New season starts today and I’ll be honest - I’ve got butterflies. But one great fact about butterflies is that they only show up when you care a lot about something. And also they taste with their feet.
New season kicks off March 15!
And unlike that guy who ordered Fireball at dinner and kept saying “crypto is the future,” this is one date you’ll want to remember.
Green bean casserole is the Chandler Bing of Thanksgiving dinner. You don’t expect it to be your favorite, but there it is every time winning all of our hearts.
Lovin’ all the costumes today! It's weird seein’ yourself everywhere. Kinda like Being John Malkovich, but with more khaki and less John Malkovich. Which is a shame ‘cause nothing's improved by subtracting John Malkovich. Uh-oh. I'm saying Malkovich too much. Malkovich. Malkovich
Everyone’s talkin’ about this weekend’s Saturday Night Live, and I gotta say, I don’t think I’ve ever been this excited for a guest. Love me some Brandi Carlile!
A few years ago I hopped on a plane with Coach Beard headin' to a little town in London. Tonight we play our final match.
It's like what I say about the films of David Lynch. I can't tell you what's happenin', but I sure as heck don't want it to end.
A wise man once said "don’t let what you can’t do stop you from doing what you can do." Thanks to him, I once sang Always Be My Baby at karaoke and started coachin’ a sport I knew nothing about.
Happy birthday, Coach Wooden.
If we don’t love ourselves, we can’t love others. It’s like tryin' to win arcade tickets without any quarters. Today there are kids across the country who will love and accept themselves that much more. And for that, I thank you, Carl.
Las Vegas Raiders DE Carl Nassib comes out as gay
He also announced a $100K donation to the Trevor Project, a suicide prevention organization for LGBTQ youth.
Well folks, it’s officially halftime of 2022. If George Costanza changing at a beach house in the Hamptons taught us anything: don’t throw in that towel just yet.
I always hear the question: who let the dogs out (who who who who)? With respect to The Baha Men, I prefer WHEN let the dogs out (when when when when)?
‘Cause guess what, Greyhounds? Our 2nd season starts 7/23! Can I get a Bah Amen!? That’s what I used to think they were called
A wise man once said wrinkles only go where the smiles have been.
Well thanks for makin’ me look like a California Raisin version of Walter Matthau on a tanning bed, Jimmy.
Rest in paradise.
Two years ago today, I became manager of
@AFCRichmond
. Now it’s onto year three!
Last time I was a “threenager” I was learning how to stay still and articulate my emotions, and I still am. At least my stain defenders are Dockers now.
I agree with every bit of this. The thing about small victories is that they’re easier to carry with you. I’m calling myself the champion of popping every single kernel of popcorn in the microwave last night.
Turns out replying to every person on Twitter is hard. But saying something nice is easy. So let’s make every day
#SaySomethingNiceDay
, then maybe we can have
#SaySomethingNiceYear
.
I believe we could all use a whole year like that.
Now this is the kinda interview I can get behind. Although the lack of Sour Patch Kids here made me make the face I make when I eat them. All in all, solid gameplay, Coach.
Hot dog! 75 years ago today, It’s A Wonderful Life debuted and gave us two enduring lessons: anyone can make an impact, and two hours of mortgage talk will somehow always end in tears.
I’m re-watchin’ tonight at 8pm CT if y’all wanna join!
The Roy Kent Effect is like having Chewbacca on your team. He may be loud and hairy, but he also knows how to steer the ship (and I assume gives incredible hugs).
“Ted Lasso” wrote a motivational message for each member of the U.S. Men's National Team going to the World Cup.
They’re posted on billboards in their hometowns.
I learned about this term “doom scrolling” from my boy, Roy. Now, I know sometimes when you fall on tough time it's easy to get lost in the bad. But today I think we should turn it around.
How about some
#HopeScrolling
? I’ll start:
Got the dreaded
@SouthwestAir
C boarding group. Rather than be grumpy I thought to myself - what would
@TedLasso
do? So I chatted up a lovely mother and daughter celebrating moms 90th.
In my experience, the best solution for burnout is to cook it out instead. Nothing a little sunshine, a rack of ribs, and a plate of mac ’n cheese can’t fix.
Lookin’ to feel old? Sleepless in Seattle came out a whole 28 years ago today. Want to feel young? Spend some time on a trampoline. That always makes me feel like a little kid again.
Today’s
#WorldKindnessDay
, what’s a kind thing someone’s done for you?
One time on the tube the person beside me was watchin' Fresh Prince on their phone. They saw me sneakin’ a peek and turned on the subtitles. Guess I’m about as subtle as Jazzy Jeff's shirts.
Apparently today is
#SaySomethingNiceDay
, so I'm turning Twitter roasts into Twitter toasts. Reply with
#ToastMe
below so I can say something nice about you!
Remembering Charlie Watts, 1941 - 2021. Watts brought exactly what was needed to each
@RollingStones
song for six decades. Powerful yet understated, he could swing, shuffle, and rock all at once—forcefully driving the band on “Satisfaction,”
I just can’t get into this whole online dating world. Call me old-fashioned, but I’d rather meet someone buying the last pair of gloves at Bloomingdales, then we share a frozen hot chocolate and hope we come upon a book and a $5 bill with each other's phone numbers on it.
Alright y’all, I need to bust out some Margaret Wise Brown and put this rumor to bed. Jamie and I are not in fact sittin’ in this fella’s hand. It’s just a funny little camera trick that Peter Jackson and tourists in Egypt call ‘forced perspective.’
55 years ago my mom was grillin’ in the backyard of her duplex in Merriam, KS listening to Joni Mitchell’s Urge for Going on the radio drinkin’ a chilled lemon Fresca. And I wasn’t even a glimmer in her eye yet. We’ve both come a long way, England.
#Believe
Happy 245th b-day
#America
🎉 I know age can weigh down on you and make things a bit, well, tense. But my Aunt Maud swears by aqua jogging, and you’ve got 2 whole oceans to work with, so let’s make the next 245 stronger than the first 🇺🇸
A man of his word, thanks
@TedLasso
!
Better late than never, 50 boxes of forgiveness are gratefully accepted 🍪
P.s, tell Colin, mae'r ddraig Gymreig yn gryf ynddo! 🏴
🔴⚪️
#WxmAFC
x
#Believe
Time sure does fly by faster than a cartoon hedgehog. It’s already time for me to get ready for AFC Richmond’s next season. I’ve made a list of things I do to get energized, any additions? (Keeley recommended I try the “Hot Girl Walk”)
It was an honor and a privilege to announce such an impressive group of athletes. And I stand by that Rose Lavelle candle. Smells like potential.
#OneNationOneTeam
#Believe
Young Aaliyah was so sad her Trinity Rodman jersey didn’t arrive in time for Thursday’s
#SheBelievesCup
.
So look what Trinity Rodman did after the match….
Get your tissues 🫶🥹
We’ve tied a few games lately, but Henry just reminded me that a few ties can make you look ready for a promotion (and also Future Marty from Back To The Future 2).
I love when players stay connected to their old teams. They say in life we become a little piece of everyone we meet. With Dani, it’s like consuming three bottles of Sunny D in a 90s commercial, an endless burst of sunshine.
Hot dog! 75 years ago today, It’s A Wonderful Life debuted and gave us two enduring lessons: anyone can make an impact, and two hours of mortgage talk will somehow always end in tears.
I’m re-watchin’ tonight at 8pm CT if y’all wanna join!