clara @clarasmatic_42 Twitter profile

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clara

2 months

Once Clara Does 50 Workouts* Starting Last Week She Can Buy Herself A Fancy Heart Rate Garmin** (thread): *pickup and practice don’t count, workout must be over 30 min **or a whoop if someone wants to convince me to waste my money

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Last Seen Profiles

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

5 years

me explaining frisbee: it’s like a cool combination of basketball soccer & football, there’s a lot of athleticism and strateg- frisbee mom: they REF THEMSELVES!! there’s NO REFS because everyone GETS ALONG. it’s SO NICE person: O so like a fake sport

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

4 years

LEARN 👏THE NEW 👏HAND 👏SIGNALS 👏

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

4 years

the male handler at your mixed league 0.001 seconds after you catch the disc

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

2 years

just remember no matter how important or elite you think your team or tournament is, you will never take precedence over 8 year olds playing soccer

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

4 years

COVID frisbee tip! to make it feel like you’re at pickup when you’re really just throwing around with a guy friend, have him overthrow you by 15 yards and then say “oh sOrry I thought you were GOING” and then have him never throw to you again

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

4 years

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

4 years

no one: not even the O line: ... d line players with the ferocity of 1000 suns: DON'T👏SLEEP👏ON👏D-LINE👏OFFENSE IS THE BOURGEOISIE👏VIVA LA RESISTANCE👏please help i have internalized a non-existent concept of line-based player worth👏DEFENSE FOREVERRRRRRRRRR

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

3 years

since we broke up, my ex boyfriend has started looking for a therapist, gotten measurably better at sex, and become disenchanted with frat boy life but I got sixth place at fucking frisbee nationals so really who’s doing more personal growth?

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

4 years

I h8 this pandemic. If I wanted to waste my early 20s I would have simply spent all my money and destroyed my body trying to peak athletically every 4 months by playing college ultimate and then club and then college and then club and then worlds and then college and then club an

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

4 years

Megan Rapinoe would want me to spike the disc.

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

4 years

frisbee culture is telling the doctor u got injured playing soccer so that they actually help you get back to playing ASAP

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

2 years

pro tip if you don’t want your man to c*m yet during sex yell “contact” so that he doesn’t have to stop but he does have to start over

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

1 year

ME WHEN I MAKE IT ONTO THE MIXED U24 TEAM 🇺🇸

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

5 years

i think that my college’s entire frisbee program would crumble if someone played music at a party that isn’t the same 30 songs we hear at every single party

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

4 years

Due to personal reasons I will be overthinking and subsequently losing the ability to throw a short to midrange flat backhand

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

3 years

please stop ooh-ing and aah-ing when you see a handler cut downfield!! i have studied handlers in the wild for years and they ONLY do this when they are in extreme distress. if you see a handler second to last back in the stack please make sure they are ok

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

2 years

I’ve been hearing a bunch of MMP complaining that the WMPs on their team “don’t do anything”. A thought: if you do not make your WMPs feel comfortable, valued, empowered at practice THEY WILL NOT CONTRIBUTE DURING GAMES!! Is it more likely that all your WMP are useless or 1/?

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

2 years

we need refs. y’all take every single call that’s made like it’s a genuine personal attack. you assign personality traits and worth to people based on their ability to be objective about contact that happened within less than a second. good lord. it’s not that deep

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

14 days

come to the torch game tm if you support Sluts In Sports

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

5 years

perks of dating non-frisbee: he calls any throw w angle “curvy throws” and tells me he likes watching me throw curvy throws and it’s the cutest thing I’ve ever heard come out of his mouth

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

5 years

in classic frisbee fashion (not a real sport) we have been kicked off by four year olds playing soccer in the middle of our first game 😎😎😎

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

4 years

yeah i play FRISBEE 😤😤😤😤: my hips? scarred from turfburn my skin? very white sleeping? on a hotel floor til im a senior pata? bag carry on con? TEST once my body breaks down by the age of thirty? im gonna get really into rock climbing mark? broken flick huck? already thrown

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

3 years

simply don’t understand people who are scared to throw around breaks. your mark literally doesn’t exist until they prove that they exist by hand blocking you, and you ought not to be scared of something that doesn’t exist

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

3 years

was reasonably attracted to this guy until he pulled out of bounds five times in a row (now I am OUTRAGEOUSLY attracted 2 him)

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

2 years

before I lead the tournament in turnovers I just wanna say stats are fake

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

3 years

so the joke here is that when women’s sports teams play with a lot of control and discipline and fewer stupid plays people use it as an excuse to shit on women’s sports in general because they think it’s boring. hope this helps

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

4 years

someone: this kid is good at frisbee mixtape: it’s actually criminal that they don’t just send the Seattle YCC teams to junior worlds every other year

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

2 years

I used to think self officiation made us more mature and better than other sports. Then i watched several grown men hold up gameplay for 3 minutes by re-enacting a foul and making the same arguments over and over again only to send the disc back and then act pissy on the sideline

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

4 years

as a handler i can say that my favorite activity when im on a d line is to play deep deep as i watch my teammates work their asses off in the cup and get a hard earned d after 10000 throws and catches and then pick the disc up and turn it over immediately :)

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

26 days

Y’all stop hating on mixed ultimate!!! It’s full of talented elite WMP players and our boyfriends who we love very much

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

2 years

update: after a lot of consideration at Centex I have decided to move on from playing defense. I have a new exciting opportunity which is called never playing defense which I am thrilled to become a part of. Thank you to all my supporters throughout my years!

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

11 months

me when my shit throw has to get bailed out by a ridiculously talented teammate

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

2 years

HEY SIDELINE WHERE THE FUCK IS MY UP CALL (with no intentions of playing real defense)

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

4 years

ur mcm started throwing backhands w air bounce and now it’s the only throw he has. Do better

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

5 years

men’s favorite pastime is watching a woman get overthrown and just yelling BIIIDDDD as the disc sails way past her

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

5 years

hey pal wanna come say hi or would you prefer to just stare at my butt? xoxo gossip girl

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

4 years

Big Frisbee trying YET AGAIN to force the rhetoric of O line v D line... invalidating the existence of flex players... wake up sheeple....smh

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

4 years

had a sick matchup the entire game v Pitt: "hey nice playing" "thanks, you too. it's really annoying. ur annoying" "right back at ya" i love that shit. the competition is there, the respect is there too. had a back and forth the whole game, made my day and my play better

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

4 years

@USAUltimate bro why did you cut me out of the video i literally walked through the door five times to make sure i was in it #LiveUltimate

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

4 years

today I saw a tiny child (idk like 3 or 4 y/o) hold a full sized disc w both his lil hands and do a huge backhand windup and then throw it directly into the ground and fall over from his momentum it was so beautiful I love him

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

2 years

just found out that the boyfriend can disassociate at will and he calls it “no thoughts mode”

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

2 years

no matter how you feel about “””“SOTG”””” I feel like treating your opponents with respect is universally seen as a good thing. self officiation straight up makes it harder to do that when we have a culture that makes every single call so fucking personal

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

3 years

so what you’re saying is “handler weave” but what I’m HEARING is “be in everyone’s way, loudly demand the disc and refuse to clear out” and lemme tell you I fuck with that

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

5 years

USAU did NOT hold back for this tournament. Porta potty toilet paper is SOFT and THICC. wow. #liveUltimate this is where legacies are born. Truly born to rise #USAUD1CHAMPS

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

4 years

made a deal w god the other day!!! he says everyone’s knees will have an extra club season of eligibility and not falling apart if we all play nice and solve global warming and wear masks and stop being stupid little rat bitches

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

2 years

any other obnoxious offensive players like to listen to their coaches tell someone on defense not to get beat or broken in a particular way and immediately try 60 times harder to beat them that way

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

4 years

brb starting a GoFundMe so I can fly to Seattle (I think? I’m assuming Seattle) and beg Dylan Freechild to teach me how 2 understand Comedy. ✌🏻😔✌🏻

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

5 years

To the dude who catcalled me on my way to my uhh post regionals hang: I was wearing HEADPHONES so I couldn’t hear what you SAID when u rolled down ur window to WINK at me but I’m going to ASSUME it was “yo congrats on making nationals I bet ur a phenomenal player” so THANKS

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

4 years

heard @KingJames doesn’t want to play without fans there. no disrespect but uhhh have you ever tried playing women’s sports? if da ladies refused to play without a crowd we might uhhh never play

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

4 years

Me talking 2 cutters: hey,,look,, u might not touch the disc every point.but ur doing work for the team. its fine me if i dont touch the disc: ʰᵉʸ ᵈᶦᵈ ᶦ ᵈᵒ ˢᵒᵐᵉᵗʰᶦⁿᵍ ʷʳᵒⁿᵍˀ ˡᶦᵏᵉ ᶦᵐ ʷᵒʳʳiᵉᵈ ᶦᵐ ⁿᵒᵗ ᵖˡᵃʸᶦⁿᵍ ᵍᵒᵒᵈ ᵉⁿᵒᵘᵍʰˀ ʲᵘˢᵗ ᶜᵘᵗ ᵐᵉ

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

2 years

my personal belief is that everyone who is not a Planner and not willing to be a Planner (in terms of social stuff or leadership or whatever) is inherently selfish. I resent people who only ever go with the flowTHERES NO FLOW IF SOMEONE DOESNT FUCKING TURN ON THE FAUCET FOR YOU

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

1 year

In: -Exclusively becoming a puller and walking off the field after you pull -Turfing forehands -scoobers Out: of bounds. You’re out that’s a turn give me the frisbee right now

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

3 years

can’t wait to rediscover that ultimate requires running. sounds awful

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

4 years

now that we’ve spent so long reflecting on ultimate without being able to play it, I’m finally ready to begin accepting apology letters from anyone who’s ever called a travel on me❤️❤️❤️ I don’t know if I’m ready to forgive just yet but it would mean a lot to hear that ur sorry

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

3 years

range

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

4 years

sometimes I get jealous of mediocre male players throwing 70+ yards like it’s nothing in perfect conditions but then I see em throwing when it’s windy and it becomes clear that they have no idea how to adjust form w weather conditions and they’ve just been relying on strength :)

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

4 years

I be like “I don’t know the spot” because the brick isn’t marked on the field

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

10 months

anyway

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

3 years

MC Escher - Sky and Water - a bit gnarly bc I just put aquaphor on it

grace

@gralstonline

3 years

@clarasmatic_42 post it coward

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

3 years

if covid is ever gone can we keep the little dots and lines to stand on everywhere? I love to stand on little dots and lines. Please tell me where to go. I am five years old in my brain and I will stand on your dots.

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

2 years

Club National Championships this weekend (Oct 21-24) have been cancelled. We decided the vibes would be too bad without Lexington Sprocket and it’s not worth it. We will use last year’s results for next years Elite, Pro and Select flights. Xoxo

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

2 years

nothing more painful than teaching a vertical stack to people for the first time. like nails on a chalkboard for my soul

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

1 year

stop bringing teams to 4/3 mixed tournaments with 3 women-matching players challenge

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

2 years

sprocket tryouts getting kicked off the field for small children soccer because what could be more on brand for frisbee

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

2 years

I resent not being the youngest person on all of my teams anymore bro now I have to be actually impressive not just impressive for my age

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

4 years

Vote For Biden And Then Get Blackout Drunk To Mourn Warren And Sanders And Hope In General

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

2 years

so @UNC_Pleiades if dawn is making a cut do you make sure to throw it directly out of bounds so she can toe the line and look cool or is that by accident

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

3 years

yoooo guess who dropped a clap catch first game in San Diego 😎😎😎😎😎

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

2 years

due to the past couple weeks of discourse and happenings on FrIsBeE TWitTer it is my personal and professional recommendation that we all take a few days off to touch some fuckin grass

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

5 years

heehee men making fun of me for having an ego but I strongly believe that a lot of my success in frisbee is because I am full of myself and as a female athlete I needed that ego in order to play open for a while while I was learning how to kick butt, please shut uppppppppp

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

3 years

how u gonna name your team lawLESS and then go to the observers for every single call thinking emoji (tweet concept by the other, funnier Clara on our team)

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

4 years

my glutes and hammies: we’re so ready for these 65 lb dumbbell goblet squats, we got this shit in the bag my arms, upper back, grip strength: are you in the right headspace to receive information that could possibly hurt you?

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

5 years

i know i told myself i wasn't gonna look at stats but sometimes you just gotta lead your team in turnovers you know?

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

2 years

is it just me or is this a weird ass mentality to have about young adults who look up to you like … “what have you done for ME”

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

4 years

does your laptop have a clitoris

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

4 years

men love to say 'not necessarily'

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

4 years

dreaming that someday I’ll be good enough at frisbee so that when I play mixed local ultimate I’ll be able to bring something to the table other than “girl” 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

1 year

this weekend at U24 tryouts I learned that you actually don’t have to throw a bladey flick huck turnover every time you touch the disc. so grateful for these opportunities to learn from incredible coaches and players!!

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

2 years

frisbee in constant 20mph wind cannot rightly be called frisbee

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

3 years

if it ain’t broke, break it

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

2 years

“People get mad at us when we play dudeball but it’s the only way we can win if our WMPs aren’t cutting” bro if THE ONLY WAY you can succeed is playing with only MMPs then you SHOULD NOT HAVE A MIXED TEAM! Go make a mens team or make your WMPs an active part of your game. Ugh 4/4

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

2 years

just looked through the rules again and it turns out the same team can’t win nationals twice in a row so if that team wins in the finals, the teams who tied for 17th actually play for Double Finals and the winner of THAT game takes home the championship

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

1 year

my biggest pet peeve in the entire world is men-matching players who have only ever played competitively in the open division criticizing WMPs and how they play in the women’s division. It is a different fucking game. 1/

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

1 year

hey y’all thanks for making so many assumptions about my financial choices and status especially behind private accounts where I can’t see! let’s address this! first things first: I bought my plane tickets to lei out when I had an income and thought I would for the entirety 1/

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

1 year

update no need to clown this person bc he acknowledged that he shouldn’t have called me out individually and in this way and then venmoed me some funds for both lei out + worlds… I’m not sorry for defending myself but it’s v rare to see someone admit any wrongdoing on Twitter

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

4 years

imagine your card declines for your USAU membership and they make you do something worthwhile with your life instead

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

2 years

🥰🥰 iiiif the way you run your program leaves your B team with like 8 people to go to a tournament then something needs to chaaannngggeee 🥰🥰 either you need to take a much smaller A team or you need to recruit better or you need to be a combined program insteaaaaad 🥰🥰🥰

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

2 years

I’m sorry for calling an observer a narc during the first point that we had observers at centex

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

2 years

are you supposed to die every ten seconds in call of duty or is that just my boyfriend?

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

4 years

this is small compared to everything else happening but: today I finished my partial hospitalization program which was the first big step I’ve taken in a long time to address my mental health issues that have been making it nearly impossible to pursue an engineering degree 🥺🥰

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

1 year

if I had a nickel for every time a frisbee boy flew up to Boston to visit (fuck) me and ended up getting a tattoo while he was up here I would have two nickels which isn’t much but it’s weird that it’s happened twice

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

4 years

if not enough people like this ill throw a fit and delete it which will also happen if too many people like it. :)

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

1 year

no…. that’s not… anything close to what I meant for you to take away from this

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

2 years

best friEND boyfriEND girlfriEND…. they all END eventually…. but “End Zone Give and Go” is forever 🫡😤😤

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

4 years

dear diary today i got footblocked and then handblocked in quick succession by a twelve year old i used to babysit and i have never been happier. is this giving back to the community? love clara

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

3 years

huge moment for #legitimacy at northeastern University!!

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

3 years

Happy SOTG day to everyone except the Canadian teams I’ve played

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

3 years

[admin tweet] the first person I had sex with after my breakup does not appear to be my soulmate and is not giving me the attention i unhealthily crave so I have decided to be alone forever instead

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

4 years

high level youth ultimate is incredible. however it is one of my pet peeves when frisbee dads who take league way too seriously are obnoxious about their kids who have played since they could pick up a disc beating college kids who picked up the sport in the fall. congrats. duh

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clara

@clarasmatic_42

3 years

see this is why people don’t watch men’s sports. it’s boring. where are the PLAYS

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