Armie Hammer @armiehammer Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

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Armie Hammer

@armiehammer

4 years

Hey guys, just a friendly reminder that 3% of what the United States spends on war could end world hunger. Goodnight.

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@armiehammer

7 years

@RealJamesWoods Didn't you date a 19 year old when you were 60.......?

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@armiehammer

4 years

Any white person going to the marches and protests should be doing NOTHING but walking and showing support. Stop fucking breaking shit. Stop fucking rioting, you slimy opportunists. You are doing more damage than good. For once, just sit there, shut up, and listen.

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@armiehammer

4 years

Hey........ Sorry...... quick question.... ARE WE JUST GOING TO FUCKING IGNORE ALL OF THE BLACK HUMAN BEINGS WHO HAVE BEEN LYNCHED THE LAST 2 WEEKS?!?!

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@armiehammer

5 years

Hey, while everyone seems to be on this Equinox thing, it might be a good time to mention that one of Trump’s largest financial contributors is the chairman of Marvel Entertainment (Isaac Perlmutter)..... jussayin.

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@armiehammer

6 years

Having lunch in a restaurant and a balloon popped... everyone in the restaurant screamed and you could feel the fear of everyone who thought it was a gunshot. This is getting ridiculous. The thought “how do I get my kids and wife out of here safely?!” was all I could think.

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@armiehammer

4 years

The only people who get mad when you call racists “assholes” are racists.

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@armiehammer

6 years

@RealChalamet The drought is over!! Thank god! Timmy Tim your tweets give me life!!

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@armiehammer

4 years

Anyone who doesn’t think the current iteration of law enforcement isn’t inherently racist, or doesn’t understand why black people are disproportionately targeted, assaulted, and killed, should look up the history of the word patrolman/pattyroller. This shit isn’t new.

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@armiehammer

4 years

I have swept, I have vaccuumed, I have mopped. Cleaned the kitchen and did the dishes. It’s 10:10 am. Am I allowed to have a cocktail yet?

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@armiehammer

4 years

Goodnight to everyone... I love you all. We are all human beings stuck on this crazy rock together and I couldn’t be happier to be here with you all. Except racists. Fuck you guys.

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@armiehammer

4 years

NASA detected a parallel universe where time runs backward yesterday... haven’t heard a single thing about it. Makes me wonder what other crazy shit is happening (ie. being done) while we are locked in our houses and distracted by corona?

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@armiehammer

4 years

Anyone who still listens to trump and takes his “medical advice” should, in fact, inject bleach to fight the corona virus.

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@armiehammer

6 years

Plastic straws? HELL NO! BAN THEM! Assault weapons: ....now wait a minute!

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@armiehammer

4 years

I have forgotten what the real world is like....

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@armiehammer

4 years

How do people expect us to swallow the pill that a few bad cops don’t make all cops bad while they can’t accept that a few looters don’t make all protestors bad?

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@armiehammer

6 years

Is your dick so small that you need access to an AR-15 more than parents need their children? #changethelaws

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@armiehammer

4 years

A hangover is just interest being paid on happiness you borrowed from the next day while drunk the night before.

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@armiehammer

6 years

Just when I thought the Call Me By Your Name experience couldn’t get any better, all of you who came tonight to see the film and celebrate this movie with us from all over the world proved me wrong.... thank you from the bottom of my heart.

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@armiehammer

4 years

Next debate the moderator should be able to mute microphones.

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@armiehammer

4 years

My son killed a fly with his bare hands. Impressive. He bragged excessively about killing it. Slightly concerning. He then carried it around for 20 minutes showing off his kill. This quarantine is getting to everyone.

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@armiehammer

4 years

I just read a tweet that said when two people kiss it creates a big loop with ass holes on both ends. I’m putting my phone away now.

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@armiehammer

6 years

They should put a blood alcohol measuring device on cell phones to keep you from drunkenly reactivating your Twitter...

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@armiehammer

4 years

When a 16 year old white kid goes in to a school with an AR, we feel sorry for him for being bullied. When a 16 year old black kid gets shot in the back by a cop, he shouldn’t have run.

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@armiehammer

6 years

It looks like they misspelled “Elizabeth Chambers” in the title... she’s more than just my wife, she’s the best thing about our family. And the smartest.

Armie Hammer's Wife Elizabeth Chambers Thinks He Took the Tracksuits Thing "Too Far"

"Thank god he’s not wearing one to the Oscars. I thought we were taking it a little too far."

www.wmagazine.com

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@armiehammer

6 years

We came all the way to Crema for this screening and no one showed up..... On a serious note: thank you to all the people who came from so far to enjoy the closing of this Call Me By Your Name circle.

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@armiehammer

4 years

Wait wait wait... the cop who got released on bail had a $1,000,000.00 bail and people paid for it in DONATIONS? Is the donor list public record?!

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@armiehammer

6 years

Mind your own fucking business, ⁦ @CNN ⁩ !!

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@armiehammer

4 years

One murderer down (Chauvin), too many to go. Enough is enough.

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@armiehammer

4 years

Do people still name children Moira?

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@armiehammer

4 years

I have completely lost my ability to tell time. I just calculated how long ago something happened by how many times I’ve cut my toe nails.

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@armiehammer

4 years

The Proud Boys hashtag has been taken over by gay porn and this just made my Sunday.

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@armiehammer

6 years

Just read that the probability of drinking a glass of water that contains at least one molecule of water that passed through a dinosaur is almost 100%. We are all drinking dinosaur pee...

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@armiehammer

4 years

The people who were complaining about the BLM protests and calling them “riots” and admonishing them for any acts of civil unrest, you’d better be supportive of these NBA players PEACEFULLY refusing to play. Otherwise you are mad at the message, not the method.

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@armiehammer

4 years

I can’t wait for Corona to be over so we can go back to the tradition of the person having a birthday blowing spit particles all over a cake everyone else immediately eats.

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@armiehammer

4 years

I had a hunch to check in with a guy who I hadn’t spoken to in over a year... he told me he had spent then entire morning thinking about ending his life. Check in on people. Call your friends/aquaintances/the people you met once or twice. These are hard times for everyone.

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@armiehammer

4 years

Just read that Michael Vick did more jail time for killing a dog than all of the cops who killed the last 493 Black Men combined.... If you still this these protests came outta no where then you are officially a part of the problem.

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@armiehammer

4 years

I like the presidents who DON’T get covid.

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@armiehammer

4 years

I bet Salvador Dali’s mustache looked absolutely ridiculous in the shower.

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@armiehammer

4 years

Are we civil warring today or what?

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@armiehammer

3 years

Hey, America.... are you ok??

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@armiehammer

6 years

Who’s gonna be the one to tell @realDonaldTrump that his wife wasn’t a US citizen when her kids were born? Are we taking their citizenship away too?

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@armiehammer

4 years

And I’m today’s episode of ludicrous double standards: If a cop shoots tear gas at you (and it hits you in the head causing brain damage), that’s called “Crowd Control” But if you pick up the same canister and throw it towards them, it’s called “assault with a deadly weapon”

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@armiehammer

6 years

Happy Academy Awards day everyone! A little fun trivia for you in honor of the Oscars: Nominee Christopher Plummer, MLK Jr., and Anne Frank were all born the same year.

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@armiehammer

6 years

There’s been 101 shootings in the last year... so crazy considering how many thoughts and prayers people have put up to stop it.

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@armiehammer

6 years

Sitting down at a small restaurant for a bite to eat when the waiter (and only front of house staffer) comes running up to my table with a huge smile, “I’m sorry! Halle Berry just called and wants delivery... can you watch the place while I’m gone??” #LAproblems

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@armiehammer

4 years

I just coughed and pulled a muscle in my back. Now... I’m not saying I’m OLD, but that shit never happened in my 20’s. Wtf.

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@armiehammer

4 years

I’ve got an idea... let’s start a gofundme account for anyone who punches a racist in the face. This tweet shouldn’t offend non-racists... so if this tweet DOES makes you mad, someone should punch you in the face and our gofundme will pay their legal fees. Thoughts?

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@armiehammer

4 years

In honor of the Battle of Puebla and Cinco de Mayo, I’ve decided to drink 1862 margaritas. Wish me luck.

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@armiehammer

4 years

Hey guys, just a little reminder that even though 2020 sucks, life feels hard, and things seem hopeless, it’s always a good time to practice gratitude express love to your fellow humans, and ARREST BRETT HANKISON, JONATHAN MATTINGLY, and MYLES COSGROVE.

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@armiehammer

4 years

Just a reminder that the KKK is still not illegal. Yup, that KKK. The guys that publicly lynched, advocated for race war, and actually killed god knows how many human beings. But watch out for those anti fascists!!

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@armiehammer

6 years

A young lady tonight asked me to write a line from CMBYN on a piece of paper so she could get it tattooed on her body and all I can think of is: I didn’t even have a flat surface to put the paper on. Her grandkids are gonna see my chicken scratch writing. Crazy, ha...

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@armiehammer

6 years

Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes...

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@armiehammer

6 years

They should make a line of T-shirts with a patch of micro fiber sewn in the inside by your stomach so you can clean your glasses on the go...

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@armiehammer

6 years

It’s 2018 and my wife just learned to “dab” and now she won’t stop.

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@armiehammer

6 years

Everyone should see Annihilation. Period.

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@armiehammer

4 years

Goodnight to you humans who mean well and want the best for the world...

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@armiehammer

4 years

This debate messsssyyyy

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@armiehammer

4 years

The governor of MN has openly said that he’s seen proof that a portion of the rioting is being done by white supremacists (some even coming from out of state). Can’t imagine why these assholes would want to hijack this protest and make it about violence vs injustice...

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@armiehammer

4 years

Dear people who think Trump not paying taxes for 10 years is ok, if every American ripped off the system that hard by not paying taxes the entire country would literally crumble. Not paying taxes is not a good thing. It’s selfish, unpatriotic, and evidence of a broken system.

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@armiehammer

4 years

The Marines have just decided on Friday to remove ALL confederate flags from their bases. A great decision to make in 1865....

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@armiehammer

5 years

Have you ever started a book that is so good you intentionally read it slowly so you don’t finish it too quickly? If so... what book?

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@armiehammer

4 years

Today is already hard. I can’t decide if I should wear floor t-shirt number one or floor t-shirt number two.....

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@armiehammer

5 years

My dad: “E, would you like a bite of my chicken?” Elizabeth: “Thanks, but I’m not really a chicken person. It’s the khaki pants of the food industry.” I fucking love my wife.

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@armiehammer

4 years

Vacuuming is vastly superior to sweeping.

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@armiehammer

4 years

I wasn’t back in America more than 12 hours before I saw a swastika. In public. Being flown with pride. What the fuck kind of twilight zone episode has America become?

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@armiehammer

6 years

Huge shout out to the coach of the Thai soccer team who used to be a buddhist monk and meditated with the players and helped keep all of the young kids alive during the harrowing 18 days. So incredible. I can’t imagine a better person to be with them. He was the last one out!

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@armiehammer

6 years

@RealJamieCoburn @RealChalamet @CMBYNFilm Isn’t the water cold?! I was shocked. Enjoy! The berm right on the top of the steps when you walk out is where we shot the first kiss.

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@armiehammer

6 years

@RealChalamet You’ve been in London too long if you are saying “ringing”! Get back to NY so we can hang.

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@armiehammer

4 years

Quarantine morning musings: The “ough” sound is pretty versatile. Thought, tough, though, through... that’s gotta be frustrating for people learning English.

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@armiehammer

4 years

The US is at war with itself, they’ve mobilized SOLDIERS to go to war with Americans, black people are still being killed by cops, and it was an Election Day.... no wonder they wanted to silence everyone today. They needed peace and quiet to strategize.

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@armiehammer

4 years

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@armiehammer

6 years

Grow up, Crema.... see you at midnight.

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@armiehammer

4 years

Ok. I need help. I’m debating growing some quarantine facial hair. I think a goatee. Should I call it my Quarantee or Goatine?

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@armiehammer

5 years

Kids died from lawn darts. Lawn darts were banned. No more deaths from lawn darts. If only there was a lesson here...

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@armiehammer

6 years

Shower thought of the day: Isn’t it weird that the human body has so many holes (ears, nose, mouth, ass, etc...) yet if you dunk a body under water none of the water seeps in?

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@armiehammer

4 years

I just read a tweet that said something along the lines of: “it’s crazy your nipples are older than your teeth.” It’s 8am and my day has already been made. All downhill from here.

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@armiehammer

4 years

Whenever I am eating a big juicy burger, or some other big, complicated sandwich, I refuse to put it down once I pick it up. I have no idea what condition the structural integrity will devolve to once I put it down and pick it up again.

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@armiehammer

4 years

There are over 30 states in which is it legal for a cop to have sex with someone in their custody.

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@armiehammer

4 years

Just woke up in the middle of the night to get a drink and as I was drinking from the faucet I realized I was counting my gulps... Does anyone else do this?

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@armiehammer

4 years

Ok... time to learn about each other. I have four movies downloaded on my phone for emergency entertainment: Apocalypse Now, Fanny and Alexander, The Master and Up. What about you?

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@armiehammer

6 years

Hey, bear with me for a minute I got a crazy idea.... How about people stop fucking shooting people?

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@armiehammer

3 years

Why is it so fucking cold. This is dumb.

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@armiehammer

4 years

Came to see my grandma who isn’t feeling well... upon walking in she immediately started to feed me. She fed me so much she got tired and took a nap. She woke up and told me it’s time to go to dinner. It’s 5pm. This is the best. Call your grandparents and tell them you love them.

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@armiehammer

4 years

Anyone got any crazy weekend plans?!?

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@armiehammer

4 years

If you saw the video and it made you as sick as it made me, then you should too.

2023 Run With Maud 5K Run/Walk

www.atlantatrackclub.org

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Armie Hammer

@armiehammer

4 years

Lorde — Glory and Gore

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@armiehammer

4 years

So Mexico just closed its border to the USA....If they get a wall built before trump could I will laugh hysterically. And then I will cry when trump takes credit for it and his fan base believes him.

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@armiehammer

4 years

To the people who go to bed and sleep with socks on: what the hell is wrong with you...? Was just putting my kids in to a bed after they fell asleep in the car and I got in to bed with them with my socks on and it has ruined my entire weekend.

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@armiehammer

6 years

“Listen, American people, we’d love to fix the American education and healthcare system-fuck it, Puerto Rico, too-but that’s too expensive. Oh, did we mention we are creating a branch of the military to patrol space?! Yeah, no one lives there, but it’s important.” -US government

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@armiehammer

4 years

Happy Juneteenth!

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@armiehammer

4 years

Am I taking crazy pills?!

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@armiehammer

4 years

Cholula (and tapatio) are hot sauces for people who don’t like spicy things but want to be “hot sauce” people.

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@armiehammer

3 years

The fact Joe Biden didn’t pick his own children to do jobs they aren’t qualified for feels like it highlights how weird it is trump did just that.... right?

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@armiehammer

5 years

@aaciman BOOOM!

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@armiehammer

6 years

You are 10 times more likely to get bitten by a New Yorker than a shark. #facts

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@armiehammer

4 years

Did trump just justify the pushing over of a 75 year old man and leaving him to bleed because he might have been some super sleeper antifa agent.....? And since when can you not be “anti fascist”? Isn’t that why we fought WW2? Was that the entirety of the Allied position?

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Armie Hammer

@armiehammer

3 years

2021 is going to kneel down before me and kiss my feet because this year I’m the boss of my own year. 2020 was a cheap shot no one was expecting. Now I know what we are up against and it’s time to go to war. Know thy enemy, know thyself.... and exploit the differences.

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@armiehammer

6 years

@TrumpStudents One day these kids are gonna wake up and realize they are allowed to have their own ideas and don’t have to listen to their bigoted, out of touch parents.... hopefully it doesn’t take someone else “pro-gun” walking in to their school and opening fire.

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@armiehammer

6 years

“Humans use their freedom to find their own slavery.” Paulo Coelho

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