katie @confirmedrump Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

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@danzy_

katie

@confirmedrump

5 years

It’s sooooooo messed up that we all go through unspeakable pain just to find someone to like watch tv with everyday for the rest of our lives

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katie

@confirmedrump

3 years

Your early twenties are for teaching men in their thirties how to treat women. Your mid twenties are for googling how to use retinol.

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katie

@confirmedrump

5 years

every woman in a Christmas movie: I’m a CITY girl and I like big gold belts and button up BLOUSes. Suddenly I have to go to the COUNTRY? No no! Fall in love? Not me! I’m a REALTOR

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katie

@confirmedrump

10 months

does anyone know why all my girls are doing bad. we are all crying so hard we throw up. multiple divas down. no end in sight.

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katie

@confirmedrump

4 years

subjecting everyone to lesbianism and my cute pajamas

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katie

@confirmedrump

4 years

we’re both wearing orthopedic clogs and yes we are deeply in love

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katie

@confirmedrump

5 years

hm....turns out I can’t handle the seasons of my life.

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katie

@confirmedrump

4 years

me: *texting my girlfriend what I’m eating for every meal* My gf: that’s amazing baby I bet it tastes really good I’m so happy for you I love you so much

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katie

@confirmedrump

11 months

@sbodrojan This is living

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katie

@confirmedrump

6 years

me: *drinking my third iced iced coffee of the day with a Diet Coke in my other hand feeling like I'm about to absolutely diarrhea my pants* me: texts my bf "I'm so anxious idk why lol"

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katie

@confirmedrump

4 years

The cashier at Trader Joe’s just said “I’ll let my assistants get your receipt” and then grabbed two tiny minion dolls and they gave me my receipt.

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katie

@confirmedrump

9 years

What have straight men ever done for me other than breeze past foreplay and hurt my feelings

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katie

@confirmedrump

1 year

beautifully written 🫶🏻

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katie

@confirmedrump

7 years

Me on a date: did your mom ever text you back about what time you were born?

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katie

@confirmedrump

5 years

me texting my bf after four glasses of wine

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katie

@confirmedrump

3 years

my neighbor texted me and told me he’d be having a party tonight with him and one other person and to text him if the music got too loud. Right now he is blasting don’t know why by Norah Jones.

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katie

@confirmedrump

5 years

I feel scammed when working out briefly improves my mental health.....like bitch you cried & screamed yesterday bc you were too short to reach the microwave and now bc you WALKED AT A FAST PACE you feel better?? StuPid loser

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katie

@confirmedrump

3 years

every time I see a 21 year old I scream because 1. They look like baby and I’m 26. 2. how did men in their 30s want to date me when I was 21. It’s not quite right, love 🥰

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katie

@confirmedrump

5 years

Rory Gilmore is, and I can’t stress this enough, a dumb dumb bitch

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katie

@confirmedrump

6 years

my love language is texting pictures of small animals and saying "that's you"

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katie

@confirmedrump

11 months

@sbodrojan Rom com meet cute

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katie

@confirmedrump

6 years

Me after two and a half beers: *turns to any man* you look like you hate women. Speak on that.

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katie

@confirmedrump

6 years

This morning Isabelle called me and asked if I wanted to go to brunch (our classic bit bc we live in dif states) I said “yea duh” and she said “okay come outside” and that BITCH My BEST FRIEND was OUTSIDE AND I CRIED MY EYES OUT

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katie

@confirmedrump

4 years

just once in my horrible little life I’d like to get all the pee in my body out before I go to bed

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katie

@confirmedrump

5 years

I didn’t see that mans bad opinion ab mitski because I had the portion of my brain that see men’s opinions about music surgically removed.....

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katie

@confirmedrump

9 months

crying about e-mail job is so stupid but I do it all the time. oh email was mean? oh email made the baby cry? little typey typey on the keyboard made you cry? Stupid bitch

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katie

@confirmedrump

5 years

Me when a man doesn’t think I’m hot: it is so sad. that he has a brain disease :( Me when a woman doesn’t think I’m hot: hello 911. where is the closest plastic surgery hospital.

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katie

@confirmedrump

4 years

pulling out the lip plumping gloss at the bar so all my girls can hit that shit

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katie

@confirmedrump

4 years

dude at the coffee shop (def no seating here you just order and leave) is standing in the middle of the room reading bukowksi.....

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katie

@confirmedrump

7 years

I'm at my most beautiful and fertile at the Trader Joe's

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katie

@confirmedrump

8 years

I took my 13 y/o baby to the vet today and he got some good drugs

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katie

@confirmedrump

11 months

for a long time (won’t say how long) I thought you all were talking about Oppenheim realty

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katie

@confirmedrump

3 years

my car got stuck in the snow and this girl came out of her house and asked me if I needed help and said she’d be back in a second and came out with a metal rake and started beating the shit out of the frozen snow screaming I WAS RAISED BY WOMEN

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katie

@confirmedrump

7 years

how many of my ex boyfriends were not actually ever my boyfriend? Well. That's a family matter.

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katie

@confirmedrump

3 years

has any show other than pen15 ever been able to capture how incredible and deeply distressingit is to be a 13 year old girl

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katie

@confirmedrump

4 years

getting really tired and going to bed before anyone else is a lifestyle and quarantine can’t stop me

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katie

@confirmedrump

6 years

Love, light, and respect to the woman I just saw cutting her bangs in the planet fitness locker room

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katie

@confirmedrump

6 years

Love rich kids compulsion to tell me that their parents "worked hard" for their money as if,,,,,,,,,poor parents don't also work hard.

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katie

@confirmedrump

5 years

asking my girls if they “wanna hit this shit” and passing them the Gatorade glacier freeze

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katie

@confirmedrump

5 years

It’s amazing, inspiring even, what people who’s parents pay their rent can accomplish 💕🙏🏼

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katie

@confirmedrump

6 years

┏┓ ┃┃╱╲ in ┃╱╱╲╲ this ╱╱╭╮╲╲house ▔▏┗┛▕▔ we ╱▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔╲ Do not support the art of the men who hurt us ╱╱┏┳┓╭╮┏┳┓ ╲╲ ▔▏┗┻┛┃┃┗┻┛▕▔

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katie

@confirmedrump

6 years

oh y'all have time to dedicate to your art and aren't just working constantly to stay alive and writing one sentence a week in the notes section of your phone? Cool cool sexy cool

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katie

@confirmedrump

3 years

managers at Cheesecake Factory should make 900,000 a year

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katie

@confirmedrump

7 years

Me: why am i so sad My unresolved trauma: could it be me? Me: ....mmm no I think it's this text I got that didn't contain the right emojis

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katie

@confirmedrump

3 months

Got a Pap smear this morning and now I’m going to vote. Someone call Greta Gerwig!

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katie

@confirmedrump

5 years

started looking for a therapist and this woman’s intro started out with “Bob Dylan once said” Who needs the therapy here, honey.

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katie

@confirmedrump

5 years

yesterday I was fully sobbing in therapy and said I just wanted for this [part of my life] to be over and she just looked me dead in the eyes and said are you under the impression that this gets easier? Bitch...

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katie

@confirmedrump

5 years

I can’t even begin to explain what Zooey Deschanels rise to fame did to me and my hair during the years of 2011-2014

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katie

@confirmedrump

4 years

if I’m butter? if IM butter? If I’m butter. Then he’s a hot knife.

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katie

@confirmedrump

3 years

Y’all should get a t shirt that says “we believe women unless the guy has a couple thousand followers and a carefully curated persona”

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katie

@confirmedrump

2 months

I love when the bus driver is yelling at everyone. I agree with her.

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katie

@confirmedrump

5 years

thinking about when my boyfriend got kicked out of a dogspotting Facebook group for posting a picture of a squirrel

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katie

@confirmedrump

5 years

I love how on tv shows they portray therapy as this existential experience when in reality it’s just crying to a woman named Wendy in a room with no windows and a fake plant and then saying “well, have a good week”

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katie

@confirmedrump

6 years

what man is brave enough to venmo me 35 dollars

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katie

@confirmedrump

8 years

Extremely Sad and Unbearably Horny

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katie

@confirmedrump

4 years

behind every 🤑 Girl Boss BAD ASS Mama 💪🏼 is a nanny being paid 10 dollars an hour

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katie

@confirmedrump

6 years

You: a chill girl who loves horror films Me: sometimes pause the Great British Baking Show because I can't handle the suspense

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katie

@confirmedrump

4 years

Lane deserved to be a rockstar and Rory deserves nothing

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katie

@confirmedrump

4 years

true story if you can believe it: my gf called me and asked if I was home bc she had something for me and I said no I’m at the park and she said what..where??? And then I looked to my right and we saw each other at the same time and YES she was picking me flowers

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katie

@confirmedrump

3 years

turning 27 in a few minutes. My girlfriend is in the lobby of our hotel getting me a fork so I can eat my cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory. Princess diaries is queued up. I love my beautiful life.

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katie

@confirmedrump

4 years

I’m getting hotter as I get older but losing my intelligence and it has brought me peace

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katie

@confirmedrump

4 years

briefly logging on to debut my haircut and like some of my girlfriends tweets. xoxo.

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katie

@confirmedrump

7 years

it's a good day to be nice to yourself

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katie

@confirmedrump

7 years

I'm *clips carabiner to shorts* bi

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katie

@confirmedrump

3 months

just found out the women in the cult I grew up in can wear pants to church now….might go back!

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katie

@confirmedrump

4 years

which room of my apartment should I be miserable in tonight

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katie

@confirmedrump

5 years

being bi is having millions of fake ex boyfriends and two ex wives

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katie

@confirmedrump

3 years

what’s up

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katie

@confirmedrump

4 years

pants and a shirt

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katie

@confirmedrump

4 years

just told my 36 month old son Geoff about RBG and he said “men will ruin this country and I’m sorry that I’m one of them” beautiful

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katie

@confirmedrump

7 years

gender reveal party except it's for which antidepressant I'm trying next

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katie

@confirmedrump

8 years

Me flirting: *sends you a screenshot of a thing I found on the Internet that is vaguely related to a thing you said once*

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katie

@confirmedrump

7 years

[to a straight couple] which one is Hannah and which one is Montana

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katie

@confirmedrump

7 years

*someone around me seems genuinely happy and excited* Me: wow I wonder what SSRI they're on

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katie

@confirmedrump

4 years

Okay girls rollerskating in the abandoned lot listening to charli is the club

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katie

@confirmedrump

4 months

how it feels to wear a big bud press jumpsuit to my corporate office

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katie

@confirmedrump

8 years

rt if it took you years to realize that the nervous feeling you got around men was not attraction but them making you feel bad ab yourself

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katie

@confirmedrump

4 years

Rip Mary Oliver

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katie

@confirmedrump

4 years

Paying homage to one of my fav selfie spots in the old apartment....ever onward girls.

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katie

@confirmedrump

4 years

thinking about the one guy on the sopranos who actually loves his wife and crying

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katie

@confirmedrump

4 years

thinking ab how before my gf was my gf she asked to borrow a book (the price of salt) from me and when she returned it she brought me a lemon square that she baked and then she called me cute and asked to bake a pie together and I was like I think she wants to be my friend :/

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katie

@confirmedrump

4 years

Calling a dog babydoodee booty mommygirl? Normal. Good, even. Calling a dog doggo? Deranged. Unhinged. Alarming. Worrisome.

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katie

@confirmedrump

11 months

Noooooo offense to the woman working at the theatre but why did she genuinely say “if you’re here for Oppenheimer stand in this line” to me when I look like this….

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katie

@confirmedrump

6 years

Me after 4 glasses of wine: In order for everyone to know that I'm cool I should scream

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katie

@confirmedrump

8 years

THE OCEAN IS BIGGER THAN ANYONE WHO HAS EVER HURT YOU

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katie

@confirmedrump

4 years

we desperately need a bachelorette whos family means NOTHING to her.

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katie

@confirmedrump

7 years

hey good morning. your neutrality is actually violence.

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katie

@confirmedrump

7 years

hey. making jokes that homophobic people are gay is, stay with me, Homophobic.

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katie

@confirmedrump

6 years

i love my boyfriend even though he is straight :(

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katie

@confirmedrump

4 years

is “I’m thinking about moving to Asheville” the gay girl version of “I’m thinking about moving to LA” no replies on this one xx

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katie

@confirmedrump

5 years

sipping my morning coffee and thinking about the time I went to the doctor for my pmdd and told the male intern my pms was so bad I felt suicidal and then when he relayed that info to my primary doctor he said I “felt sad before my period” :)

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katie

@confirmedrump

3 years

Accidentally squeezed my dogs squeaky toy at the DP (dog park) and became the most popular bitch around