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awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤

@awalmartparking

13,548
Followers
179
Following
899
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6,811
Statuses

my opinions and tweets do not reflect my employer but they do reflect my swag awalmartparkinglott @gmail .com

Joined February 2021
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Pinned Tweet
@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
2 years
“Wow this is a historic moment” (derogatory)
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
2 years
I think people who “like” bloody Mary’s are lying Cold vodka tomato soup? Let’s be serious
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
2 years
My bf looked at my phone and I was watching TikTok’s about twilight in Spanish. He asked why I’m watching bc I don’t speak Spanish and idk how to explain that when they’re talking about twilight I do understand
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
2 years
Idk who needs to hear this but years 18-23 were the darkest time of my life and I was terrified the entire time bc everyone said they were the “best years of my life” and then shit got better bc my brain finished growing and I started actually taking care of myself
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
1 year
I’m gonna get my pilot license and get hired by spirit and every flight I’ll leave my mic on the whole time and it’ll be like a podcast
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
1 year
How I imagine the energy feels in the titanic submarine
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
7 months
was worried my period is late but i just felt an unexplainable wave of anxious despair so i guess she’ll be here soon
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
2 years
Can someone please help me, I NEED this tapestry
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
1 year
i wish i took anything as seriously as my boyfriend takes his walking routine
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
2 years
“Some people put a ton of research into their fantasy football team but I don’t get crazy with it” -my bf using two monitors with 3 spreadsheets and 10 tabs open
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
2 years
Ladies, I am sad to report, I have fallen. I am making chili while a man screams at football players for trying their best. I know it’s dangerous bc I’m happy??
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
2 years
Just made my boyfriend listen to me talk about the history of Trisha Paytas for 15 minutes so I could start sending him tweets about it.
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
5 months
families who can’t even afford child care:
@POTUS
President Biden
5 months
You ought to be able to fly with your child – and sit next to them – without paying an additional fee. It's time all airlines offered fee free family seating.
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
9 months
how it feels to order chicken tenders at a restaurant
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
2 years
Anytime I tweet about the queen and/or Trisha Paytas
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
1 year
The CEO of the company I work for follows a bunch of college aged instagram thotties…. on his public page… as the CEO… of a Fortune 500 company…. who is married w three children
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
2 years
In every relationship there’s two people: one who spent their formative years in the service industry and one who didn’t
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
1 year
I would rather eat a jean jacket than give my UPS man this level of vulnerability
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
3 months
two kids starting fighting in the gym this morning, i walked up to them said “please stop i can’t tell if you’re play fighting or real fighting and it’s giving me anxiety and it’s 7:45 in the morning so it’s just too early for this” now tell me why it worked???
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
2 years
Me trying to bond with my cousin who I have nothing in common with “so what is the marine corps stance on eyelash extensions”
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
1 year
my bf: “do you mind if I play video games for a while?” me: *with a two hour Abby Lee Miller deep dive in the saved for later folder on youtube* “not at all, I want you to be happy :)”
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
2 years
My manager asked what my next career goal is and I said “stay at home girlfriend” bc we were literally at lunch so that’s friend time not work time??? but apparently I’m supposed to lie then too???
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
1 year
Accidentally gave Karen energy at the eye doctor bc my insurance sucks and I felt bad so when I saw the lil manager telling employees they needed to do an online training at home tonight I politely informed her that her asking them to do that is ✨illegal✨
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
6 months
my bf and my dad sent me the same news article within 15 minutes of each other…
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
2 years
There’s no overstimulation like family overstimulation
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
2 years
My boyfriend when the frontier flight attendant recognized me from tiktok: “babe I really think we should start looking into body guards for you” sir we are sharing a carry on bag to save money
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
9 months
not have kids until we figure out the whole youtube ipad addiction leading to the alt right pipeline issue
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
2 years
I do respect that it comes with bacon and other exciting garnishes, instead of pretending we like the drink let’s pressure the industry to serve more cocktails with side dishes
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
2 years
My bf had no idea there was a problem with the Taylor swift tickets until we just saw it on NBC nightly news… his brain must be so peaceful
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
2 years
I think my mental health would improve dramatically if smoking cigarettes and using tanning beds was good for you
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
1 year
After I stopped getting lashes and nails to save money, I have decided nails are worth it and lashes are not. Thank you for your respect and privacy at this time.
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
2 years
I hate when a places staff is so bad that I can’t even have working class solidarity
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
1 month
found a therapist who takes my insurance, specializes in women w trauma, and takes in person appointments we’re sooooooo back
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
2 years
Just paid $20 for a career assessment test and the number one result was teacher
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
16 days
i’ve been craving a hotdog for literally months and my neighbors invited us to their house for a bbq and i just ate the most traditional incredible, dad grilled hotdog i’ve ever had
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
9 months
i emailed the football coach bc a few of the players were being menaces in class and he said he’s just gonna come to class with them 💀😭😭absolutely flawless, no notes sir, thank you for your service
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
2 years
I never know what to say when ppl ask me for advice on getting certified bc I showed up to my certification exam with only a Dr. Pepper &CBD vape juice in my system after studying a quizlet in my car for 15 min. They give you 3 hours for the test. I took 27 min and passed.
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
1 year
The printer in my office was installed when I was in middle school. I don’t think I am the problem.
@pcgamer
PC Gamer
1 year
Gen Z office workers are apparently struggling with antiquated computer hardware, like printers.
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
2 years
wtf is “Clean girl aesthetic”? I wanna look like there’s spray tan on my bed sheets
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
2 years
Pretty selfish that my bf won’t learn how to French braid my hair so he can do it every morning at 6:30 am for my workout???
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
2 years
I imagine the feeling I get when I find out someone else was also a young fan of Lana Del Rey is similar to how Vietnam war veterans feel when they meet each other
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
1 year
What an amazing day to be childless
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
2 years
My bf when I send him google cal invites to spend time with me
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
5 months
i’m mainly annoyed at nicki minaj bc now i have bring my ladder AND get to work early on monday to take down the nicki flag in my classroom and replace it with the pitbull one bc the meg one won’t be here until mid february 🙄 being an educator is harder than people realize 😔
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
1 year
“Can I schedule a meeting with you” “yeah of course, what tech tool do you need help with” “oh none of them, but someone said you taught high school and I want to talk to you about my teenagers, I’m really worried about them” Me joining the call:
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
2 years
My model for gender roles was formed from me watch Jersey Shore where the boys did all the cooking and cleaning and the girls did absolutely nothing
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
1 year
My work is hosting a training and for two weeks I have been asking if they are using slides so I can make sure everything is setup. Everyone has continuously said no. 30 minutes before they sent me a 75 slide deck.
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
11 months
yeah, I would die for evelynn, thanks for asking
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
9 months
“you either stand with israel or you stand with terrorism” it’s actually so much more complicated than that but i admire ur smooth brain, i wish i could live life that peacefully unaware of nuance and history 🖤
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
3 months
my students when i started crying over the russian stray dog that died in space in 1957
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
1 year
my bf asked me to stop talking about the titanic submarine
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
8 months
yelled at a random kid for running in the hallways and he said “aren’t you a tiktoker”
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
4 months
thinking about the text my mom sent me on my birthday
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
5 months
and people dare to call this a free country
@DailyLoud
Daily Loud
5 months
UPDATE: Britney Spears is now banned from the four seasons hotel in Los Angeles for going topless at the pool.
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
8 months
me: “i love your nails where did you get them done?” student: “my friend does nails! she goes here, she’ll just come to ur house & do it” me: “oh i don’t think i’m allowed to have y’all in my house so probs not��� student: “well now we know you don’t support black businesses”
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
2 years
Officially entered the stage of the relationship where’s he’s seen me cry bc a dress I need for an event doesn’t look right and there’s no time to get a new one :)
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
1 year
Someone I went to high school with that I never liked is going viral for saying/doing something stupid and they deleted their accounts (side note this person has been AGGRESSIVELY trying to be an influencer for years)
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
8 months
no packages on the way right now
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
7 months
my class started “forgetting” their computers so that i would let them keep their phones guess who printed over 500 pages worth of packets for next week
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
1 year
Nothing has made me want to pick up a cigarette habit more than corporate America. The chance to go outside and take some deep breaths in silence every few hours??? I’ll take it.
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
1 year
Me and my friends doing each others performance evaluations
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
2 years
Me high talking to the Starbucks barista: “thank you for your service”
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
9 months
maybe if they played 3OH!3 i would go to the club
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
1 year
Thinking about the time I crashed on a friends couch for a night and she got a migraine and went to sleep early and her bf and I accidentally stayed up until 2 am watching YouTube Timelapses of ants and in the morning she almost dumped him bc she thought we fucked
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
3 months
me fighting to be an unbiased non partisan state employee when one my students said: “miss redacted what if we did the boston tea party but like we did it to companies that do mean stuff”
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
2 years
To the person who found my personal private Instagram and requested to follow me, my family, and my boyfriend: let’s relax
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
2 years
My bf: “babe I wanna have a relaxing Sunday, just chilling” My bf all day on Sundays:
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
2 years
Technically, spinach and artichoke dip could be considered a salad
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
1 year
Me: “I think we need to hire professional cleaners the house has been vacant for months and it just feels icky to me” Bf: “No we can do it ourselves it’ll be okay” Me: “Well I kind of already hired someone to come, they’ll be here tomorrow at 8am so I’ll probably need money”
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
2 years
If you saw me rip off my jacket due to getting overstimulated at the Atlanta airport thus resulting in me eating popeyes chicken in a sports bra, no you didn’t.
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
6 months
me: “what do you think the most interesting thing we learned this semester was?” student 1: “reading the stories from the people who escaped slavery was really interesting to me” student 2: “i had no idea how bad they treated britney spears until i saw your tiktok about it”
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
10 months
isn’t it soooo fun and crunchy that my child is illiterate and won’t be able to fully function in society 🤪 we got this mamas!
@CarissasNewLife
Carissa
10 months
Mommy vloggers are obsessed with idealizing educational neglect 🫠
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
9 months
me trying to teach my class about industrialization: “so does anybody have any questions” my student: “i saw your boyfriend at the football game, why is he bald?”
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
2 months
me watching two students from my school physically fight each other in the sonic parking lot while i wait on my treat
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
5 months
me: “ugh i have to talk to my class about yesterday bc they think i’m mad at them but they hurt my feelings so i just wanna unpack that together before we move on” my bf who went to school in the 90s:
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
5 months
how i feel when i email a parent bc their kid was cheating and instead of gaslighting me about how it’s my fault they just say “next time just facetime me during class” and drop their cellphone number
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
4 months
just saw on fb that my old coworker who had the worst husband ever (((he literally manipulated her into have two children within 3 years when they couldn’t afford it, she didn’t want to, and they ALREADY HAD TWO KIDS))) is now divorced from him and married to a woman
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
8 months
“stop eating the rice, that’s how they get you full too fast, we’re here to do damage” -my bf at korean bbq
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
1 year
My boss specifically asked me to remove “✨👩🏼‍💻🪩🕺🏼💅🏻” from my e-mail signature so I think I’m gonna change it to “✨👹🤠👩🏼‍💻” why would u give every employee a MacBook if u don’t want us to use the emoji feature????
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
2 years
I found out that at my job if u put in a referral and they get hired and pass their 90 day mark you get $1k Suddenly I have become a recruiter.
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
7 months
how it feels to sit at my desk when half my class is frantically trying to finish an entire semester worth of work in one week and the other half is watching Elf and coloring
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
1 year
The female experience
@bIiccy
alessandra
1 year
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
1 year
I hate when people ask me what kind of music I listen to
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
1 year
bf: “what was that?” me: “what?” bf: “that pill you just took? Did you just grab a loose pill from your purse? What was it?” me: “oh I have a headache, its probably Motrin or Tylenol or something like that” bf:
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
8 months
“the way you teach is so easy and girly pop and then i open my assignment everyday and the vibe drops immediately” -my student ladies and gentlemen i think i have finally mastered the art of holding high expectations while building and maintaining positive relationships 💅🏻
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
2 years
My bf staring at me after I laid on the couch crying bc I’m so stressed and then 20 minutes later said “so I’m actually fine now bc mercury is in retrograde and it’ll end in like a week so I’ll be okay”
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
9 months
My students: “i feel like you should let your hair down more bc you never do and it looks so much better like that” “ya normally you’re giving teacher but sometimes i randomly look up at you’re just at your desk serving, you gotta maintain that”
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
10 months
good to see everyone’s man picks the worst photo possible
@PopCrave
Pop Crave
10 months
Tom Holland shares new photo of Zendaya in honor of her birthday: “My birthday girl 😍”
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
1 year
I love when ppl ask me what I’m gonna do if tiktok gets banned I’ll wake up and go to work like I do every day of my god damn life :) except now I will have to be alone w my thoughts more. im sure that will help tremendously.
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
9 months
me after my admin went around to check everyone’s classroom bc our district is coming on monday and my principal said “everything looks great in here, which means there’s exactly one person in this school i’m not stressed out about”
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
2 years
Things I didn’t have on my 2022 bingo card: My dad randomly bringing up how much he loves @ms_frazzled trump videos and she’s so funny and she’s his favorite tiktok teacher but he fully had NO idea that her and I are podcast co hosts
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
21 days
made $392 off a video talking shit about rich ppl (jet and pookie) 🙏🏻🙏🏻 god you have finally showed me my path and i thank you
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
9 months
i have to do a presentation for my admin about my student data so i asked my bf to help me create some charts bc he does excel for a living but after looking at all the data now he’s just panicking about the current state of public education
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
1 year
actual conversation that just happened colleague: “your salad looks good” me: “thanks! It’s just from publix, your lunch looks good too” colleague: “yeah I got divorced so I really just only eat frozen food” Me: “that’s awesome”
@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
1 year
My job has always been in person but they just forced all the remote workers to come back so now there’s a ton of ppl I don’t know instead of just me and my lil department buddy 💔 im so over stimulated im actually gonna scream but it’s fine
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
5 months
you should give teachers free premium @YouTube i keep getting ozempic ads when i try to show my students civil war videos
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
2 months
one of my students told me she’s called OSHA on four different jobs she’s had 😭😭 the kids are gonna be alright
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
8 months
my entire life the democratic party has been telling me i have to vote for them bc they’re the only thing standing between me and tyranny and then i watched them do literally nothing in response to roe v wade being overturned so… looks like we’re not standing that firm are we??
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
9 months
if u own a restaurant and don’t give ur staff a shift meal you’re a terrible fucking person and nothing you can say will change my mind :)
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
4 months
another random teacher walking into my room: “y’all learning about the civil war? i know miss redacted can’t say this so imma say it, the civil war was fought over slavery and not shit else” *silence* a student: “she did say that and she made us read stuff about it too”
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
2 months
me after one of my students randomly walked into my room during my planning period and said “see you tonight! 7pm every tuesday on twitch!”
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@awalmartparking
awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤
1 year
how I feel when the AC repair guy doesn’t realize I’m living in sin and says “we’ll move the truck when your husband comes back so he can get in the driveway”
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