Ari @arie1377 Twitter profile

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Ari

@arie1377

2 months

Foreign student trauma: When I first moved from Lithuania to America I was 5 years old and didn’t speak any English. On the first day of kindergarten I was crying so much that my teacher picked me up and let me sit on her lap, meanwhile the rest of the kids sat on the carpet in…

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Ari

@arie1377

3 months

Too short for me… In the Spring fair, a 4 years old child who got lost was crying. A security guard came to console him and said: “If you don’t want to get lost, you should have gripped your mother’s dress”. The boy cried sniffingly: “But my mother’s skirt was too short for me…

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Ari

@arie1377

3 months

HAVE YOU FOUND JESUS ? A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?" The…

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Ari

@arie1377

3 months

It’s coconut Mike was not well. He was tired all the time, and his head often hurt. “Go to doctor”, his wife said. Mike did not like visiting the doctor, but after a week, he went. The doctor asked him a lot of questions and him a lot of questions and wrote Mike’s ansewers down.…

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Ari

@arie1377

3 months

Lone Ranger A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture. Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the…

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Ari

@arie1377

3 months

If you fall asleep now, you will dream. If you study now, you will live your dream.

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Ari

@arie1377

2 months

Sniffing candles with my best friend: So my best friend and I were in a super market and there were a lot of new candles. They all smelled strange so we started to think about names we could give them ‘grandma’s toilet cleaning agent’ or sth like this. Whatever I guess we sniffed…

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Ari

@arie1377

3 months

THE EMINENT SCHOLAR AND THE MAN Bored during a long flight, an eminent scholar woke up the sleeping man alongside him to ask if he would like to play a game. "I'll ask you a question," he explained, "and if you don't know what the answer is, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a…

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Ari

@arie1377

3 months

Fun At The Movies Last week Ronnie Walsh went to the movies at the Rialto Cinema in Bristol to see "Slumdog Millionaire" but because of two women loudly chatting together who were sitting in the row in front of him, Ronnie was unable to hear the dialogue clearly. Ronnie leaned…

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Ari

@arie1377

3 months

4. My Daughter's Music Lessons "My daughter's music lessons are a fortune to me ?" "How is that ?" "They enabled me to buy the neighbors' houses at half price". 5. A Policeman And A Reporter Country Policeman (at the scene of murder) : "You can't come in here" Reporter : "But…

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Ari

@arie1377

3 months

QUESTIONS OF THE DAY (As answered by elementary school students) How Do You Decide Who To Marry? You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it. - Alan, age 10 No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to…

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Ari

@arie1377

3 months

I'm going ice fishing! A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday decided to go ice fishing to make good use of her gift. Early the next morning, she got all her gear together and headed out to the ice. When she reached her final destination, she cut a large hole in the ice…

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Ari

@arie1377

3 months

A man asked his wife, "if you could have anything in the world for one day, what would you want?" "I'd love to be six again," she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every…

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Ari

@arie1377

3 months

DAUGHTER DATING The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and…

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Ari

@arie1377

3 months

An English professior wrote the words, “Woman withour her man is nothing” on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.” The women wrote: “Woman! Without her, man is nothing.”

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Ari

@arie1377

3 months

WHERE AM I? A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall…

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Ari

@arie1377

3 months

HOW TO PLEASE A WOMAN A group of girlfriends are on vacation when they see a 5- story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works.…

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Ari

@arie1377

3 months

A friendship can weather most things and thrive in thin soil; but it needs a little mulch of letters and phone calls and small, silly presents every so often – just to save it from drying out completely. - Pam Brown

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Ari

@arie1377

3 months

The Ambitious Firework:Why did the firework apply for a job? It wanted to make a bang in the industry!

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