NYC is falling apart and I have to get out of here. So I tried to become country and join The Montana Boyz
New Smokes Show live now. I think it’s the funniest of the year. Please watch it!
ESPN draft prep: “Alright just gonna need your height, weight, hometown, a fun fact, and then the most horrific tragedy that’s ever happened to you or an immediate family member”
I’m watching the game on Nickelodeon with my 3-year-old son and he just asked “Daddy, why do the Saints insist on forcing the football to Taysom Hill when he doesn’t do anything that well and they have 2 better QBs and 4-5 better playmakers on their roster”
I’m so proud
5 years ago today I worked at 7-Eleven on 7/11 free slurpee day. 98 degree heat. Hoards of people coming in and one 19 year old there to serve them all. Sweat on my face. Dirt on my hands. One of the greatest acts of bravery in American history.
I'm gonna say something brave..... What if Brittany Mahomes just isn't that bad? Patrick has been with her for 11 years and married her. Taylor and her seem friendly. We haven't heard anyone that knows her personally really badmouth her. Maybe she's actually kind of OK?
Official feelings on possible Giants draft choices at
#6
Ecstatic if
-K. Murray
-Q. Williams
-N. Bosa
-J. Allen
Happy if
-D. Haskins
-E. Oliver
Meh if
-M. Sweat
-D. White
-C. Wilkins
Might leave fanbase if
-Daniel Jones
Shohei Ohtani just signed a 10 year - $700M contract with the Los Angeles Dodgers today.
To put into NFL terms, this is the equivalent to Younghoe Koo signing a 10 year - $700M contract with the Las Vegas Raiders.
Huge win for Asian athletes.
Conspiracy theory: Does Family Feud actually survey 100 Americans?
I did some math. Through the years, ~1.2 Million people should have been surveyed.
I’ve never heard of ONE person doing a Family Feud survey. Do they even exist or does the show just make up the answers?
I apologize and take accountability for my actions, they were uncalled for. My very worst moment was captured on video. Although the memes have been amusing, the flipside has been cruel. I’m thankful for my friends and family for supporting me through this. This experience has…
I cannot believe someone got this on camera. I wasn’t even gonna tweet the story because I figured nobody would believe it. But here it is. A guy got handsy with the girl I was with and I simply had to do something even though I really didn’t want to. I am kind of a hero!
Just talked to
@WakaFlocka
again at RnR.
Me: “you remember my bars?”
Waka: “Hell yeah. Url.”
He then turned to his manager and said “Yo you gotta hear this kid’s bars”
What a world
People are not going to keep playing Wordle if it just becomes throwing a bunch of random letters and hoping it makes a word nobody has heard of! The fun was that they were at least words people knew! The game is ruined!
We've raised about $240k so far for family of fallen NYPD cop Jonathan Diller.
@stoolpresidente
will match whatever our total raised through midnight today is
Shop now:
I finally got a credit card and these things are awesome. Swipe swipe swipe and literally nothing comes out of my checking account. Free money. Only had it for about 3 weeks, what’s the catch???
If there’s a
#WorldWarIII
draft, I’m so in the clear it’s not even funny
-Acid reflux
-Seasonal allergies
-Frequent urination
-Sinus infections
-My knee hurts sometimes
I’d be a huge liability out there
Awhile back, I tweeted a dumb joke that subtly let everyone know it was my birthday. Since then, I’ve matured a lot and vowed to never stoop that low for attention again.
That tweet was exactly 3 years ago today. Crazy how much people can change
Congrats to future Deadspin employee Christian Hoban
Just kidding. Worked with him enough at Fordham to know that he’s not talented enough to get hired anywhere
7 years ago today, a 19 year old clocked into his shift at 7-Eleven. But this was no ordinary day. This was 7/11 Free Slurpee Day. It was 101 degrees and the store's AC was broken. Hoards of people came in for their slurpees and one man served them all
That 19 year old ? Was me.
At the airport and two Hasidic Jewish men approached me. The son said he was a Barstool fan and then the father said “Wish him a Happy Yom Kippur!” The son said “I’m not sure if he’s Jewish…” when the dad interrupted with “What?! Look at him! He looks more Jewish than me!” My…
Guy’s dating app profile: “Just a Jim looking for his Pam”
Girl: Nice bio, I love The Office!
Guy: When can you come in to interview?
Girl: haha what? Do you mean date?😂
Guy: No my office is looking for a new receptionist. Are you proficient with Excel?
It’s actually insane what Joel Embiid is doing this series. Never seen a dirtier player just blatantly trying to hurt people like this. Absolute scumbag