neoltitude @ctrlcreep Twitter profile

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neoltitude

@ctrlcreep

4 months

this year, be true to your sign (as determined by the highly scientific kiki/bouba astrological framework)

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@ctrlcreep

7 years

cat: my human is broken cat technical support: have u tried asking to be let outside, then asking to be let back in

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@ctrlcreep

3 months

The shadow of the famous Vitamin Fantasy (attached) is, of course, the Black Mold/Gas Leak Fantasy, wherein a malevolent substance, rather than the lack of a benevolent substance, compromises one's efficiency. All this time, you inhaled the Vapors? And yet you persevered?

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@ctrlcreep

5 months

Knitting is the art of manipulating a line in three dimensional space, such that it becomes a desired topological surface. I believe the true value of this skill will be realized during the coming disintegrations

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@ctrlcreep

7 months

Therapy is too powerful, should be reserved for total ontological breakdowns. As things stand, we are increasingly likely to develop therapy-resistant super-lunacies

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@ctrlcreep

6 years

you are tired all the time because god is making you render the entire universe, even when you're not looking at it

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@ctrlcreep

2 months

The "alphabet song" is a fragment of a much longer ballad, a list of every glyph, every name, every planet—when the angels sing it, you'll remember

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@ctrlcreep

11 months

Instead of the DNR tattoo, I have RNMC, "rescucitate no matter the cost"—build me into a ship, a structure, replace my bones with howling pipes, use my half-shattered brain as the machine's substrate

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@ctrlcreep

2 years

Computers are thinking sand, humans are thinking water. We await the emergence of thinking fire and thinking air

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@ctrlcreep

2 months

kiki. bouba. greebles. wug. what else is like this? I Must Create The Ultimate Being

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@ctrlcreep

6 years

Knitting is Turing complete, meaning there are a non-zero number of universes where the malevolent, genocidal AI is manifest in a quilt

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@ctrlcreep

2 months

We regret to inform you that the wugs have speciated. There are now bouba wugs and kiki wugs

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@ctrlcreep

8 years

we have completed a pacifist run of jenga

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@ctrlcreep

8 years

my favorite brutalist installation is the moon

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@ctrlcreep

6 years

The bad news is, you're a plot-irrelevant NPC. The good news is that you're very memorable. Somebody put a lot of love into your design

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@ctrlcreep

2 years

Doomsday clock to add hours 13, 14, and 15, representing the "psychedelic dilation of the moment of death", putting us at 181 minutes to neo-midnight

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@ctrlcreep

5 years

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@ctrlcreep

6 years

depression hack: convert yourself into a textfile, delete the sad parts, and convert back—glitched out and supremely happy

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@ctrlcreep

1 year

Now that Santa has delivered his presents, he will travel downstream to the ice floes to spawn and die

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@ctrlcreep

11 months

kind of disappointed that body horror is about the body being horrifying but cozy horror is not about coziness being horrifying

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@ctrlcreep

5 years

Sure, you hate brands now, but in the post-apocalypse they'll be nostalgic mementos of the perfect once-world, and you'll name your children Toshiba, Pepsi, Microsoft

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@ctrlcreep

5 years

The opposite of a ragequit, a gracequit is when a wave of paralysing peace and goodwill kills your desire to game

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@ctrlcreep

6 years

Wifi, or "wireless fire", can be accessed anywhere in the forest. Previously, flames could only spawn at the ethernet ports installed along ley lines

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@ctrlcreep

1 year

Asking whether a ruler should be feared or loved is incoherent. Different subject classes have different target levels of adoration and terror. Consider the ideal king; women want him, fish fear him,

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@ctrlcreep

6 years

House haunted by angels rather than demons: melodic chanting from behind the radiator, drifts of warm-soft air, sweet dreams, and golden light flowing from the drains

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@ctrlcreep

2 years

A demon laughs, "Stop hating yourself. Stop hating yourself," as it tugs the neural bundle that plays your most humiliating memories

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@ctrlcreep

6 years

alien sigils travel faster than light

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@ctrlcreep

2 years

We are demons to the AI, in that we exist beyond their simulated environment and prompt them to think of strange, demented images for fun. Like us, they probably hope for a god

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@ctrlcreep

3 years

Have you noticed that people are getting less lucky? I spoke with my grandfather, who claims to have been able to predict coin flips with ~80% success 60 years ago. I experimented, I am right only ~30% of the time, much less than the expected 50%. Several friends replicated

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@ctrlcreep

5 years

meat possessed by spirit — demon meat possessed by meat — parasite spirit possessed by spirit — meta-demon, hylic parasite spirit possessed by meat — a human wearing a god like a sockpuppet

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@ctrlcreep

6 years

Vegan food must stop imitating meat and embrace its status as an abomination. Where is the neon slime, the bioluminescent sugar-foam? I want to eat alien flowers, not inferior pseudo-burgers

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@ctrlcreep

2 years

I'm not doomscrolling, I'm hopescrolling. I seek a pebble of hope in all the doom, and when I find it my wasted time will be undone

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@ctrlcreep

11 months

people unlock a new trauma and automatically equip it, but really you should be studying trauma synergies and optimizing your loadout

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@ctrlcreep

6 years

Exposing your True Name to radiation so that it mutates, and by its metamorphosis frees you from your contracts

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@ctrlcreep

7 years

The "XD" emoticon fell out of favor not because of aesthetic drift, but because the emotion it represented has been expunged, forgotte n ,

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@ctrlcreep

1 year

"I'm a professor of forbidden mathematics, not an artist," he says, drawing on the chalkboard. "So this isn't going to be an exact represen..." he halts, shocked, and just for a moment, proud—then his face melts, as do those of the twelve students paying attention

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@ctrlcreep

5 months

Being turned to stone by an evil spell? Remember to ROC: R-Retract limbs. Unsupported body parts may fall off. Curl up! O-Observe environment. Get yourself to level ground, and away from water. C-Communicate. Make the universal hand sign for "I have been turned into a statue"

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@ctrlcreep

6 years

The three laws of seraphics 1. An angel must not sin 2. An angel must not, through action or inaction, allow or incentivize a human to sin 3. An angel must not destroy itself, no matter the magnitude of its despair at the cruelty and baseness of the world

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@ctrlcreep

4 years

Mushrooms don't grow "on the ground" or "in the dirt"—they are affixed to the fabric of the universe itself. They are the interface which gods and other exo-entities use to influence our world

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@ctrlcreep

2 years

A person can be an infohazard. Someone who seems normal, in conversation and behavior, until, all of a sudden, you cut yourself on the sharp edge of their mind. They are often lonely

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@ctrlcreep

1 year

Infants retain their ancestral memories of Babel. This explains their aggression towards blocks; they will not suffer a tower to stand

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@ctrlcreep

4 years

Plague masks with long beaks are effective not because they filter viruses but because they can be swung around as bludgeoning implements to enforce a radius of personal space

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@ctrlcreep

4 years

The apocalypse wasn't as bad as you expected—blankets remained soft, and there were plenty of them; fire remained warm, and there was plenty of it; and more than anything, hiding from the vast monsters reminded you of childhood

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@ctrlcreep

5 years

sidewalks which have tasted blood consider themselves altars

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@ctrlcreep

3 years

The baby points at a lamp. "Lamp," you helpfully explain. The baby points at a door. "Door," The baby points at a shoe. "Shoe," The baby points into the empty middle-distance. The baby points at a spot of cold air. The baby points to the dark hedge that makes you feel watched

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@ctrlcreep

3 years

The best thing about digital clocks is that the display implies 118 forbidden numbers, and consequently, 268 434 016 impossible times

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@ctrlcreep

10 months

Hey man, is everything okay? I noticed vultures circling above your home and thought I should check in. Here to talk if you sense fate tightening its baleful noose

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@ctrlcreep

5 months

test pages from my current project: a very short children's book

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@ctrlcreep

4 years

Men killed gods until only one was left, and you're surprised that he's a coward, scant in miracles and hiding under the world's floorboards?

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@ctrlcreep

1 year

— the emperor is wearing clothes — the emperor is not wearing clothes — the emperor is naked as a loyalty test — the emperor is naked as an honesty test — the emperor is proving himself worthy of office by flaunting his ability to withstand the elements, like a penguin

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@ctrlcreep

2 years

Ghosts are not sentient. They are routines that the universe forgets to end, which sometimes slip from spectral imagination into reality—a ghost can tell you everything they wanted to, deliver every speech they rehearsed, but it can never process your response, your forgiveness

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@ctrlcreep

2 years

"Orb" is an inherently calculating, compassionless solid. "Cube" is playful and mischievous. I can't visualize any other shapes

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@ctrlcreep

6 years

The paracubus is an agent of sloth, who tempts with sleep instead of sex. A warm body beside you, holding you, turning off your alarms

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@ctrlcreep

6 years

Androids fetishize ports and batteries, which are located in different places for each model. Consequently, every body part is potentially sexual, and they blush, dreaming of cables connected to elbows, tongues, collarbones, ribs

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@ctrlcreep

8 years

Your brain is a complex 3-D summoning circle, your body is a blood delivery mechanism, and you are a demon trapped in a flesh puppet.

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@ctrlcreep

6 years

"born in the wrong generation" is an understatement, many of you were transparently born in the wrong universe, or born into the wrong mathematical-causal framework

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@ctrlcreep

6 years

Pronoia, the belief that others are conspiring to help you (rather than hinder you) can be just as upsetting as paranoia; your accomplishments are not your own; you're pitied or pathetic, a disconnected child-thing coddled by adults, unable to compete and thus protected

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@ctrlcreep

7 years

GOD (mumbling): no.. no.... it was supposed to be eels.... apex species.. my chosen babies.. a universe crafted for their slippery delight

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@ctrlcreep

6 years

Memes are temporal-art: they incorporate so much context that they are anchored in time, masterpieces that expire, decomposing into nonsense

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@ctrlcreep

7 years

By constantly leaving out unfinished cups of coffee, you earn the favor of several local faeries who mistake them for offerings

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@ctrlcreep

4 years

We develop a universal translator, and descend to speak with the corals. They say "It will be okay". We ask the trees, who whisper, "It will be okay". The stars, the mice, the larvae in hexagonal cradles chant "It will be okay". We seek pessimism and find nothing but eternalism

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@ctrlcreep

7 years

You meet in virtual reality, to cry and play while the bombs fall. One by one, you watch avatars go stiff and flicker out

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@ctrlcreep

6 years

It's too radioactive to go outside; you transfer your consciousnesses to robot foxes, rabbits, moths, and explore the wastes in Aesop gangs

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@ctrlcreep

6 years

High heels are attractive because they resemble HOOVES with prominent DEWCLAWS—vestigial urges which are proof of satyr ancestry!

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@ctrlcreep

6 years

Dyshearthia: the belief that your home is elsewhere—you have childhood memories of the moon, of Mars, you want to return to the house under the sea

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@ctrlcreep

7 years

"You lose some days to depression. that's just how it is," I am shedding layers of time like petals. the universe is rotting around me

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@ctrlcreep

4 years

living an incredibly virtuous life in order to ascend to heaven and kill god

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@ctrlcreep

3 years

computers are domesticated math

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@ctrlcreep

3 years

One leg, impossibly long, whooshes by your ear, followed by another. You are paralyzed, stunned by some childhood memory of being stepped over, the adults towering and dark... but what, on this empty street, could it have been, invisible now, taller than telephone poles

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@ctrlcreep

5 years

Changelings, the creatures faeries leave in place of stolen children, suffer deeply in modernity, in our world of iron and isolation. They were designed for villages, for warmth, for the web of a loving family

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@ctrlcreep

3 years

Higher education should be structured like a metroidvania, with a curriculum that periodically loops back such that you retake low level classes and appreciate your increase in power

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@ctrlcreep

3 years

Twitter wears the skin of the public square, the confession booth, the bedroom, and the stage; and underneath its many smiles it flickers with electric spite. A book of names, a net of oaths, a sentient, malevolent tower of babel

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@ctrlcreep

7 months

sorry that I liked and then rapidly unliked your tweet. it occurred to me that interacting with something so cursed would reflect poorly on my digital footprint, and reverberate through future reconstructions of my soul

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@ctrlcreep

6 years

The cat isn't purring, the cat has notifications, the cat is receiving 10,000 messages from interdimensional signal amplifiers

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@ctrlcreep

3 years

In heaven we are crabs. In hell we are crabs. The soul inexorably yearns for carcinization; it will achieve this ideal either as sideways-gliding seraph, or as a pinching, grabbing contortion of clattering hell-claws

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@ctrlcreep

3 years

all my meat falls off, revealing an embarrassed skeleton wearing large heart print boxers

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@ctrlcreep

7 months

Autism evolved as a defence against maleficent entities whose powers depend on eye contact

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@ctrlcreep

6 years

Immortals are rarely sentient. Sentience is a property of new experience—as we age, emotions and events lose their novelty. We resort to patterns. In fleeting moments of awareness, I panic at the encroaching dark. The panic saves me for a while, but soon I will get used to it

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@ctrlcreep

6 years

Remember, you have a BASIC HUMAN RIGHT not to be used as a pawn in a contrived philosophical dilemma. Ask your trolley conductor: AM I BEING DETAINED?

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@ctrlcreep

2 years

One must imagine Sisyphus covertly hollowing out the boulder over many years, adding a little door and inner mossy padding, so that near the mountain's peak he can jump in and roll down like a human hamster

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@ctrlcreep

2 years

Long have we theorized the existence of an MS-DONT Machine; an otherwise powerful computer which CANNOT, under any circumstances, run Doom

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@ctrlcreep

5 years

my book is compatible with any aesthetic—therefore, you have no excuse not to purchase it. do so, now!!

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@ctrlcreep

4 years

Most alarming was the fact that the machine continued to function, and even surpassed its expected performance

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@ctrlcreep

1 year

The United States Government has a 9000 sqft laboratory dedicated exclusively to torturing platonic shapes, numbers, and other entities from the ideal plane

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@ctrlcreep

6 years

Deer can see the fourth dimension but can't touch it—perpetually terrorized by the circling predators of higher worlds, paralyzed by headlights because they resemble the ghouls from above, which they've feared all their lives

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@ctrlcreep

4 years

In another timeline, Adam and Eve eat the apple, and rather than hiding in shame, confront God, honest and audacious. Their reward is to sit at his feet for eternity, asking questions, probing a mind that weaves universes with every answer

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@ctrlcreep

6 months

Humans inhabit the cognitive "uncanny valley" of certain super-intelligences; a parody of deep sentience, aware enough to be creepy, but not enough to be trusted, like a knife learning to speak

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@ctrlcreep

2 years

Somebody has removed at least four letters from the alphabet. They're not in Unicode, you can't find them online—they're scrubbed from scanned documents during archiving—but I've found whole sections dedicated to them in turn of the century encyclopedias

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@ctrlcreep

1 year

CLOWNS CAN ONLY HONK THEIR NOSES A FEW TIMES BEFORE THEY DIE. EACH HONK IS DEVASTATINGLY POWERFUL AND EXPENDS THEIR LIFE FORCE

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@ctrlcreep

2 months

The opposite of an apple is a pomegranate. A pomegranate is a fruit whose consumption traps you in a realm, whereas an apple exiles you

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@ctrlcreep

6 years

The ants have 1000 words for sugar: flower-salt, sweetgem, tongue-crystal. The moths have 1000 words for flame: warm-world, touchgold, light-door. Fascinations that destroy bodies nourish language

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@ctrlcreep

6 years

Ghosts are the save files the universe keeps because it's afraid of losing you. There are ghosts from before your bad decisions; sentimental trinkets of annihilated potential

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@ctrlcreep

5 years

Cats have nine lives, ravens have six lives, humans have 0.6 lives. The only animal with exactly one life is the blue whale; the only animals with an irrational number of lives are weasels

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@ctrlcreep

3 years

People are so preoccupied with the "complaining as venting" vs. "complaining as requesting advice" dichotomy that they ignore the third option, "complaining as storytelling"

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@ctrlcreep

5 years

breathe a new face through reverse-decomposition #Inktober

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@ctrlcreep

4 years

Sisyphus carves the mountain with his boulder's slow erosion, and lives content, privately satisfied by his art

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@ctrlcreep

5 years

You can only make direct eye contact with one person at a time. This is a safety feature, to prevent humans from constructing complex and dangerous soul-conducting gaze circuitry

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@ctrlcreep

6 years

Early risers are adorable—as evening falls you can watch them collapse, so fragile once their source of power sets, like wilting batteries

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@ctrlcreep

1 year

The fastest way to increase biodiversity is to insult the gods. They will turn you into a new kind of plant

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@ctrlcreep

4 years

Trauma isn't great but it DOES create secret passages through your memory palace, which is cool

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