Alli Breen @allibreen Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

@rick_lary

@ComradeSylvia

@exinetech

@Khalchris_

@KatyJay1980

@demagogiaa

@Asupansubindood

@tfn_uk

@hananmedo5

@MaccaKOT

@ozair_e_rahman

@ayyan_dawo47010

@ValentineJoubin

@AniitaDraw

@voice_2am

@nagi_coscos

@stw_pdg

@mattbolton34

@susanfahey

@myau_hnm

@JoomXchange

@Slykage1

@nn5329566598151

@hayato_o_suou

@Pidge

@Hijabshinee

@aarc_tweets

@MrDimensional

@g_kabsz

@Gregsy_reborn

@MustangPrecious

@MARY_ESMAEELI

@ClarionCallPR

@jandakembangstw

@shejscapalot

@CalcagnoEr72685

Alli Breen

@allibreen

3 years

Celebrating international women’s day by yelling at men to SMILE.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

6 years

Tonya Harding was the original athlete to take a knee for the country.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

5 years

5 minutes into the ride home with @artiequitter and we already got pulled over by cops. It’s in his pheromones 😂😂😂

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

3 years

This is very off-pudding.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

4 years

Fauci’s first pitch definitely shows he doesn’t want anyone to catch anything.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

5 years

My uber driver just said, “I used to live in Russia so for me this small snow a joke.” Then we hit the car in front of us.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

1 year

I don’t know how I’ve made it this far in life 😂😂😂

The BOB & TOM Show

@bobandtom

1 year

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

3 years

Divorce lawyers are taking Larry King's death the hardest.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

3 years

By next year if I’m not in a relationship I’ll just change my sex. Fuck it I’ll become my own man.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

3 years

CDC says if you’re vaccinated you can go back to being the disgusting person you were pre-pandemic.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

5 years

Which is less offensive, slut or hoe? This bridesmaid’s speech is hard to get just right.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

3 years

If you don’t wanna see friends or family for Christmas, invite them over for a vegan holiday dinner.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

6 years

Models shouldn’t sell us waterproof, smudge proof make up. Porn stars should.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

4 years

Just booked a flight solely for the TSA pat down.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

4 years

My brother brought me some masks. I said oh yeah cuz it’s the new law? And he said no cuz you’re ugly.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

6 years

There you go #MattDamon . I made you a cake.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

7 years

Women: "guys are so gross they attack us online for our looks and our weight" *spends 3 days destroying Blake Sheldon (super talented guy who gives to multiple charities) for not being attractive enough to them

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

4 years

2019: calls police when a man approaches you wearing a face mask 2020: calls police when a man approaches you without a face mask

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

3 years

Just changed out of my pandemic sweat pants and put my thanksgiving sweat pants on.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

3 years

Two people in front of me at Krispy Kreme just got vaccination donuts. Their dedication to making sure we die of diabetes instead of Covid is admirable.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

4 years

I like wrong number texts way better than actual texts

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

4 years

Thanks Hoarders! #corona #covid #covid19

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

4 years

This quarantine made me join #TikTok . 🤸🏼🤸🏼🤸🏼 #simonebiles #handstandchallenge #fitness ⁦ @Simone_Biles ⁩

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

4 years

Tryna decide if I should go as “slutty COVID” or “slutty California wildfires” for Halloween this year.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

3 years

Instead of pre-nups we should straight up take security deposits.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

4 years

Netflix just asked if I’m still watching and if I even own pants anymore.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

2 years

A rat just ran over my feet and when I screamed he gave me the finger. #nyc

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

6 years

This has gotta be a tough year for mistletoe sales. #sexualharassment

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

4 years

Getting a back alley bikini wax for Memorial Day weekend, wish me luck.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

5 years

Sorry when I said I was submissive I just meant that I’m really, really lazy.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

3 years

Got a new mask for the re-opening of comedy clubs in NYC!

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

2 years

I thought butt stuff didn’t count as cheating. #chess #scandal #hansniemann

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

3 years

Just added Xanax to my trail mix.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

4 years

So do you REALLY love cranberry sauce, or are you fighting off a UTI

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

2 years

So is it bots telling me I’m unfunny and unfuckable, or real people?

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

3 years

Theres a 30 day wait period to buy a gun, but you can buy a nail gun immediately.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

5 years

Just stared a guy dead in the eyes as I ate this gingerbread man crotch first.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

3 years

This bodega guy just told a woman the the bathroom’s for employees only, and she’s now loudly threatening to shit on the floor. And they say live entertainment is done in nyc.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

3 years

People spend so much time on the silent ‘g’ in bologna, and never mention the fact that the ‘a’ makes an ‘ie’ sound for no reason.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

4 years

About to discuss love in the time of quarantine on @bobandtom in 10 min!

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

5 years

I'm way more turned on by a robot that cleans my house than a sex robot.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

2 years

It’s important to see your family over the holidays. Because then you remember, “Oh yeah, that’s why I’m messed up.”

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

6 years

It's $6K to attend a Tony Robbins weekend, so instead I'm paying a tall friend $5 to yell inspirational quotes in my face.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

4 years

Dad: looks like the storm has blown out our electricity. Kids: No worries, let’s light up Gweneth Paltrow’s vagina.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

5 years

OMG you look like you could be my little sister!!! 👭

Jessica Alsman

@jnalsman

5 years

During @allibreen 's Dear Alli yesterday on @bobandtom I mentioned I tried going blonde in college & couldn't pull it off. So here's the #tbt . (Also tried cooking.)

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

6 years

The drunk guy in the middle seat just leaned over me to open my window, and I’m pretty sure that violates every rule of plane etiquette.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

9 years

World War Onesie #makehistorycute @midnight

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

3 years

I’ll be on @KennedyNation tonight at 7pm. Tune in!

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

4 years

Alcohol sometimes brings out the worst in people, but comment sections ALWAYS do.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

4 years

OMG ENOUGH ABOUT YOUR SHE-SHED SHERYL

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

4 years

Tryna to decide whether to watch Netflix, Hulu or the world burn itself to the ground.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

5 years

Your spirit animal keeps trying to hump me.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

2 years

I’m just glad this guy masturbating on the A train has his mask on so we feel safe. #omicron #nyc

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

5 years

I legit thought this was @JimNorton in a wig.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

4 years

OMG WE GET IT BUSINESSES YOU ALL HAVE PROTOCOLS IN PLACE. Now STOP SPAMMING ME so I can get back to watching coronavirus porn.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

4 years

Government: Sorry we have no ability to test our citizens for coronavirus. *tests a Tiger at the Bronx Zoo #COVID19

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

6 years

I could never live in a parallel universe. mostly because of the parking.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

5 years

A trial is about to start for two hot teachers who had a threesome with a male student. I guess he got injured from all the high fives.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

5 years

The Dalai Lama said a female successor would have to have a pretty face. That’s so unenlightened. If she had great tits or a sweet ass, the face would be moot.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

3 years

When people go back in time they always wanna kill Hitler, but I'd stop video from killing the radio star.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

5 years

About to open for my pal @artiequitter at @ComedyGovs !

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

6 years

Just saw a guy wrap a hotdog in a slice of pizza and I think I found my soulmate.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

4 years

If you’re out in public with a runny nose, you might as well be carrying a grenade.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

6 years

Why is "I beg your pardon" still acceptable, but "I do declare" sounds completely insane?

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

5 years

Called my mom today to wish her a happy Mother’s Day. It’s not Mother’s Day. 🤦🏼‍♀️

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

4 years

Hertz just filed for bankruptcy. They survived having OJ Simpson as a spokesperson, but couldn’t survive the shutdown.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

3 years

One day we’ll look back fondly on the glory days of everyone having to stand 6 feet away from us.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

3 years

We all know secret sauce is always Thousand Island, right?

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

5 years

My sister gets concerned that my mom drinks alone. I’m like, she’s not really drinking alone, she’s babysitting your kids.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

6 years

Just heard two back to back songs by rappers complaining about fame, and i don't know who either of them are.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

4 years

I’m more afraid of what I might get from people’s filthy masks than I am of getting Corona . 😳😷

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

2 years

Amber Heard’s legal team should have end closing arguments with, “If it wasn’t her shit, you must acquit.” #JohnnyDeppvAmberHeard

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

5 years

There’s a girl on the train wearing a short skirt and purell-ing her legs, and yes that girl is me.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

5 years

Why is there no cheese version of Edible Arrangements?

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

4 years

Just deleted 2020 from my calendar app.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

4 years

Sorry your uncle subscribed to your Onlyfans.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

4 years

Ok we may have locked down too late but at least we’re re-opening too early.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

3 years

This picture will give you guys nightmares 😂😳

The BOB & TOM Show

@bobandtom

3 years

Coming up today! Ask Alli with comedian @allibreen

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

5 years

Apple told me people stole my data through something called "juice-jacking," which sounds like OJ jerking off.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

2 years

Idea: Stop asking people “why AREN’T you married,” and start asking “why ARE you married.”

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

4 years

Whoever's upset about Elon Musk naming his kid X Æ A-12, remember there's a guy out there named Dick Pound.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

5 years

Happy Hallow-meme! #halloween #halloween2019 #memes

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

4 years

If they REALLY want to clear public spaces and parks, they should have comics livestream their sets there.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

3 years

I just pulled my earbuds out of my purse and a spork came flying out. #wifematerial

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

6 years

...for english press one, for spanish press 2, for a good time press 69

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

10 years

The judge is reading the Oscar Pistorius verdict now. Looks like a 2 game suspension.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

5 years

A girl just ran into the bathroom I’m in yelling “CHIPOTLE IS NOT MY FRIEND”

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

10 years

Lice Bucket Challenge for ALS #failedcharities @midnight

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

4 years

Our dogs are having the last laugh. #dogcone #dog #cone #coneofshame #face #donttouch #donttouchyourface #corona #virus #coronavirus #coronavirusmemes #quarantine #quarantineandchill #newyork #ny #nyc #couch #couchpotato #funny #meme #memes #funnymemes

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

5 years

No one cares what “old you” looks like. #faceapp

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

4 years

Remember when Adam Sandler threatened to do the shittiest movie on purpose if Uncut Gems wasn't nominated fo an Oscar? Voila #HubieHalloween

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

4 years

Everyone’s making quarantine cooking shows, so here’s mine: “Cooking (meth) at home with Alli”

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

8 years

Do female suicide bombers get 72 male virgins? Do they know they can just come hang out at this GameStop that I'm in?

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

5 years

For a country full of IT workers, the wifi really sucks in India.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

6 years

The guy next to me on the train just farted really aggressively. I feel violated. #metoot

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

4 years

F U OK I’LL DO WHAT YOU TELL ME

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

3 years

TUNE IN!!!

The BOB & TOM Show

@bobandtom

3 years

We have these two wonderful women joining us today on the show ... @allibreen & @jnalsman Watch it for free at

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

6 years

Sorry for all the mean things I said while u were being an asshole.

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

5 years

So excited to be live on @bobandtom tomorrow morning at 7am in NYC!!! I’m bringing a bucket of Purell for Tom. . . . . #bobandtom #radio #liveradio #talkradio #morning #morningradio #best #crew #allibreen #askalli …

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Alli Breen

@allibreen

4 years

"Well at least 2020 can't get any worse" -Chris D'Elia yesterday

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