Tony P. @Tbone7219 Twitter profile

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

21 days

How old does someone have to be before you can officially call them a fucking asshole? Please say 6

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@Tbone7219

29 days

Sober or not if a cop ask me to recite the alphabet backwards I’ll just put myself in the back seat of their car.

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@Tbone7219

6 years

Is it fucking Maybelline or not ?

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@Tbone7219

21 days

Boss is off today so that means I’ll be driving the forklift to the strip club at lunch

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@Tbone7219

2 years

My wife just asked me “ Do you notice anything different about me?” Now I’m scared as fuck

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@Tbone7219

11 months

My wife wanted Wendy’s…. I did not want Wendy’s …. So we compromised and we’re having Wendy’s.

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@Tbone7219

2 years

I have hit rockbottom, I’m watching a Hallmark movie with my wife.

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@Tbone7219

2 years

I texted my wife “what's wrong" 3 hours ago and she has yet to stop typing.

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@Tbone7219

23 days

This dude comes and visits me every morning

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

1 month

It's pronounced "vase" not "vahz" you snobbish pretentious fuck.

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@Tbone7219

1 month

Hey assholes, it’s not brain surgery….. Return your fucking grocery carts.

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@Tbone7219

5 years

My daughter joined the Navy.... I’m one proud papa

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

1 month

*has a panic attack from thinking about having a panic attack*

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

5 months

Remember before Amazon parents would go to Toys "R" Us and beat each other fucking senseless over the last Barbie doll …. Good Times

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

24 days

I’m sorry I flipped your kitchen table over in a mad rage when you didn’t offer any garlic bread with your lasagna.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

6 months

After 14 years we had to say goodbye to Blacky ….. she was my best friend …. It’s like losing a family member.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

2 years

Soooo many questions

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

14 days

What kind of emotional trainwreck prefers dipping their wings in blue cheese rather than ranch?

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

3 months

My wife just accused me of not listening to whatever the fuck she was just talking about.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

3 months

After a nuclear blast, this alarm clock would still be fucking beeping.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

2 years

Ex-wife contacted me because she said she needed closure. I told her if her legs had closure we might still be married.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

1 month

The Masters would be a lot more interesting if there were starving alligators roaming through out the golf course.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

11 days

My sanctuary behind my home.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

12 years

I swallowed my NyQuil with a 5 Hour energy and a latte and now my pet unicorn Steve and I are off to bake cheesecakes.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

6 years

Who in the fuck orders a medium pizza ?

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

5 years

I know Tom Hanks fucked that volleyball.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

7 days

A BIG FUCK YOU to microwaveable meals that you have to take out and stir and then put back in.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

1 month

Apparently hospitals are not the best place to start unplugging things so you can charge your iPhone.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

3 months

The most fucked up part about being an adult is dropping a shitload of money at the grocery store and still having nothing to eat.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

1 month

Went through the 10-items-or-less lane with 12 items and I've never felt so fucking alive.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

25 days

Fuck a Klondike bar .... You haven't seen what I'd do for a McDonald’s Hash Brown

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

12 years

If zombies ever attack just go to Costco, they have walls, years of food and supplies, and zombies can't get in without a Costco membership

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

5 years

Just spotted Clark Griswold.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

8 months

Kids these days will never know how awesome this was ….. only thing missing is the bread and mayo.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

5 months

Big shout out to my Aunt for the $100 gift card from Panera Bread now I can finally afford that grilled cheese and small soup I always wanted

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

12 years

My girlfriend thinks I'm at work. My boss thinks I'm home sick. These ducks think I'm fuckin' awesome because I have the bread.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

5 years

My favorite part about Black Friday is the part where I go to a crowded mall and find a great parking spot and sit in my car with the reverse lights on.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

2 years

I miss it when we use to argue over which is better Coke or Pepsi

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

11 days

A fucking nuclear blast couldn’t remove dried up Fruity Pebbles from a bowl.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

2 years

Elvis Presley made 30 million last year dead and I’m stuck in traffic in a Ford Focus with the gas light on and eating a $1 cheeseburger from McDonald’s

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

12 years

How to be a bouncer: 1) be an asshole. 2) stand near a door.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

2 years

Not to brag, but I have the most teeth at this Dollar General store.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

4 years

I'm 47 and still say "Yes Ma'am/Sir and No Ma'am/Sir" to the elderly .... It's called respect.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

19 days

I wish that package of Oreo Double Stuf cookies in the pantry would shut the fuck up.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

4 months

I already hate everyone at work tomorrow.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

2 years

7 more cassettes and I'll have finally fulfilled the terms of my Columbia House contract.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

4 months

1965~ Wow Cher looks good 1985 ~ Wow Cher looks good 1995 ~ Wow Cher looks good 2024 ~Wow Cher looks good 3035 ~ Wow Cher looks good

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

2 years

If you have never had a green phone that was mounted on the kitchen wall with long cord attached to it, then you’re way to young for us to hangout.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

2 years

It’s the annual lightning of the Christmas dicks.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

13 days

My home security system is just a copy of my paycheck taped to my front door.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

4 months

How 2 beers can equal pissing every 5 minutes for the next 8 hours is fucking beyond me.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

3 years

Your microwave popcorn is going to fucking murder you.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

12 years

My girlfriend needs to start putting her cell phone and keys right next to all the things I've done wrong that she will never forget.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

4 months

Whoever designed my car where everything I drop fits perfectly down that gap between my seat and console expect for my hand is a fucking asshole.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

11 months

Don't tell me about your childhood problems ....my Saturday nights were sitting at home watching Hee Haw with my parents.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

6 months

I still cannot believe I was late for work tomorrow.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

5 years

I got drunk and threw up in the front seat of a Pontiac Fiero at a Bon Jovi concert back in 88’ .... There was no Internet, so I'm telling you guys now.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

5 years

Nothing says fuck you quite like getting a $5 Starbucks gift card from your boss.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

10 days

Teenagers these days will never know how awesome this cast was from the movie The Outsiders

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

1 month

If you use the phrase “it is what it is” please know that I hate you.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

2 years

I need a dozen copies of this to keep in my car.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

1 month

There’s no better feeling than getting into a freshly made bed.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

2 years

That’s the last time I wear a fucking red polo shirt to Target.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

11 months

Anyone who is “overwhelmed by all of the birthday wishes” on Facebook lives a sad, sad life.... in other depressing news I turned 51 today

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

12 years

I passed a homeless guy who asked "Any change!?" I said "Nope, your still dirty and homeless". We laughed and laughed and then he stabbed me

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

11 years

For most people when you lose your "khakis" you've lost your pants. When you're from Boston & lose your "khakis" you can't start your car.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

3 months

Went to Aldi’s for a loaf of bread and came home with a 6 piece patio set.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

1 month

My daughter can watch a movie in HD on her iPhone ..... I had to look at shitty pictures of fake dinosaurs on this.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

11 months

I miss this view when I woke up every morning for school.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

5 years

I’m 47 and yes I still get excited if something glows in the dark.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

10 months

An F5 tornado can flatten my house in seconds but my moms ‘70’s floor model tv would be still fucking standing.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

5 years

A BIG FUCK YOU to small cars that look like open parking spaces.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

2 years

It’s official I’m a grandfather….. her name is Atlas Shelby she weighs 7 pounds 9 ounces

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

10 months

It saddens me that kids these days will never feel the humiliation of having their family portrait taken at a Sears.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

1 year

What the fuck were we thinking in the 70’s?

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

1 month

I can feel the sadness in this photo

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

12 days

I don’t trust anyone who bends down to pick up an ice cube rather then just kick that fucker under the fridge.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

4 years

Who the fuck orders a medium pizza?

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

12 years

So I met this hooker who said she'd do anything for ten bucks . Guess who got his yard cut?

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

12 years

"My phone's about to die." -Me, 30 seconds into every phone call ....

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

2 years

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez got married, in other news my cat is licking his balls.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

4 years

I’m 47 and yes I still get excited when I see bubbles .... fuck you.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

3 years

300 fucking grocery carts and I always pick the Ford Pinto model with a flat tire.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

5 years

Fuck 2019 I want to go back to 1985 when the movies and music was good and we did not sit around all day staring at a fucking phone.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

1 year

Wearing a fake teardrop tattoo today so no one will ask me to hold their baby.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

3 months

Just saw a kid outside climbing a tree in his front yard .... so there’s still hope in this world my friends

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

11 days

f you're riding a bike in New York City it means you care about your health .... Riding one here in Tennessee it means you got a DUI.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

11 years

My girlfriend just accused me of not listening to whatever the fuck she was just talking about.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

2 years

I did coke off a Ratt cassette case in a porta potty at a Mötley Crüe concert back in 92’ we didn’t have social media back then so I’m telling you now.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219

17 days

The upside of doing cocaine, I found out my neighbors garden gnome is a good listener.

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Tony P.

@Tbone7219