eating dinner w ur friend is like wait this zucchini is rly good. it can be like that but also lots of other things as well. life is so full it’s almost impossible to describe. and of course full of pain as well
ppl come over to ur house and are like “can i get myself a glass of water” and ur like “sure” and u look over and they’ve chosen literally the most random glass you’ve ever seen
just picked up a rubber band that had been in the same spot on my bedroom floor for a month. absolutely incredible to see what i’m capable of when i give it my all
so funny when recipe writers are like “this is a perfect one for those days when you have NOTHING in your fridge. so you’re gonna start with some leftover pulled pork”
when recipes are like “add 12 ounces of asparagus” it’s like what the fuck are you talking about. what does one ounce of asparagus look like i’m literally going to fucking kill you
sooo important to keep your cat stimulated by asking it questions like “who’s my cute guy” “who’s the smallest little guy” “who’s my tiny little cutie pie mr man” “where’s my little friend. where is my tiny little friend”
i remember as a kid being like “Wow as an adult i’ll be able to buy as much candy as i want whenever i want” which turned out to be completely true and as amazing as i imagined
when i say “i should be there in 5!” i’m almost always using the moral sense of the word ‘should’, not the like probability sense. like yeah being there in 5 minutes would be the right thing, even though it’s not going to happen
PLEASE stop posting about your accomplishments unless i have the same ones otherwise it can make me feel BAD!!!!!!!! i seriously shouldn’t even have to say that
my bf is in law school and he’s taking Contract Law so i have him look over contracts for me. but he hasn’t gotten to the part where he learns if a contract is good or not, just whether something IS a contract. so he’ll just be like “yeah that’s a contract”
it’s so weird that “brb” and “g2g” aren’t rly a part of texting any more like they were with AIM. like instead of clear temporal boundaries ur now just like constantly a little bit texting until an awkward peter off ????? i miss g2g
so much of the pleasure of having a cat is getting to watch this creature make decisions that will always be at least partially inscrutable to you. it’s such a pleasure, inexhaustibly fascinating because cats can’t speak or explain. like why did you go over there