Name can be blank @dankcharnley Twitter profile

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Name can be blank

@dankcharnley

2 months

I grew up in a poor family. We didn't have much, but we had each other. And that was the worst part.

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@dankcharnley

6 months

he died doing what he loved: eating unhealthy foods over a very long period of time

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@dankcharnley

1 month

No one likes my sewing jokes, it seams. (My loneliness is paralyzing.)

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@dankcharnley

1 month

He died doing what he loved: commuting to work on a pogo stick

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@dankcharnley

3 months

I always forget which wine pairs best with a McRib?

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@dankcharnley

3 months

Post Malone looks like the kid from elementary school who could flip his eyelids inside out.

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@dankcharnley

2 months

he died doing what he loved: avoiding a death sentence

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@dankcharnley

1 year

Please don't open a new can of whoop ass when there is already an opened one in the refrigerator.

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@dankcharnley

9 months

Don't beat an alive horse either.

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@dankcharnley

3 months

he died doing what he loved: trying to find out if gang members are ticklish

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@dankcharnley

2 months

50-year-old drunk bully: "Your mouth is writing checks your body can't cash." 20-year-old: "What's a check?"

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@dankcharnley

2 years

Which Beatles song is the one about liking big butts and not lying about it?

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@dankcharnley

4 months

I said I was a "bawler" not a "baller." I meant that I cry a lot.

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@dankcharnley

3 months

Growing up poor was hard, but it made me who I am today. A bitter, resentful, and miserable person.

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@dankcharnley

10 months

i am intensely passionate about not rock-climbing

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@dankcharnley

3 months

i'm not mad, i'm just disappointed...and also mad

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@dankcharnley

1 year

💪

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@dankcharnley

7 months

What is your favorite movie about lamb silence?

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@dankcharnley

2 months

trying to generate electricity by rubbing two overdue notices together

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@dankcharnley

3 months

What's your favorite song about not being able to touch this?

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@dankcharnley

1 year

I'm sorry your boyfriend took one philosophy class and now he talks like a magician.

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@dankcharnley

7 months

A McRib killed my tapeworm.

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@dankcharnley

11 months

People say I'm too suggestive in my writing - my throbbing, girthy, moist writing.

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@dankcharnley

9 months

He died doing what he loved: meeting people on Craigslist to buy furniture.

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@dankcharnley

7 months

letter to my ex: sorry i sounded like the guy from the B-52s every time we made love

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@dankcharnley

1 year

It's weird that you need money to stay alive.

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@dankcharnley

3 months

Shark tooth necklaces are the perfect accessory if you want to look tough but also tell the world, "i’ve been to a gift shop."

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@dankcharnley

1 year

Steven Seagal always looks like he just ate a vampire:

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@dankcharnley

6 months

I'm at a bar on Christmas Eve by myself watching a group of guys try to see who can do the most pushups. My life is going exactly as planned

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@dankcharnley

1 year

I always forget which wine pairs best with a McRib?

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@dankcharnley

8 months

got kicked out of another gang for bringing spinach casserole to the trap house

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@dankcharnley

10 months

What's your favorite movie about a loose foot?

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@dankcharnley

2 years

A mustache is just mouth bangs.

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@dankcharnley

8 years

My 2nd wife Cathy left me for a guy who has a cane with a sword in it, so I can't be that mad.

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@dankcharnley

10 months

more like mac-a-lonely and cheese

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@dankcharnley

1 year

I went from rags to one rag.

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@dankcharnley

1 year

He died doing what he loved - meeting people from Craigslist to buy furniture.

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@dankcharnley

1 year

Which Beatles song is the one about liking big butts and not lying about it?

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@dankcharnley

2 years

one of my favorite hobbies is not rock-climbing

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@dankcharnley

1 year

People say I'm too sexually suggestive in my writing - my throbbing, girthy, moist writing.

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@dankcharnley

4 months

just found out that dolphins are mammals. what the fuck. why are they in the ocean then. get out of there you freaks

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@dankcharnley

10 months

i'll bet johnny depp is somewhere cool right now, wearing like 7 scarves

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@dankcharnley

5 months

i am intensely passionate about the art of not rock climbing

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@dankcharnley

8 months

couldn't overdose on pancakes today 😫

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@dankcharnley

2 months

never take advice from a man with a hole cut into his fedora for a ponytail

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@dankcharnley

7 months

My résumé is just a CVS receipt with a sketch of me sharing spaghetti and meatballs with a dolphin.

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@dankcharnley

2 months

My junk drawer is like a museum of things I thought I'd need someday.

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@dankcharnley

1 year

he died doing what he loved - eating unhealthy food over a very long period of time

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@dankcharnley

2 months

If you ask me, the only way to slice pizza is with your cowboy boot spurs.

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@dankcharnley

8 months

Sorry I broke up with you out of nowhere, but you always fuck up the bag inside of the cereal box.

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@dankcharnley

7 months

got kicked out of another gang for bringing spinach casserole to the trap house

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@dankcharnley

1 year

What's your favorite movie about wolves dancing?

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@dankcharnley

11 months

everyone hates my beaver puns but i don't give a dam (my loneliness is paralyzing)

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@dankcharnley

1 month

If I ever get married, I'm absolutely going to say my vows like the dude from the B-52s.

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@dankcharnley

9 months

"YOU WANT BEEF WITH ME?!?!" - very confrontational Lo Mein

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@dankcharnley

1 year

I don't mean to brag, but my "sex" face is also my "bowling ball slowly approaching the gutter" face.

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@dankcharnley

1 year

What's your favorite movie about boots with puss in them?

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@dankcharnley

9 years

I think my wife is having an affair with my sensei Chad. I found a karate gi under the bed and it's not mine. I'm a yellow belt.

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@dankcharnley

8 years

i just farted & positioned the fan to blow it into my stepson Daniels face . im drunk & this is whta i live for besides makin luv to his mom

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@dankcharnley

11 months

these kids today and their not knowing about the references i know about

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@dankcharnley

9 months

i can only climax to people canceling plans that they made

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@dankcharnley

11 months

before i die, i want to see an argument between johnny depp and russell brand about who has more scarves

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@dankcharnley

1 year

🤟

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@dankcharnley

3 months

this could be us but u playin

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@dankcharnley

7 months

"YOU FUCKING WANT A PIECE OF ME, PUNK?" -very aggressive cake

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@dankcharnley

9 months

it was me, i was eating gilbert grape

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@dankcharnley

9 years

My wife surprised me with a new pair of Crocs, so I made love to her very hard. I love you, Cathy!!

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@dankcharnley

6 months

People say I'm too sexually suggestive in my writing - my throbbing, girthy, moist writing.

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@dankcharnley

2 years

damn girl are you a new credit card cuz you've had 0 interest for several months

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@dankcharnley

2 years

friends have called me the poor man's "even poorer man"

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@dankcharnley

9 months

What's your favorite movie about eating, praying and loving?

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@dankcharnley

4 months

on my way to steal ur girl

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@dankcharnley

9 years

I'm looking to connect with other cool stepdads out there . Let's chat!a no funny business tho, haha. I love my wife

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@dankcharnley

6 months

I only brush the teeth that people can see...which is none, because smiling is a sign of weakness.

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@dankcharnley

9 months

call me unorthodox, but i hate both the player AND the game

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@dankcharnley

11 months

sorry i'm late, but i was febrezing my rat tail in the Arby's bathroom again

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@dankcharnley

9 months

i'm allowed to make fat jokes because i am part fat

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@dankcharnley

3 months

St. Patrick's Day is the open mic night of alcoholism.

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6 months

when i get married, instead of saying "i do," i'm just going to play the saxophone

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@dankcharnley

9 months

you still got it, old white guy with a hoop earring. you still got it

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@dankcharnley

1 year

What is your favorite movie about trading places? Mine is "The Prestige."

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@dankcharnley

9 months

damn girl are you the bus that took me to school cuz you're short as hell

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@dankcharnley

6 months

Big job interview next week, gang! Wish me luck!!

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@dankcharnley

11 months

just drank a fifth of pancake batter, dare me to drive?

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@dankcharnley

5 months

whoever coined the word "lisp" is a dick for putting an "s" in there

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@dankcharnley

9 months

What is your favorite movie about a few good men?

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@dankcharnley

1 year

What is your favorite movie about juice from a beetle?

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@dankcharnley

10 months

stuart little's parents were never married, that little rat bastard!

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@dankcharnley

3 months

I don’t have a drinking problem. I have a drinking hobby. It’s extremely expensive and time-consuming.

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@dankcharnley

29 days

If you cut a mullet, it grows back longer and more poverty-stricken.

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@dankcharnley

1 year

What's your favorite movie about a throat that is deep?

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@dankcharnley

1 year

Woke up and this was in my bed. 😫 I think I've really angered the mob this time!

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@dankcharnley

9 years

very thankful for my 3rd wife Kathy's great ass! Looking good honey! Evan at ur age you rev my engine !! I'm drunk early and ready to f

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@dankcharnley

1 year

HEY EVERYONE, SHE SAID YES!!! (i asked if she wanted me to leave her alone)

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@dankcharnley

7 months

there is a special place in my heart for trans fats

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@dankcharnley

9 years

I got too drunk and grabbed my wife's butt in front of my stepson. It might have been his butt I don't know . I'm hammered as s crap

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@dankcharnley

10 months

it's hard out here for an incredibly sensitive thug

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@dankcharnley

11 months

i have some landfill jokes, but honestly they're all garbage (my loneliness is paralyzing)

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@dankcharnley

1 year

That awkward moment when you wake up each morning.

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@dankcharnley

9 months

i wonder which one of johnny depp's scarves will inherit his fortune

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