RC deWinter @RCdeWinter Twitter profile

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

1 year

A sixth grade teacher in FloriDUH asked her class how many were Trump fans. Despite them not knowing what a Trump fan was but wanting to be liked by the teacher, they all raised their hands. Well, all except for little Timmy. The teacher looked over to little Timmy and asked,…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

1 year

Putin wanted to know if Zelenskyy was still alive. Zelenskyy himself decided to send Putin a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Putin opened the letter which appeared to contain a single line of coded message. 370HSSV-0773H Putin was…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

1 year

Donald Trump was in Berlin for his first state visit with Angela Merkel. Trump asked her secret of her great success. Merkel told him you just have to have a lot of intelligent people around you. "How do you know if someone is intelligent?" asked Trump. "Let me demonstrate."…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

11 months

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now enjoy it as well. Bonus Question: Is Hell…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

11 months

There is never a reason to fly a #Nazi flag in this country or anywhere. It’s anti-everything we should be. It’s sick. It’s a slap in the face to all those who died defending democracy during World War II. If you think this is OK, emigrate your sick, twisted self to a country…

Dr. Ruth Westheimer

@AskDrRuth

11 months

My entire family was wiped out by the Nazis. This is deeply disturbing to see such flags flying here in the United States.

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

9 months

This is going to be a long tweet, and it’s not new news, but it’s new news to me, and I think it’s especially important for everyone, and especially those of you who support the now indicted @realDonaldTrump to become acquainted with the class of people who worked for and…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

10 months

Barack Obama and Donald Trump inadvertently ended up getting a shave at the same barber shop at the same time. The barbers, wondering if things might get nasty, were nervous. Trump’s barber was almost done and was getting ready to use an after-shave as a final touch. Donald was…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

8 months

A young boy went to his father and asked, "Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?" His father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

1 year

Five surgeons were discussing which were the best patients on which to operate. The first surgeon said, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up everything inside is numbered." The second surgeon responded, "You should try electricians!…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

11 months

A grammar book walks into a bar * An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars. * A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

6 years

You should build the wall out of Hillary's emails, since no one can get over them.

Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump

6 years

Thank you to the great Republican Senators who showed up to our mtg on immigration reform. We must BUILD THE WALL, stop illegal immigration, end chain migration & cancel the visa lottery. The current system is unsafe & unfair to the great people of our country - time for change!

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

1 year

Uh, yeah @GovRonDeSantis @GOP

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

1 year

When Trump was still infesting the White House, he looked out on the snow covered lawn and saw someone had pissed “Trump Sucks” in the fresh snow. Furious, he demanded that the Secret Service investigate. A few days later, the head of the Secret Service said, “Mr. President, I’ve…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

10 months

A woman heard a noise late at night, looked out the window and saw someone in her shed. She called the police and reported a prowler. The dispatcher told her they would send an officer to investigate. Twenty minutes later the police hadn’t shown up and the man was now…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

1 year

And now, the joke that started it all… because no matter how many times you read it, it’s still f’ing funny. Five surgeons were discussing which were the best patients on which to operate. The first surgeon said, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

4 months

Those of you have known me for a while might remember today would’ve been my son‘s 36th birthday, and that’s why no jokes last night. This is the time I reserve to remember everything about him…the brilliant, the beautiful, the contradictions, his completely unprejudiced but…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

9 months

Putin was sitting in his office when his telephone rang. "Hallo, Mr. Putin!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on ya!" Well, Paddy," Putin replied, "This…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

11 months

And the one that started it all… Five surgeons were discussing which were the best patients on which to operate. The first surgeon said, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up everything inside is numbered." The second surgeon…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

9 months

Donald Trump went on a fact-finding visit to Israel. While he was on a tour of Jerusalem he suffers a heart attack and keeled over...pffffffffffft After all the hubbub at the hospital died down the carcass is removed to a funeral parlor. The undertaker told the diplomats…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

8 months

@RobertMorgan55 I have a joke about that. Two friends were chilling in the park during their lunch hour. One of them was doing a crossword puzzle is doing the crossword puzzle in the daily paper. Man 1: How do you spell buffoon? Man 2: Do you want the British or American spelling? Man 1:…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

9 months

While crossing the street a GOP senator (take your pick) was hit by a car and died. His soul arrived in Heaven and was met by St. Peter at the entrance. "Welcome to Heaven,”said St. Peter. "It seems there’s a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, so we're…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

9 months

How to give your cat a pill 1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

7 months

Putin and Biden were wrapping up a discussion. Putin: “You know, Joe. I had this dream few days ago" Biden: "Oh? Tell me about it.” Putin: "I saw America in flames. A nuclear warhead crater where Capitol used to be. New York leveled. Los Angeles covered in human ash. It was…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

1 year

On Friday, an elementary school teacher set a challenge. "If you can tell me who said the following quote, you don't have to come to school on Monday: “We have nothing to fear but fear itself.” A hand shot up and little Billy Tran said, "Franklin Delano Roosevelt". "Correct,…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

8 months

God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

4 years

The Nuremberg Defense. Didn't work then. Won't work when we get to the bottom of the mess we're in, either.

Steve Silberman

@stevesilberman

5 years

“I thought I was doing the right thing. Now, of course, I see it was unnecessary and wrong... But I didn’t personally murder anybody. I was just the director of the extermination program at Auschwitz. It was Hitler who ordered it." - Rudolf Höss to a US Army psychiatrist, 1945

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

4 months

Home #Covid Test 1. Pour a large glass of red wine and try to smell it. 2. If you can smell the wine then drink it & see if you can taste it. 3. If you can taste & smell it confirms you don't have Covid. Last night, I did the test 19 times and all were negative, thank God.…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

8 years

I'm writing my autobiography one poem at a time. ~ RC deWinter

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@RCdeWinter

1 year

When a woman began having labor pains, she and her husband went to the hospital to have the baby delivered. The doctor told them he had invented a new machine that would automatically transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father and asked if the husband was…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

11 months

A California ranch that was once owned by Ronald Reagan was being threatened by a wildfire. Firefighters attempted to save it by pouring water on a nearby hill and hoping it would trickle down.

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

11 months

Donald Trump was visiting a grade school. In one class he was talking about the word ‘tragedy'. Then he asked them to use it in a sentence. One brave girl raised her hand and said aid, "If a school bus carrying 20 people drove off of a cliff and everyone in it died that…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

6 years

@realDonaldTrump Horse manure. Legal experts explained it wasn’t an approval, but rather a determination that current law didn’t allow for its regulation. So please, stop the #lies about the last #real president we had,

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

6 months

When Trump was in Berlin for his first state visit with Angela Merkel he asked the secret of her great success. Merkel told him you have to have intelligent people around you. "How do you know if someone is intelligent?" asked Trump. "Let me demonstrate." She picked up the…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

9 months

Bill Gates died and met God, and God said, "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this one. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or to Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

2 months

While stitching a cut on the hand of an elderly farmer, the doctor struck up a conversation. Eventually the topic got around to Donald Trump. The old farmer said, " Well, as I see it, Donald Trump is a post tortoise.” Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

6 years

@realDonaldTrump Again I ask, @realDonaldTrump , are you and Ivanka planning to bring #jobs to America by having the merchandise you hawk #MADEinUSA instead of in #foreign #sweatshops ? Because if not, then your rhetoric is empty, the #Hypocrisy of words on the wind.

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

8 months

Remembering Jimmy Buffett I will share with you my Jimmy Buffett story. I’ve always had a special place for him in my heart because of this. Just as an aside, I also knew Captain Phil and his girlfriend, and Phil was the man about whom Jimmy Buffett wrote the song “A Pirate…

Jimmy Buffett

@jimmybuffett

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

11 months

And now, I’ll say good night/good morning with this, one of my favorite tales, not sure why it’s found under jokes, because I think it’s a beautiful lesson. I’ll see you good people next time. A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

10 months

After many years of not going to church an elderly woman decided to go to her local service. Although very poor with worn-out clothing she dressed in her best and headed out. As she approached the church she saw all the people dressed in splendid finery. Not a stain, a rip or…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

2 months

Come on, people, pass it along. Make it viral.

Jon Cooper

@joncoopertweets

3 months

🚨BREAKING: The Biden campaign just released this powerful ad attacking Trump for his un-American comments inviting Russia to invade our NATO allies, which would draw the U.S. into a war in Europe. Retweet to make sure every American sees this! 👀

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@RCdeWinter

9 months

An engineer died and was accidentally sent to hell instead of heaven. He got to work and fixed the A/C and things cooled down quickly. The moving walkway motor was jammed so he unjammed it. The TV was grainy and unclear. He repaired the connection to the satellite dish and…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

1 year

A gray-haired Army general walked into a hotel bar and sat down next to a young attractive woman. They hit it off, and she liked a man in uniform, so she said, “Why don’t you come up to my room?” The general replied, “I’m flattered, but at my age I’m not sure if things would…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

5 months

When Trump was still infesting the White House one of his aides said to him,”I dreamt you got your parade. It was miles long winding through Washington DC. People lined the route, literally in the millions, and they were laughing, cheering and dancing in the street as you rode in…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

1 year

A reporter asked Donald Trump, “What is 2 + 2?” “I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question,” Trump said. “No, really. A lot of people come up to me and they ask me. They say, 'Sir!, What's 2+2?' And I tell them look, we know what 2+2 is. We've had almost eight…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

1 year

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight toward him and she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted, out.…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

11 months

Devil: This is the lake of lava you’ll be spending eternity in. Me: Actually, since we’re underground, it would be magma. And you ended the sentence with a preposition. You should’ve said “This is the lake of lava in which you will be spending eternity.” Devil: You do…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

9 months

Donald Trump was on a golf course near St. Andrews, Scotland and was about to dip his hand in a lake to take a drink of water when the groundskeeper yelled “Oy! Dinna peut ya haand en a loch! It’s feeeled wi coo piss n coo shite!” “Hey!” yelled Trump. "I just bought this golf…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

8 months

@trevorspoke My pleasure and you’re welcome. I’ve posted it before and I’ll post it again because every time I do new people see it and it brightens their evenings.

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@RCdeWinter

9 months

It got crowded in heaven, so for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died.” The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

10 months

My best advice to anyone who wants to raise a happy, mentally healthy child is: Keep him or her as far away from a church as you can. ~ Frank Zappa

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@RCdeWinter

10 months

Are you as moral as you think you are? This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

11 months

@CalltoActivism @Wlo_oWl TY for this marvelous mini bio that told me so much I never knew. We need many more people like this in the world. People who care, who are thoughtful and generous enough to make a positive difference. Thank you, @DollyParton for your contribution to the wellbeing of so many.

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

9 months

Sam died and left $50,000 in his will for an elaborate funeral. As the last attenders left, Sam's wife, Rose, turned to her oldest friend, Sadie, and said: "Well, I'm sure Sam would be pleased." "I'm sure you're right" replied Sadie, who leaned in close and lowered her voice to…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

10 months

A sixth grade teacher in Florida asked her class how many were Trump supporters. Despite them not knowing what a Trump supporter was but wanting to be liked by the teacher, they all raised their hands. Well, all except for little Mikey. The teacher looked over to little Mikey…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

2 months

A rancher was overseeing his herd in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW drove out of a dust cloud toward him. The driver, a man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the rancher, "If I tell you exactly how many…

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@RCdeWinter

1 year

Trump passed away and arrived in Hell. He was welcomed by Satan, who told him he had 3 options and he must pick one of 3 rooms and stay there for eternity. The devil opened the first room, where George Bush Sr. was pushing a rock up a big hill. Once he was at the top of the…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

10 months

In Manhattan, a beautiful young woman waiting for a bus was wearing a tight miniskirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on she realized her skirt was too tight to allow her to reach up to the height of the first step onto the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

5 months

My to do list for the new year 1. Make vanilla pudding. Put in mayo jar. Eat in public. 2. Hire two private investigators. Get them to follow each other. 3. Wear shirt that says "Life." Hand out lemons on street corner. 4. Get into a crowded elevator and say "I bet you're…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

3 years

Today is particularly tough for me. My son Eben would have been 33 today. The world is a poorer place without him. If you’ve lost a child you know the deep, neverending pain of that loss. Sending a hug to you.

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

4 months

another great gone Tom Smothers, half of comedic duo the Smothers Brothers, dies at 86 “Tom was not only the loving older brother that everyone would want in their life, he was a one-of-a-kind creative partner. I am forever grateful to have spent a lifetime together with him,…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

1 year

@GOP I sincerely hope you’re not comparing today’s @GOP to those flawed but well-meaning giants because you are neither giants nor well-meaning. Today’s GOP is a collection of poisonous dwarves with a toxic agenda as unAmerican as any foreign enemy.

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

10 months

Someone threw a beer at Trump at the Indianapolis NRA convention. He's fine. It was a draft, so he dodged it perfectly.

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@RCdeWinter

8 months

@GeorgeTakei @roadrunner1941 Sick of corrupt government? Here's your to-do list: #EndCitizensUnited Abolish the #ElectoralCollege #TermLimits for #Congress Limit #CampaignSpending #TermLimits for #SCOTUS That would fix most of of it. Wish list: Abolish #Lobbying

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@RCdeWinter

5 years

@realDonaldTrump you bet

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@RCdeWinter

11 days

@JamesTate121 If only the legal system would treat him this way, factually in the face of the law instead of the do-si-do carnival. of BS that’s playing out. Trump should’ve been removed from office after January 6 and all the latest legal mumbo-jumbo is the fallout of inaction.

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@RCdeWinter

10 months

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making…

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@RCdeWinter

7 months

These were supposedly posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are supposedly the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humor (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for stupid questions). Q: Does it ever get rainy in…

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@RCdeWinter

4 years

@fred_guttenberg No apology needed. Bad men need nothing more to compass their ends, than that good men should look on and do nothing. ~ John Stuart Mill, 1867

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@RCdeWinter

10 months

A man was waiting in line at the supermarket when an attractive woman walked up to him and said, "Hi there, I think you're the father of one of my kids.” The man winced and asked, “Are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I screwed on the pool table with all my buddies…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

10 months

Do. Not. Laugh.

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

9 months

Moving to Canada. August 12 We moved into our new house in Canada. I'm so excited. It's so nice. The mountains are beautiful. I cannot wait to see them covered with the snow. October 14 Canada. It is the most beautiful country in the world. Leaves turned all colors and shades…

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@RCdeWinter

3 months

Thank to all the kind folks who have been wishing me a happy birthday. I really appreciate the kindness. But this is one of my more difficult days always, because my only child, my son Eben, died on my birthday in 2007, and the world is a poorer place without him. He was a…

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@RCdeWinter

6 months

I almost never directly ask for an infusion of good energy but today I could really use some. I feel like I’m looking at a brick wall.

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@RCdeWinter

5 months

Putin and Biden were wrapping up a discussion. Putin: “You know, Joe. I had this dream few days ago" Biden: "Oh? Tell me about it.” Putin: "I saw America in flames. A nuclear warhead crater where Capitol used to be. New York leveled. Los Angeles covered in human ash. It was…

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@RCdeWinter

8 months

One afternoon Pinocchio, Snow White and Superman were out for a little stroll around town. As they walked, they saw a sign in a club window: “Beauty contest - The most beautiful woman in the world." "I’m entering!" said Snow White. After half an hour she came out smiling and…

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@RCdeWinter

1 year

After Dan retired, his wife insisted he accompany her on her trips to the local all-in-one superstore. Unfortunately, like most men, he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate his wife was like many women - she loved to browse but after a…

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@RCdeWinter

6 years

I'll just leave this here...

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@RCdeWinter

8 months

Donald Trump was in Berlin for his first state visit with Angela Merkel. Trump asked her secret of her great success. Merkel told him you just have to have a lot of intelligent people around you. "How do you know if someone is intelligent?" asked Trump. "Let me demonstrate."…

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@RCdeWinter

3 months

I miss her. Can you imagine how she could deconstruct Trump with her brilliant insight and wit?

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@RCdeWinter

11 months

Newsflash, gentlemen

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@RCdeWinter

1 year

A father and son went hunting together for the first time. The father said "Stay here and be very QUIET. I’ll be across the field." A few minutes later, the father heard a blood curdling scream and ran back to his son. “What’s wrong?" the father asked. “I told you to be quiet."…

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@RCdeWinter

8 months

On the night after his inauguration Donald Trump was visited by 3 ghosts. Shortly after Trump hauled his lardass off to bed and was lying there snoring FDR appeared. Trump asked him,”How can I make America great again?" FDR replied, "Think only of the people; do not make laws…

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@RCdeWinter

10 months

A grammar book walks into a bar * An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars. * A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes…

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@RCdeWinter

2 years

Diet Coke: Making people feel better about ordering two Big Macs and a large fry since 1982.

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@RCdeWinter

1 year

Take a lesson, #Magats

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@RCdeWinter

11 months

On day six of the Creation, God announced to his archangels, “Today we're creating a place called Canada. Pull out all the stops. Give it beautiful mountains, lakes, plains, forests, and sandy beaches. Underground give it oil, gold, etc. Oh, and plenty of fish and wildlife.”…

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@RCdeWinter

9 months

I needed to do laundry but then realized I was out of detergent, so I went to write a shopping list and realized how unorganized the junk drawer was and started checking pens for ink. When I went to toss all the junk, I noticed the trash was full but before I took it out I…

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@RCdeWinter

8 months

A man died, went to Heaven and met Jesus. While Jesus was showing him round, the man spotted a broken clock. “What’s that, then?” he asked. Jesus said, “That’s Mother Teresa’s clock – it has never moved because she has never lied.” “Just over here is Abraham Lincoln’s…

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@RCdeWinter

9 months

Reporters asked a 100-year-old man and his 98 year old wife for their health secrets. The old man said: “I'll tell you my secret. When we got married I told my wife whenever we quarreled the loser had to walk 3 miles. So I've been walking 3 miles every day for the past 75…

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@RCdeWinter

4 months

A man received the following text from his neighbor: block quote "I am so sorry Bob. I'm riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife for many weeks now. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I hope you will accept my sincerest apology…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

9 months

Former Judge Tim Nolan sentenced to 20 years. 'You ... made me lose hope' one victim tells him.

The case has grown weirder since Nolan pleaded guilty to human trafficking in Febrary

www.cincinnati.com

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

10 months

Well, that settles that question.

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

1 year

One night a man and a woman were at a bar knocking back a few beers. They started talking and come find out they’re both doctors. After about an hour, the man said, “Hey, how about we sleep together tonight. No strings attached. It'll just be one night of fun." The woman…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

1 year

Somebody here just cracked a joke to me about the pressure of fame. But here’s a true story. My first professional career was music, singer songwriter. I worked alone and I worked with bands. I lived in Woodstock in the early 70s and knew everybody. That’s what I figured out the…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

1 year

I know who this is. Do you?

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

4 months

Barack Obama and Donald Trump inadvertently ended up getting a shave at the same barber shop at the same time. The barbers, wondering if things might get nasty, were nervous. Trump’s barber was almost done and was getting ready to use an after-shave as a final touch. Donald…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

11 months

Three men were standing at the gate to Heaven. God came to the first man and asked him how many times he cheated on his wife. The man said, “Never would I cheat on my wife. I loved her very much.” God looked at him for a second and said,”You can’t fool me, I’m God! You’ve…

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RC deWinter

@RCdeWinter

8 months

My neighbor Judy’s husband got stung by a bee on the forehead. He’s at the ER now, his face all swollen and bruised; he almost died. Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel.

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