🔥Reverend Aiden @SweetFnLucifer Twitter profile

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🔥Reverend Aiden

5 years

In case you missed it, I launched a Patreon yesterday. Publishing tons of writing (shit that would get me nuked off Twitter). If I make you laugh, or you want to read me long-form, consider becoming a Patron. Thanks so much to all you who already have

Get more from Reverend Aiden on Patreon

creating satire and political commentary

www.patreon.com

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

6 years

Now that shit is hitting the fan, you'll soon hear calls for leniency, forgiveness for the sake of "healing the nation." To hell with that. The GOP has brought us to a Constitutional clusterfuck. Only the harshest punishments will suffice. Zero tolerance for treason & swamp ass.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

6 years

ENOUGH. Stop the fucking facade. We're all guilty of salivating about a blue wave, but we gotta stop treating it like it's some divinely ordained inevitability. The GOP may be utterly incompetent at governing, but they're god damn Yoda when it comes to slithering into power.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

6 years

Obama spent nearly his entire presidency making countless polite gestures to the GOP, compromising for the sake of civility. They STILL painted him as the fucking anti-Christ. No matter what we do, the alt-Reich will portray us as monsters. Stop apologizing. Embrace your anger.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

4 years

My dad, a redneck who loathes politics & has NEVER voted, just left me a voicemail. Between the random string of obscenities, I can decipher “Boy, I need you to help me vote. Your momma just told me that son of a bitch is gonna fuck me. That’s my fucking money.”

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

I fucking love Nancy Pelosi. All the venom of a viper delivered with the grace of a swan. A once-in-a-generation leader, schooling these rancid tools on the daily. Couldn't give a fuck how many Bernie Bros call me a "sell out" for supporting her. I'm all-in for Madam Speaker.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

2 years

A lot of credit and praise is rightfully being heaped on Gen Z, but I want to extend my thanks to the millions of Boomers who have spent decades faithfully voting for sanity despite crushing disappointments & defeat. These wins are yours, too.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

6 years

Oh, fuck off. Maxine Waters never "incited violence." Greatly disappointed by Corey Booker and others on the left surrendering to the absurd notion that she did something wrong. Directly confronting those in power with your VOICE is as democratic as you can fucking get.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

6 years

For too long, “liberal” has been allowed to be used as a dirty word. Right wing nut jobs have been allowed to control the narrative without a fight. Enough of that shit. Liberal is synonymous with the best humanity has to offer. Never forget that.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

I don't socialize with Trump supporters for the same reason I don't repeatedly bash my head against a fucking wall. Policy differences are one thing, but the enthusiastic embrace of willful ignorance is another matter entirely. Call me crazy, but I'm allergic to malignant idiocy

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

4 years

Fuck it, Nancy. Impeach Bill Barr the moment Trump releases a nominee. Clog this shit up like a Golden Corral toilet decimated by a herd of feral Huckabees.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

11 months

As someone who has spent years clean from cocaine after it almost ruined my life, I can say with full confidence that no addict casually loses or forgets about their big bag of blow. You guard it with your fucking life. My money is on it clearly being planted.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

2 years

Biden is receiving a lot of backup at the polls from BOOMERS. A generation that I have a soft spot for and hate seeing so many disdainfully dismiss. It'll be quite a turn of events if senior citizens are the ones that end up putting the final nail in the GOP's coffin.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

3 years

No matter how bad today gets, take comfort in knowing that Jimmy Carter has officially outlived Rush Limbaugh.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

6 years

To hell with Morning Joe. These pretentious fucks pretend to be righteous, but spent half of 2016 propping Trump up. Robert De Niro telling Trump to fuck off won't "hurt Democrats." If vulgarity were a political liability, a senile reality star wouldn't be in the White House.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

Yeah, I support Warren. But I’ll be god damned if I beat up on Biden for shit in the 90s, trash Kamala for being a cop, or even fling venom at Bernie over a prior grudge. I am promoting the fuck out of whoever wins (offer not valid for Tulsi, aka Breitbart Barbie).

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

6 years

I'm so fucking tired of hearing about the mythical "moderate swing voter." If someone still supports Trump, it is due to a blatant approval of his war against democracy. You'd be better off reasoning with a starving rat. Quit walking on pins & needles to pacify unicorns.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

6 years

Ivanka. Listen up, ya little incestuous sweatshop princess. You can't claim ignorance when your father/sugar daddy foamed at the mouth about Hillary's emails for a god damn year. Like anyone with the Trump genetic sewage pumping in their veins, you assumed the rules didn't apply.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

6 years

Go ahead, Lindsey Graham. Tell the world how much you'll miss John McCain. Doesn't change the fact that he died knowing you allowed yourself to be rendered nothing more than a golf caddie for Putin's bottom bitch. That's something you'll just have to live with, sweetheart.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

After I defended Pelosi, got tons of shit from more-progressive-than-thou tools. Couldn't care less. Pelosi is a fucking icon, one who just made it clear that Trump's wall is mere ego compensation for his little orange mushroomheaded chode. (Er, at least, that's my translation)

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

4 years

Sweet fucking Lucifer. European leaders are now outright refusing to meet with Mike Pompeo. No reason to jeopardize your health for a powerless, COVID-infested, Christofascist crook. Like a Nazi Fred Flintstone got hooked on crystal meth & somehow gained 150 pounds.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

1 year

Transgender related surgeries on minors are so goddamned rare in this country. Statistically insignificant. Pretty much every major hospital will refuse to perform one on a minor. There is no epidemic of Little Bubbas cutting their nuts off. Seriously, just SHUT THE FUCK UP.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

I love Elizabeth Warren and I don't give a good god damn who has a problem with that. Of all the candidates, you can't tell me she isn't right up at the top when it comes to having a steel spine and the willingness to follow through.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

3 years

Nobody fucking hates Melania because of her sex work. It's an ancient, honorable profession that serves a valuable societal role. Sex workers are goddamn heroes. We just despise Melania because of her immigration fraud, Birtherism, and inability to articulate an original thought.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

Sweet fucking Lucifer, gotta love Pelosi slamming the microwave door in Kellyanne Conway's face and commanding "return to the bloody bowels of hell from whence you came, sewer witch!" At least, that's my translation.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

6 years

Oh please, Nikki Haley isn't some fucking feminist icon. She's no embodiment of decency. You can't work for filth and then go around pretending that you don't have swamp ass. She's just as complicit in this madness as every other spineless sycophant in this administration"

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

Sweet fucking Lucifer. Jake Tapper hit Jim Jordan so hard his goddamn voice changed, emitting a higher pitch than Mike Pence after he put leeches on his cock in an effort to suck the sin away. Can't deflect when someone reminds ya that you stand accused of huffing teen ball sweat

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

4 years

I'm the only white dude on my block living in one of the poorest areas of North Carolina. Nobody has ever been anything other than kind to me here. You'd be lucky if the people of color in my neighborhood moved into your fucking suburb.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

6 years

Megachurches that involve themselves in politics should be taxed and I don't give a good god damn who that idea angers. A bunch of people gathering to talk to themselves in unison is hardly an adequate excuse for these blatantly political organizations to get a free ride.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

Elizabeth Warren isn’t my first choice (Kamala is) and I doubt she’ll win the nomination. That said, she is obviously qualified and I’d campaign like hell for her if she somehow pulls it off. The same goes for any Dem in 2020. It’s called being a fucking adult.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

Yep. Everyone loves Biden. Beto's whole "white Obama" angle sells. Still, ENOUGH WITH THE PRESIDENTIAL SAUSAGE PARTIES. Women have been at the forefront of marches, protests, & grabbing the alt-Reich by the mid-terms. As such, you're god damn right I'm supporting Kamala.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

I suppose we should all be thankful that Anne Coulter’s ovaries are about to hit retirement without having populated the world with any more Nazi Blair Witches or alt-Reich sewer Barbies. Granted, it’s entirely possible she’s given birth and simply devoured her young.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

4 years

Holy fucking shit. Saw CNN airing Biden's NC rally live and was surprised -- until I heard it. This is one of the most powerful orations this man has ever delivered. Something is different, more potent: it's like he's channeling the weight of the historical moment. Goddamn.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

This will spawn a shit storm in my mentions, but it must be said. If Bernie Sanders truly wants to see a progressive agenda, the best thing he can do is keep his fucking name off the 2020 ballot. If he runs, it illustrates he's willing to sacrifice the 99% at the altar of his ego

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

I’d vote for Al Franken in a fucking heartbeat. This guy still has a hell of a political career ahead of him and everyone knows it. We devour our own at the first hint of a fabricated scandal, which is why right wing cultists keep fucking stomping us into the ground. ENOUGH.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

4 years

Sweet fucking Lucifer. Ben Carson has nodded off more times in the last 20 minutes than I ever did during my 9 year stint as an opiate addict. In other news, Pence is making sure everyone knows that donating to churches is a top pandemic priority. What a sick fucking joke.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

3 years

Once, I entered community college as a junkie dropout with only a GED and a big mouth. Yet, the instructors I met there saw something in me and that changed my life. Now, after a decade and several advanced degrees, I’m teaching my first batch of students at that same college.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

I don't just wanna see Trump defeated. I want to see the worst fears of his base materialize. Empowered women with autonomy over their bodies, every race intermingling & fucking each other like crazy, churches getting obliterated by taxes while schools get showered in cash.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

3 years

Sweet fucking Lucifer. Jen Psaki just pimp smacked the shit out Peter Doocy and then circled back to tell him to make her a fucking sandwich.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

6 years

Holidays are always a mind fuck. Spent more than a few alone with a needle or bottle of pills. Never would have believed that I'd end up with a bright career, college degrees, and to my great amazement: an audience of people that enjoy reading my stuff. So yeah, I'm thankful.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

Right now, some homeless veteran is trying to avoid hypothermia. Senior citizens are forced to greet people at Walmart's doors or flip burgers alongside teenagers -- just to afford meds & heat. Kids will wake to hunger pains on Christmas. $5 BILLION ON A FUCKING WALL? Piss off.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

6 years

I don't give a good god damn if it takes me the next 40 years of my life: I WILL turn "Evangelical" into a dirty word. By all rhetorical means necessary. Sick and tired of these fascist fucks controlling language.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

6 years

God damn, some of you need to learn how to take a win. Yes, some charismatic people failed to get the job done. We didn't overcome the most GOP-friendly Senate map in a generation. However, our wave was so god damn powerful it rendered gerrymandering impotent. FUCKING SMILE.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

4 years

Sweet fucking Lucifer. Nunes is out there spinning faster than Pence on a phallic shaped bed post. Nervously grinning like he doesn't have the rat droppings Trump markets as Doral Caviar stuck in his teeth. This tool is guilty of more crimes than Jeanine Pirro's plastic surgeon.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

MAGA is a terrorist movement spreading via the active grooming of baby Hitlers, an army of INCELs finding refuge in the laps of Christian extremist leaders with hardons for hate. This strain of Christo-fascism cannot be reasoned with. You cannot "go high" with human sewage.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

6 years

Sweet fucking Lucifer. The alt-Reich sent Dennis the god damn Menace's cognitively impaired cousin up against Robert Mueller? I already knew Jacob Wohl was a joke, but this is orgasmic. His "company" has been shown to be about as legit as Melania's degree in architecture.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

3 years

You’re goddamn right I want to tax the shit out of churches. I like my preachers poor and my teachers well paid.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

I'd vote for Elizabeth Warren quicker than Stephen Miller reaching for a new skinsuit on a humid day. Is she my first choice? Absolutely not, but she sure as hell isn't my last. Should she secure the nomination, I will supply her with my time, my money, my voice, and my vote.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

3 years

Lou Dobbs is fired. Roger Stone is going back to jail. Mike Lindell rumored to have dissolved Mike Pence in a vat of acid. Trump sold Barron to Matt Gaetz. Dr. Birx is selling homemade Shingles cream on Etsy. And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

3 years

Sweet fucking Lucifer. I have COVID. The maskless hicks here gave me the goddamn skank fever. Lord, why has thou forsaken me? Has thy not kept thou's covenant with holy Hot Pocket? (I'm going to be okay I think. Everything hurts and I'm constantly tired, but no breathing issues).

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

6 years

I'm not a friendly liberal. I want a Democratic Party that is just as militant as the most vocal social conservatives. I want to see us grow a spine and stop apologizing for intelligence, to get our hands dirty and systematically utilize all legal means to disembowel the GOP.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

4 years

My favorite generation? Boomers, no question. I cater my content to pissed off aging hippies, and I couldn't be happier with my audience. Most importantly, Boomers actually fucking read. Without them, modern literature would solely consist of stories about horny vampires.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

Yeah, I'll say it. The Trump Administration just murdered a 7-year-old little girl for no other reason than the color of her skin. The latest example of a policy of self-destructive systematic sadism. If you support these bastards, SHUT THE FUCK UP about the "pro-life" nonsense.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

God damnit. It might be the sleep deprivation and chemical cocktail, but I’m really starting to dig Elizabeth Warren. Not saying I’m completely sold, but I have little doubt that even behind the political facade, there is genuine compassion and the strength to get shit done.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

Imagine being so mind-numbingly insecure that even after slithering into the presidency, you STILL start your day by shooting off tweets that read like Napoleon Dynamite's Tinder profile. Stable genius? Trump's mind-rot is one of the biggest security threats we've ever faced.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

4 years

My dad is a 65 year old janitor that works at a hospice. He cannot get a test due to being asymptomatic. Interesting how Rand Paul can get tested for a disease he treats as a joke despite also showing no symptoms. You can’t tell me this isn’t all kinds of fucked up.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

My promotion of Warren has rendered a few friendly faces rather sour. Look, god damnit: if they win the nomination, I’d vote for Biden, Beto, Buttigieg, Bernie, the Boogeyman, or motherfucking Beetlejuice. Warren just warms the heart of this misanthropic prick. Deal with it.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

4 years

Sweet fucking Lucifer. I can’t breathe. My asshole is tingling. My tits are oozing glitter. TRUMP’s SWEATSHOP PRINCESS CHEATED ON HIM WITH CHRISTOPHER STEELE. The dossier had “inside” information. As in, a British spy balls deep in your goddamn daughter. Oh god. BWHAHAHAHA.

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

4 years

Turning 33 in an hour. A bit surreal, as if I'm still here by some fluke. Not even sure I deserve it. Yet, another trip around the sun. It's been a long walk from the gutter to graduate degrees, from nihilism & a needle to reluctant self-acceptance & endless reasons to stay alive

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🔥Reverend Aiden

@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

Every time Elizabeth Warren devours the soul of a generic white prick channeling Reagan's diseased brain, my little black heart flutters harder than Jim Jordan cupping the balls of a young wrestler and telling him to cough.

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@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

God damn, people. Obviously, I'm voting for whoever wins the Dem nomination. Hell, I'd vote for Nixon's bloated corpse over Trump. Still, it's bullshit how candidates like Kamala are subjected to the most egregious "purity" tests, yet Biden and Beto get a pass. Utter idiocy.

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@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

I’ll tell you what, people. I’m starting to feel Elizabeth Warren like a double dose of ecstasy and Xanax. She may not get the nomination, but whoever does end up securing it would be wise to put her on the ticket.

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@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

Fuck Ronald Reagan. Whole legions of leeches have crawled out of the corpse of that idiot's administration. Sucking the lifeblood out of this republic for decades, making the Christo-fascist clusterfuck we're currently experiencing an inevitability. He's no god damn hero.

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@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

Just finished my final paper for higher education. Took my last exam yesterday. Grades so high it doesn’t even matter if I bombed the shit: I’m fucking graduating. Now, excuse me while I find a cloud and turn my god damn brain off for awhile. Tomorrow, I’m a full time author.

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@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

Pretty sure the judge just said he’d devour Michael Flynn’s soul, pass his putrid essence through a bloody bowel movement, and then wipe his ass with Sean Hannity’s toupee. At least, that’s my interpretation. I’m not a fucking lawyer.

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@SweetFnLucifer

6 years

Just wanted to give a big "fuck you" to Jeff Flake and Bob Corker. Two men that define bravery as condemning a Constitutional crisis while simultaneously enabling it. Silver tongues and the spines of a paraplegic.

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@SweetFnLucifer

3 years

Every time Jimmy Carter trends my heart fucking stops until I click it and find out it is just people appreciating his supernatural kindness.

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@SweetFnLucifer

6 years

The lack of a severe cyber response against Russia will go down as one of America's most humiliating geopolitical blunders. We have Silicon fucking Valley and you're telling me we can't crush an army of trolls turning tricks for vodka money? Bullshit. We're witnessing treason.

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@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

Well, paddle me pink & call me pretty. These cultists spent 8 years cranking out shitty YouTube documentaries portraying Obama as the Anti-Christ, but willingly smile and submit ass up as their bloated orange messiah calls himself "the King of Israel" and "Second Coming of God."

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@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

No secret that I was raised by rabid right wingers. In 2013, I was a lost drug addict that tweeted Kanye lyrics & had no concern with politics. A fool. It took overdosing & going to college for me to truly wake up. Knowledge and self reflection does that.

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@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

Well, I got a shitload of push-back from that pro-Franken tweet. Condemnation, unfollows, yadda yadda. All worth it. Even a remote amount of investigation into these allegations reveals how absurd it was to shank one of our greatest fighters. I'm fucking tired of eating our own.

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@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

I’ll admit it: I’m part of a vast liberal conspiracy. I want Planned Parenthoods on every corner, along with taco trucks to provide comfort food to those who go. I believe treatable illnesses shouldn’t be a death sentence. I want your kids to go to school without being murdered.

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@SweetFnLucifer

6 years

Fuck forgiveness. I want vengeance. Endless investigations and incarcerations of the alt-Reich. Planned Parenthoods on every corner. Tax the fuck out of megachurches. We're coming for those assault rifles too, Bubba. First step, taking back the god damn House.

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@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

Elizabeth Warren: you've stolen my god damn heart and I don't even think I want it back. Your genuineness, your innate compassion -- all backed up with a steel spine and an advanced cognitive capacity that makes those traits actually matter. With each word and action, I love you.

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@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

Henceforth, I'll see Marie Yovanovitch's beautiful face every time I look at the Statue of Liberty. An avatar of patriotic service in face of an onslaught of filth flung by a feckless fuck who feels his safe space is violated by a strong woman guided by the North Star of TRUTH.

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@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

Dear overpaid media assholes, a friendly reminder: you are under no obligation to grade Trump on a curve. Him simply managing to awkwardly read aloud without shitting himself and starting a race riot is not “presidential.” This behavior stops being impressive after 4th grade.

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@SweetFnLucifer

6 years

People say that I’m not positive enough. So, It’s time to change that. I’m positive Kushner is complicit in murder. I’m positive Melania’s a gold digging birther whose parents should be deported. I’m positive Trump’s adult children should rot away their youth in prison.

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@SweetFnLucifer

3 years

Well, this speech sure as shit beats getting told to chug bleach and shove a light-bulb up my asshole.

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@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

Apparently, the only requirement for a security clearance is being balls deep inside Ivanka. Hilarious to think that these assholes once pissed their tinfoil diapers over Hillary’s emails. It’s this lack of self-awareness and shame that makes Trump supporters so fucking revolting

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@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

I don't care if it's for a wall or that chain of steel slatted dildos now being promoted. Trump doesn't get a god damn penny for his wasteful, hateful wet dream. Kids are dying. Vets freezing in the cold. Infrastructure crumbling. And the GOP wants us to play nice? Fuck off.

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@SweetFnLucifer

6 years

I don't just want Trump arrested. I want America's favorite gold digger locked up. I want to see all of his adult demon spawn incarcerated. I want every god damn GOP lawmaker to face Lady Liberty's wrath for helping a senile reality star & a Russian tyrant grab her by the pussy.

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@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

Whether John Kelly stays matters about as much as a clean bill of health from Trump’s coked up doctor. Kelly has been no moderating influence. Just another tool who spent a lifetime building a reputation, only to then sacrifice it at the altar of Trump’s radioactive orange taint

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@SweetFnLucifer

17 days

Maggie Haberman is living, breathing, irrefutable fucking proof that the notion of a "liberal media bias" is the biggest piece of fake fucking news to ever be vomited out and regurgitated for mass consumption.

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@SweetFnLucifer

4 years

Good fucking golly. The "fuck your feelings" crowd that bombarded Obama's kids with degradation for 8 years are suddenly pissing their tinfoil panties because someone dare have the audacity to mention Barron's goddamn name. Newsflash: there are no fucking rules anymore.

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@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

Christ, I hate WASP culture. You know, the kind of carbon copy rich white fucks that inherit a fortune and then proceed to lecture everyone within earshot about "work ethic and personal accountability." The mindset that poverty, by its very nature, indicates a genetic defect.

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@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

Aww, little yellow snowflakes pissing their tinfoil panties because a strong woman used a naughty word. Hypocrisy is oxygen to these cultists: they can't function without it. Anger is infectious, and you're about to get devoured by a monster of your own creation. #ImpeachTheMF

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@SweetFnLucifer

3 years

I just can't fucking live in a red state anymore. I tried to hang on to help turn North Carolina blue, but I am officially burned out. Gonna end up eventually moving to NY to start a life with my dream girl. I'm done with the grotesque glorification of ignorance.

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@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

I know it’s trendy to use “boomer” as a pejorative, but I’m gonna pass. I’ve met way too many patriotic badasses that have been fighting fascist fuckery for decades. Boomers who make me look tame. I have more disdain for the pretentious purity tests popular with my generation

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@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

Jimmy Carter, the last evangelical to interpret his faith as a call to glorify his god by showering compassion on all those he crosses paths with. Benevolence over brutality. Empathy over exploitation. So overwhelmingly decent even an atheistic prick like me is forced to smile.

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@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

ENOUGH with treating the Steele Dossier as mere wild speculation or tabloid sensationalism. Detail after detail continues to be confirmed. I'll tell you one fucking thing: it's more credible than anything that's ever spewed out of those furry demonic jowls of Sarah Sanders

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@SweetFnLucifer

6 years

I’ve never been one to shy away from a scorched earth approach. But god damn, back the fuck off Nancy Pelosi. Let her breathe while she serves this TRANSITIONAL role as Speaker. As for now, we have battles that are far more salient.

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@SweetFnLucifer

3 years

Jen Psaki should never, EVER have to answer for any alleged misconduct carried out by Cuomo's cock. It doesn't have a goddamn thing to do with the administration. What in the fuck is wrong with you, Dana Bash?

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@SweetFnLucifer

6 years

Trumpkins, next time you’re at a Wal-Mart, meth lab, or your daughter’s strip club and find yourself low on cash, know your money is being used to offer the likes of Omarosa a better life than you’ll ever have. The idea of Lara Trump pissing away their cash gives me warm fuzzies

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@SweetFnLucifer

4 years

Yeah, yeah. Use my history of opiate addiction against me. I'm serious, feel free: I wouldn't put it out there if I was ashamed of it. Getting clean from that shit, working my way through grad school, and paying my bills via writing is something I always wake up proud of.

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@SweetFnLucifer

6 years

For fuck sake, the Green Party is like a kidney stone perpetually making the progressive movement piss blood. Insane that its Kremlin connections are being utterly ignored. Wouldn't be surprised if Jill Stein and Rand Paul ended up banging some drunken night in Moscow. Two frauds

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@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

I’m over this whole Biden vs Harris cage match. Forced, awkward, and fucking ugly to watch. Makes them both look awful. Stop dancing for CNN and aim your fire at the sadists infecting this country with swamp ass and skank fever.

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@SweetFnLucifer

5 years

I guess I’m an asshole. I just can’t get excited about Beto. He’d get my vote in the general, sure. But you know, I’m just not sold on the premise that America won’t elect a woman of color. Truth be told, I’m counting on Kamala to take Beto and Biden to the woodshed.

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@SweetFnLucifer

4 years

Inspired by the Surgeon General, I want to plead with my fellow rural whites to put the meth down. Do it for your daughter-wives. Do it for your aunt-mothers. Do it for uncle Al and all the farm animals he calls lovers. We’re all in this together.

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@SweetFnLucifer

3 years

I'm a relatively science-friendly reverend. But Ann Coulter and Kelly Loeffler are proof that creating human/horse hybrids was never a good idea. Sometimes science just takes things too far. Jesus weeps.

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@SweetFnLucifer

6 years

Melania isn't fit to clean Michelle Obama's toilet, let alone be placed on her level. Melania's only accomplish is having an iron stomach capable of withstanding the visual of Trump's nude, decrepit body. Last I checked, greatness requires more than the capacity to fake orgasms.

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@SweetFnLucifer

4 years

Voicemail from my mother: "Hi sweetheart. Just wanted to say that we love you so much and are glad you are keeping safe. Also, I just read your tweeter and I'm begging you to stop taunting the lord. You are headed straight to the pits of hell boy, so wash your hands. Love ya."

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