miscarriage in the third month. She was so distraught. She got pregnant again. I saw her two weeks ago and didn't like the looksm of her feet. They were so swollen.

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@eketiette

4 years

@SisiKhenie Our apartment in 2003. My roomate was standing right there in the middle of the room, shaking like a leaf. I was hunkered down on the floor. It was a self-con. There was light. One kicked down the door, scanned the room and said "Dem no dey," and left. God became realer to me.

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@eketiette

4 months

I asked ladies to share acts of kindness they've received and still receive from their husbands. See their responses in these screenshots.

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@eketiette

3 years

"Yesterday night at about 7pm, I was riding when I saw a dead body. Or so I thought. The body was still, in the middle of a residential area in Garki, Abuja. That’s not a regular sight, so I stopped. There where people around the body. “The man just slumped,” someone told me.

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@eketiette

6 years

Now I'm just going to add pictures of my parents for no reason whatsoever. Or maybe it's because I'm grateful they didn't kill me that day. 😂

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@eketiette

6 years

If you're in a hurry to achieve something because your contemporaries have, you may find yourself using the same ingredients, but failing to achieve anything good, because you wanted to have it all at once. #Time

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@eketiette

4 years

They say that by virtue of marriage you're from your husband's state. But he can't come from yours. Yet you can't run for office in his state or yours because you're not an indigène in either place. So, are we saying a married Nigerian woman is an internally displaced person? 🤔

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@eketiette

11 months

A few days ago, someone posted that they made okro soup with ₦1200 and there was a furore. A good number of people derided the author and said it wasn't possible. Now, I cannot tell you if it is impossible, but I can tell you about...

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@eketiette

4 years

Their generation: "OFF THE MIC!" A culture of silence and unaccountability. Our generation: "SÒRÒ SÓKÈ!" Building a culture of integrity and transparency. #EndSars #EndBadGovernance

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@eketiette

6 years

So it is with life. Our individual success stories are made up of different ingredients based on nature and nurture, time, hard work, talents, God's intervention etc. #Time

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@eketiette

4 years

Lagos, Abuja, Ogbomoso Police... Come and see your mates in Uyo. No guns in sight, walking with #SARSMUSTEND protesters and keeping the peace, as they should.

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@eketiette

6 years

"Wow! You're from Nigeria? I met a girl from Uganda once. Maybe you know her." "Sure. Uganda is the small village next to Nigeria. What's her name?" "Don't recall. So, how did you get to the US?" "I swam on the backs of my pet tigers, using the WiFi on the tip of my spear."

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@eketiette

6 years

Don't be like Eketi. 😂 Allow life and time cook you at your own pace, adding maturity, wisdom, self-control, discipline and success at the right moments. Trust me, at the end, you'll come out delicious. #Time

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@eketiette

17 days

So, he'd waited for me. And when I saw him, I didn't hesitate to go to him. For Christians, this is how we are sometimes. We're so sure that we know what we're doing. We're certain that friends, family, and colleagues have got our backs, and our plans will work.

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@eketiette

1 year

After the sale, she quietly relocated to Canada with her children. Her in-laws nearly choked to death. I chuckle every time I remember how they showed up again, to ascertain if the house had really been sold by the "bank" and that their brother didn't own it.

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@eketiette

4 years

My friend just had a baby abroad. Me: "What's that band around her wrist?" She: "It’s a monitor. A baby wears it in the 1st month, when the mother is most tired & may miss signs. If her heart rate/ BP drops/ breathing changes, the hospital will pick it up & send an ambulance."

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@eketiette

6 years

Give time, time. It is good to read autobiographies of successful people and long to be like them. But take your eyes away from the success for a moment and look at the time and effort it took them to arrive where they are. #Time

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@eketiette

4 years

This is a deeply spiritual moment in our country's history. We are dealing with principalities and powers. We're demanding that some deeply occultic people step down from power and account for their actions. They'll fight back, physically and spiritually. Pray for Nigeria now.

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@eketiette

3 years

The outpouring of love has been overwhelming. Two days ago he was on the floor, passed out and almost dead. Today he has a family. We probably can’t save the whole world but we can start from somewhere. One person at a time, is enough sometimes." - Bassey Ekpo Bassey.

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@eketiette

10 months

A Nigerian father will hype your cooking and food. But once his wife travels, he stops enjoying your meals. "There's too much salt in this food." "Why did you add so much pepper?" "This is not how your mother makes it." ☹️ "Has your mother said when she's coming back?"

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@eketiette

4 years

How are the husbands who insist on eating only fresh food every day, going to cope during this lockdown? The government didn't even consider them. Defrosted food for these kings? Oh, the horror! 😭

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@eketiette

17 days

He's been waiting for you to ask him for help, guidance, wisdom, and support. He enjoys being carried along in your plans and wants to be a part of your daily life. Ask him now. He's got you, and everything will work out well for you. Have a beautiful weekend and God bless you!

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@eketiette

17 days

If you're in a situation like this and things are going awry, go back and ask the Lord to show you the way forward. I tell you, he's right there waiting. Don't be afraid or ashamed to run back to him. He already knew what would happen and knows how to fix things.

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@eketiette

4 years

Dear Dog Owner, If you're in the habit of saying, "Come in, they don't bite," to your guests, stop it! It's callous and annoying. Respect their fear - it's real - and put away your dogs until your guests leave.

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@eketiette

1 year

Do you know these men had left? They fled and left their brother's widow alone to face alleged bankers her late husband was supposedly owing. They hurried off to tell the whole community that everything the man had been displaying was on loan; that he was poor and owned nothing.

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@eketiette

5 years

There's a war on women in Abuja, by the Nigerian Police Force. Returning from a literary event by 9pm, the Taxify driver asked me to sit in front with him. "It's better if they think we're husband and wife." At a checkpoint, a policeman pointedly asked him if we were married.

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@eketiette

6 years

Anyhow, I hope you enjoyed reading this. Like, retweet and follow...in that order. Merry Christmas, mes amis and a fulfilling new year to you.

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@eketiette

1 year

@tam_godwin You directed it; you should know.

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@eketiette

4 years

27-year-old Shamma bint Suhail Faris Al Mazrui born in 1993, is Minister of State for Youth Affairs in United Arab Emirates. In 2016, she became the youngest government minister in the world. Her Nigerian counterpart, Sunday Akin Dare, was born in 1966. He's 54-years-old.

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@eketiette

4 years

When I began visiting the female section of prisons, I was struck by the ratio of female visitors who were there for the male inmates, to the men who were there to see the women. More often than not, female inmates were visited by mothers/sisters than by male partners/family.

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@eketiette

17 days

"I'm here for my daughter," he said. I turned around in disbelief and our eyes met. It really was him! Light would envy the speed with which I flew into his arms and he held me like he would never let go. "Daddy, they left without me," I said, sniffling. "There was no bus."

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@eketiette

5 years

"I caught my Ex cheating. I confronted him and ignored the lady. He turned the matter on my head. He said, 'You walked in on me and a girl who's trying to destroy our relationship and instead of you to beat her, you're fighting me. Is that how you'll fight for us?'"

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@eketiette

6 years

An illness that's spanned 18 years. No cure, they say. Several surgeries. Many cancelled meetings & hangouts- the pain was so bad, I couldn't walk. Don't feel sorry for me. Rather, rejoice in my miracle. That every day, I can laugh. As in, I've got real joy. See eh, God is good!

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@eketiette

6 years

Dating without sex builds deeper intimacy and a friendship that's altogether good for your relationship.

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@MooreForAll

6 years

Whats your Unpopular opinion for dating?

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@eketiette

17 days

"I know," he said. "How did you know and come back for me?" "I just knew," he replied. You see, even though I'd assured him I was going to be brought home, he knew what I didn't know - that my school had made no arrangements for a bus and no one was going to take me home.

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@eketiette

6 years

Good things take time. No matter how hard you wish, a pregnancy will only be full term at the end of nine months. #Time

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@eketiette

17 days

We tell ourselves that nothing can go wrong. And so, we don't bother asking the Lord what he thinks; if we should go on, wait, or stop. We run ahead of him and do as we want. Then when things go bad, we watch in despair as our plans and backups fail and wonder how it happened.

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@eketiette

1 year

A fellow on this app once said, "Our tradition dictates that a man inherit his late brother's property. It is my right. His wife is not part of his family. The moment he dies, their contract is done."

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@eketiette

1 year

This worked in the woman's favour, because they didn't ask her to bring a dime for the funeral. After the man was buried, one of the neighbours who had showed up to protect her against her thieving in-laws, helped her collect her husband's benefits and sell the house.

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@eketiette

5 years

- Some of us own houses now. - Some of us like our parents' houses and they're not chasing us away. - Marriage is not a reward for good behaviour. - Not all of us want to get married. P/S: In whose houses do rude and careless single men stay?🤔

Akinbosola ogunsanya

@MrAkinbosola

5 years

Being rude and careless as a single lady will earn you nothing but a longer stay in your father's house

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@eketiette

4 years

Today SWAT. Tomorrow, it will be Hawaii 5.0 Then maybe NCIS Gbagada. #EndSWAT

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@eketiette

6 years

I'm angry. A Nigerian school hires a SAN to defend a teacher against a 3 y/old's accusation of sexual impropriety. When I read that headline, I felt a heavy ball drop in my stomach. A potpourri of pain, incandescent rage, horror etc. I have been there. I was 3.

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@eketiette

6 years

Very early on, I knew the PANTS rule. P- Private parts are private. A - Always remember that your body is yours. N- No means no. T- There are no secrets from Mummy. S - Say something, so I can do something about it.

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@eketiette

6 years

Every good cook knows that each ingredient has a different cooking time. Thus, they shouldn't be added to the pot all at once. If that is done, it'll ruin the taste of the food. #Time

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@eketiette

5 years

2009/2019. Like fine wine. My #10yearchallenge .

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@eketiette

1 year

One of her brothers-in-law opened the door and told them to go away, that they were having a family meeting. The three men ignored him and barged into the house. They said they were from the bank, that the late man owed millions in debt and they were there to pack his things.

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@eketiette

10 months

"Daddy, it's only been four days!" "Ehen? Four days, ten days, what's the difference? What's she going to do there that she can't finish in four days and come home? Must she stay the whole ten days?" "Awwwwn...you're missing her."

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@eketiette

4 years

Every day, in a certain town, the Poor Man goes to the house of the Rich Man. He joins the crowd at the gate, made up mostly of other men like him and boys. They sit there patiently until the hour comes for the Rich Man to feed them.

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@eketiette

4 years

A little over three months ago, the University of Nigeria, UNN, published her admissions list. The students who had been granted admission went there, paid their fees and registered. They even had lectures for about three months before the ASUU strike and Covid-19 struck.

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@eketiette

1 year

He went and called three other men who were around in the compound and briefed them on what was happening. These men dressed up; one of them, a policeman who was off duty, put o his uniform. Together, they went to her door and knocked.

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@eketiette

4 years

"Do not say, 'I am an iroko', when the forest is burning; do not say, 'I am an ogbeche', when the forest is burning. Our differences will not prevent us from perishing together. So, when the drums sound, let everybody answer." The Revolution Has No Tribe! #EndSarsNow

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@eketiette

3 years

Dear men who are sole providers for entire families in these hard times...how are you coping? I hope you find help when you need it and rest when you can. God bless you.

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@eketiette

4 years

"A man goes to his rich neighbours house in distress. His neighbour is the community leader. He says, "Sir, I came to tell you that your son broke into my house again. He killed my son, raped my daughters, stole my money and set my house on fire."

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@eketiette

5 years

My grandfather, Akparika, has fifty-two children. As is the case with nearly every family, one of his children stood out above the rest. In ours, it was Uncle Naitura; Uncle Naitu for short. Uncle Naitu used to be very handsome. Tall, dark with beards that actually connect...

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@eketiette

6 years

I'm on the phone with a friend who's married. He pauses and says to his wife in the background, "Baby, stop. Don't put your boobs in my face. Baby...sto...." Pause. Then, "Eketi, let me call you back. I can't concentrate." Then hangs up. Me and my single self are like:

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@eketiette

3 years

Dear Self, You've lived this life and you've lived it well. Here's to many more years of joyful, purposeful, exciting and adventurous living. Happy birthday!

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@eketiette

6 years

"My husband has been raping my 11 year old sister for a year. What do I do?" Nigerians: "Forgive him. Don't break up your marriage." Dear Nigerian Society, This will continue to happen as long as we keep telling our daughters that marriage is a woman's greatest achievement.

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@eketiette

10 months

"Me? Miss who? Mtscheeeww. A woman who has been married for so many years, yet is so comfortable abandoning her matrimonial home for what I don't know." "Don't worry. She'll soon be back."

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@eketiette

1 year

While they were outside, this woman's neighbours told her their plan and assured her that they wouldn't let anything bad happen to her. Ten minutes later, her brothers-in-law, husband's uncle and cousin had still not returned. One of the men went to check on them.

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@eketiette

10 months

The man takes his phone back and says, "Mine, you've heard. The children are missing you. When are you coming back? They need their mother." At that last comment, his children, all in their 20s and 30s, burst into raucous laughter. Need who? Papa, speak for yourself, abeg.

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@eketiette

4 years

It's a good day to be a year older. Surrounded by people who love me; this is all I could ever hope for. I am blessed.

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@eketiette

6 years

“Where are you from?” “Nigeria.” “That's in the country of Africa, right?” “No, the continent.” “Where did you learn to speak such good English?” "I listened to the BBC on my radio made out of coconut fibres, while resting on two lions which serve as my pillows."

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@eketiette

5 years

This is so cute, I'm tempted to 'God when' 😍

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@eketiette

4 years

A country where you pay for the exams and still have to buy scratch cards to see your results. Where you have to buy abacha and Jollof rice with chilled Malt, for an admin staff, so they can get off their lazy behind and forward your transcript which you still paid for. Ptueh!

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@eketiette

3 years

Addendum: If you read this thread and instead of love and patience, all you see is abuse or it makes you scared or marriage, perhaps it's time you find and observe healthy relationships and marriages. Love always changes people.

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@eketiette

3 years

A female doctor is not a nurse. A male nurse is not a doctor. A male nurse is not doing a woman's job. A pharmacist is not a doctor. A pharmacy owner is not a doctor. A drug peddler in a bus is not a doctor. A resident is not a baby doctor. A midwife is not a doctor.

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@eketiette

1 year

The wife was shocked. The man's people were shocked. Their spokesman said, "Officer, sirs, let us hold a small meeting outside. We'll be back." They went outside to have a family tete-a-tete.

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@eketiette

6 years

Why I won't be a #bridesmaid ever again. A thread 👇 @Alvinattor @anafricandiva @Iamplumpy @ememesi

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@eketiette

6 years

You earn 80k a month. Now a new job is offering 625k a month plus benefits. But your husband doesn't want you to take it because you'll earn more than him and travel out. And you're asking us what you should do. Auntie, mbok send me the firm's email. I want to forward my résumé.

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@eketiette

3 years

On Project/Master's Thesis Defence in Nigerian Federal Universities - A thread: "We had to pay hotel bills for the members of the panel. You could also offer sex, if your supervisor is the devil's apprentice. Transport money inclusive." - Erdoo N.

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@eketiette

6 years

Women: We've been sexually assaulted. Men: We've been sexually assaulted too. When will you talk about us? Terry Crews: I was assaulted. Men: Big man like you? You let it happen. You must have wanted it. Why didn't you speak up since? You're not serious. Such a pick me.

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@eketiette

4 years

Dear Guys, Men's shirts are made long for a reason; so women can wear them as short dresses. Wearing it makes us feel closer to you, especially if your cologne is on it. Talmbout, "Babe, stop wearing my stuff. Your boobs have stretched my shirt." Our shirt, plis dear.😒

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@eketiette

4 years

You, a man, really do cross the street if you see three girls walking in your direction? Terror strikes your heart if a girl is walking behind you as you stroll home at 7pm? You hesitate to board a cab at night with two girls seated behind and one girl in front? LMAO!!!

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@eketiette

6 years

"Ideghe afere anke bogo anye abok tungho isua, k'enye atutungho idagha m? Literal translation: "Is that the soup I asked her to cook since, that she's cooking now?" Life translation: "I'm going to kill her." #Time

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@eketiette

10 months

"That's her business. Better call her and remind her that she has a husband o. Call her now o. Mtscheeeww." *Daughter giggles* *Nigerian father gives bombastic side eye* "What's funny? You don't want her to come back, abi? Nke that She's gone, you van lie in bed all day and...

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@eketiette

17 days

When the event ended, I couldn't find any of my teachers. The only classmate I found, her parents came for her. Turns out, there was no bus; everyone had left on their own. Despondent and terrified, I squatted down on the steps of Sacred Heart Cathedral and quietly began to cry.

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@eketiette

4 years

The problem began when we were taught not to view them as what they are: PUBLIC SERVANTS. They taught us to call them Daddy, Mummy, Boss, Chief, etc. So, we'd have to beg and grovel for basic amenities we pay for and revere them rather than demand for accountability. #EndSars

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@eketiette

3 years

Single Man: "I'm a titled man. I don't have time for nonsense romantic play." Married Man: *reluctantly wears wife's bra and bum shorts and catwalks across the bedroom for the 3rd time while she giggles and hails him as The Odogwu 1 of Ikwokirikwo Land*

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@eketiette

6 years

Dear Nigerian make up artists, See how Meghan Markle still looks like Meghan Markle. Not an example of the Transformation Agenda many of you carry out on the faces of our women. Take note. #royalwedding

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@eketiette

10 months

...be lazy. How do I even know that you're not the one who chased her away? You've made her talk so much, she's now uncomfortable in her own home. This was your plan, abi? It won't work! Let me go and call my wife." *Storms out and slams bedroom door*

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@eketiette

3 years

Some of our parents have realised the errors in the way they raised us and are trying to reach out, apologise and make amends. If yours do and you want to reconnect, don't let anyone dissuade you. Meet them halfway. Forgive. Choose love over anger & enjoy them while they're here.

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@eketiette

17 days

How was I going to get home? My house was far away. I didn't know the way, being that I was a child who was chauffered everywhere. Why had I not just told my dad to come for me? As I squatted there crying, I suddenly heard a familiar voice behind me. The voice of my father.

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@eketiette

4 years

Years ago, my father said something to me that was a teaching moment. A former tenant had owed rent for almost three years. Then his light disconnected by NEPA. When they left, he began to tap light illegally. If NEPA came for an inspection, my father would have to pay the bill.

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@eketiette

6 years

"Shake table, shake table....until you go and scatter the one the Lord prepared for you in the presence of your enemies."

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