NotKennyRogers @NotKennyRogers Twitter profile

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NotKennyRogers

2 months

BREAKING: Joe Biden has submitted his NCAA March Madness bracket with a Final Four of Kentucky, Mexico, North Egypt State, and the Hamburglar.

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

2 years

"To be honest, even I was a little creeped out by Biden's speech." - Satan

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@NotKennyRogers

10 months

Arresting people for saying our elections are rigged seems like a horrible way to convince people our elections aren't rigged.

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@NotKennyRogers

3 years

If you say Awomen after Amen, you're Amoron.

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@NotKennyRogers

7 years

Katy Perry commenting on the recent terror attack: "No barriers, no borders, we all need to coexist." Here's the front of her mansion:

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

1 month

The guy on the left has been arrested 8 times so far in 2024 for selling drugs, possessing guns, domestic violence, and grand theft. He's currently free on bail. The woman on the right sold Ashley Biden's shower diary. She's was just sentenced to a month in prison.

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

2 months

Tomorrow night, a man who was recently found mentally unfit to stand trial will be giving a speech to let everyone know the current state of our Union. That's where we're at.

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

4 years

And somewhere in the darkness The gambler he broke even But in his final words I found an ace that I could keep You gotta know when to hold 'em Know when to fold 'em... RIP Kenny

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

4 months

Pat McAfee announcing yesterday that Aaron Rodgers would no longer be appearing on his show and then the Jimmy Kimmel nerds spending all day celebrating and then Pat McAfee having Aaron Rodgers back on his show today is one of the better trolls I've seen in the last few years.

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

6 years

With North Carolina, Virginia, and Michigan State now out of the NCAA tournament, I think it's really important for the entire country to put aside our differences for the next couple of weeks and join together in rooting against Duke.

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

2 years

Happy Liz Cheney Gets Fired Eve.

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

7 years

From 1862 until his surrender in 1865, ESPN college football announcer Robert Lee commanded the Confederate Army of Northern Virginia.

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

1 year

Just to be clear... Don Lemon got fired because nobody watched him. Tucker Carlson got fired because everybody watched him.

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

8 years

I see Twitter is trying to promote a "Not My President" hashtag. Let me see if I can help: I'm so happy Hillary Clinton is #NotMyPresident .

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

6 years

In the last 24 hours, Hillary Clinton applauded an 11-year-old girl for kneeling during the Pledge of Allegiance, Andrew Cuomo stated "America was never great to begin with," and a grown man in a dress won the DNC nomination for governor of Vermont. Please vote on November 6th.

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

6 years

The fact a radical Muslim extremist getting arrested in New Mexico for training a group of malnourished children how to become school shooters wasn't the top story of the week pretty much explains why over the half the country no longer trusts the media.

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

6 years

Going to IHOP for burgers is kind of like going to a Florida Georgia Line concert for country music.

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

4 years

Eva Longoria kicked off the Democratic National Convention by saying the past 4 years have left us "diminished and divided." Here's a picture of Eva Longoria's $15 million mansion in Beverly Hills with armed security and a giant wall around it:

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

7 years

I'll go ahead and root for Houston. #WorldSeries

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

1 month

If you're not rooting for this guy to win the NIT tonight, I have to assume you hate America.

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@NotKennyRogers

6 years

I know our society tends to idolize Hollywood celebrities, but these firefighters battling flames all across Los Angeles right now are actual heroes. Thank you!

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@NotKennyRogers

5 months

34 years ago today, a food chemist from Illinois named Clark Wilhelm Griswold put down $7,500 for an inground swimming pool.

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@NotKennyRogers

7 years

Here's the row of limousines outside the #Emmys right now ordered by celebrities who will be warning us about global warming tonight:

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

6 years

#IfIWonABillionDollars - Chick-fil-A open this Sunday - Van Halen back together by Monday - "The Office" back in production by Tuesday - Twitter EDIT button by Wednesday - Florida Georgia Line in prison by Thursday - Everyone gets Friday off

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

2 years

BREAKING: The FBI raided Luke Bryan's house this morning looking for country music. They found nothing.

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

6 years

"Let's Go Patriots!!!" - Kim Jong-un, Iran, Florida Georgia Line, people who eat Tide PODS, Lord Voldemort, King Joffrey, Nancy Pelosi, MSNBC, guys who watch "The Bachelor," Seth Meyers, gout, Cobra Kai, Ivan Drago, Rosie O'Donnell, Duke basketball fans, Luke Bryan, Satan, and OJ

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

1 month

43 years ago today, President Reagan was shot. I was a little kid in Indiana at the time and this news troubled me greatly, so I quickly made a "get well soon" card, grabbed some jellybeans from our kitchen, and asked my mom to send them off to the White House. He wrote back:

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

4 months

If you start the movie "Hoosiers" at 10:07 p.m. and 48 seconds tonight, you'll ring in the New Year just as Jimmy Chitwood hits the final shot. No need to thank me.

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

5 years

In the 18 years since 9/11, I think one of the biggest failures of our society is how we've managed to water down what it truly means to be brave. Just so we're all clear, walking UP those steps of the World Trade Center on that horrible day is exactly what it means to be brave.

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

7 years

Stop listening to people who say we all hate each other.

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@NotKennyRogers

4 years

On Thursday, Richard Sherman said he doubts he'd attend a Super Bowl ceremony at the White House. He was correct.

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

2 months

Just so we're all clear, the old man yelling on your TV right now was recently found to be mentally unfit to stand trial for corruption.

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

2 months

They call the guy on the left a "newcomer" and the guy on the right "the greatest threat to our country since the Civil War." Please be more pissed off.

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

5 years

38 years ago today, President Reagan was shot. I was a young boy at the time and this news troubled me greatly, so I quickly wrote a "get well" letter, grabbed a handful of jellybeans from our kitchen, and asked my mom to send it off to the White House. He wrote back:

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

6 years

Hey Nike...I fixed it for you.

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

5 years

7 TIPS FOR A BETTER 2019: 1. Stop talking politics 24/7 2. Don't be offended by everything 3. Delete Facebook from your phone 4. Go to church every week 5. Call your local country radio station and tell them to stop playing crap 6. Care less about reality TV stars 7. Pray often

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

6 years

"Welcome to Chick-fil-A. How may I serve you?" "It's me." "$9.26. Please pull forward."

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

5 months

34 years ago today, the most important film ever made was released in theaters.

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

8 years

Turns out jobs were more important to Ohio than Jay Z and Beyonce.

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

24 days

The woman on the left admitted to fatally smothering her 2-month old baby while high on meth. She was just found Not Guilty and set free. The woman on the right prayed inside the Capitol for ten minutes on January 6th. She was just found Guilty and faces one year in prison.

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

6 years

Hollywood: "We must take these sexual misconduct claims seriously!" Also Hollywood: "Tune into the new season of "The Bachelor" starting Jan. 1st at 8 p.m. where one guy gets to try out 20 women like used automobiles!"

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

6 years

This morning in church, I said a special prayer for every dad out there whose daughter will be coming home from college this Thanksgiving with her new vegetarian boyfriend named Garrett.

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

6 years

37 years ago today, President Reagan was shot. I was a young kid growing up in Indiana at the time and decided to send him a "get well soon" note along with a handful of jellybeans I grabbed from our kitchen. 48 days later, this letter arrived in the mail:

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

3 months

Same person who was asking people to chip in last month to help send her son to a little league baseball tournament:

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

6 years

But to be clear...you will still be using armed security to violently drag passengers off your flights, right?

United Airlines

@united

6 years

United is notifying the NRA that we will no longer offer a discounted rate to their annual meeting and we are asking that the NRA remove our information from their website.

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

5 years

I'd like to send out a special prayer to every dad out there whose daughter will be coming home from college for Thanksgiving this week with her new vegetarian socialist boyfriend named Garrett.

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

1 year

33 years ago today, a food chemist from Illinois named Clark Wilhelm Griswold put down $7,500 for an inground swimming pool while waiting for his Christmas bonus to show up from work. #NeverForget

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

2 years

Here's a picture of Bill Clinton being sent out as a last ditch effort to save Democrats in the midterm elections. Oops...that's actually a picture of Clinton with Ghislaine Maxwell boarding one of his 26 flights to Jeffrey Epstein's island full of underage sex slaves. My bad.

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

5 years

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Bernie Sanders just filled out their #NCAATournament brackets and they have all 68 teams going to the Final Four.

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

6 years

The average U.S. soldier makes $33,000/year. The average State Trooper makes $60,000/year. Colin Kaepernick has made over $50 million since 2011. Dear Nike...just shove it.

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

4 years

The University of Southern California reportedly passed on LSU head coach Ed Orgeron because they didn't like his accent. How does one say "You guys just lost the San Diego County Credit Union Holiday Bowl 49-24 to Iowa" in Cajun?

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

19 days

On October 1st, 2019, Hillary Clinton and her daughter went on the view and called Trump an "illegitimate president" because Russia rigged the election. The cast nodded in agreement and the crowd applauded. When do we put all of these hags on trial?

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

4 years

30 years ago tonight, a food chemist from Illinois named Clark Wilhelm Griswold put down $7,500 for an inground swimming pool while waiting for his Christmas bonus to show up from work. #NeverForget

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

7 years

Your sign has a wooden handle.

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@NotKennyRogers

5 years

It's simply horrific that half the room at the #SOTU2019 refused to applaud the idea of not killing children.

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@NotKennyRogers

6 years

156 years ago today, three brave Americans defeated El Guapo at the Battle of Santa Poco to give Mexico its independence. #CincoDeMayo

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

4 years

The greatest "drop the mic" moment in the history of the world. Happy Easter, everybody. He is risen indeed!

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

4 years

Coronavirus deaths in the U.S.: April 6th - 1,212 May 6th - 2,701 June 6th - 725 July 6th - 244 It appears some people are getting angry that I keep posting this factual and easy to find data. Odd.

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

8 years

Bernie Sanders just handed in his NCAA tournament bracket and he has all 68 teams making the Final Four.

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@NotKennyRogers

7 years

155 years ago today, three brave Americans defeated El Guapo at the Battle of Santa Poco to give Mexico its independence. #CincoDeMayo

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@NotKennyRogers

2 months

Remember in 2021 when Jimmy Kimmel said unvaccinated American who take Ivermectin should be left to die if they get sick but then it turned out the vaccines didn't work and this week the FDA was forced to remove all posts about Ivermectin because it actually did work? Hilarious.

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

4 years

10 TIPS FOR 2020 1. Stop tweeting politics 24/7 2. Don't be offended by everything 3. Delete Facebook from your phone 4. Go to church 5. Care less about reality TV stars 6. Care more about stopping bro country 7. Fewer selfies 8. Read books 9. Hang out with family 10. Pray often

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

6 years

The Academy Awards...where celebrities who took private jets and limos to an event surrounded by armed security where only the top .0001% are allowed in will preach to the rest of us about global warming, immigration, and gun control. #Oscars90

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

2 years

I just made my own vaccination card to show people who yell at me for not wearing a mask in Los Angeles:

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

6 years

If your boyfriend is watching "The Bachelor" instead of Alabama vs. Clemson right now...I'm pretty sure you can do better.

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@NotKennyRogers

7 years

If you're more angry at Peyton Manning for playing golf with Pres. Trump than you are at terrorists for killing people...you're the problem.

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

4 months

I'm starting a GoFundMe to stop Alyssa Milano's kid's baseball team from going to the Little League World Series.

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@NotKennyRogers

5 years

157 years ago today, three brave Americans defeated El Guapo at the Battle of Santa Poco to give Mexico its independence. Happy #CincoDeMayo

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

5 years

51% of college students support socialism, United Airlines now offers non-binary gender booking, and Jussie Smollett was just nominated for an NAACP Image Award. The whole idea of April Fools' Day seems kind of pointless.

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

6 years

Few things sum up 2017 quite like a bunch of painfully annoying rich kids tweeting about a tax bill they know nothing about from a $799 iPhone given to them by their parents.

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@NotKennyRogers

5 years

Although officially an atheist country, China is now home to an estimated 100 million Christians. There is simply nothing more powerful on earth than the Word of God.

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@NotKennyRogers

7 years

33 years ago tonight, Daniel Larusso was brutally attacked by a gang of bullies. If we fail to learn history...legs get swept. #NeverForget

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

6 years

33 human beings shot so far in Chicago over Memorial Day Weekend. No media coverage, no walkouts planned, no screams for Rahm Emanuel to "do something." Makes me think the Left's outrage over gun violence has very little to do with gun violence.

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

6 years

The fact we now have to warn people not to eat Tide PODS pretty much explains why Kim Kardashian has over 58 million followers on Twitter.

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@NotKennyRogers

2 years

BREAKING: Detroit Lions join the Big 10.

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@NotKennyRogers

5 years

Thank God for toxic masculinity.

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@NotKennyRogers

7 years

Hey @united ...why are you charging $1,732.00 for people trying to leave Miami now when it's only $288 after the hurricane hits?

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@NotKennyRogers

6 years

Chris Stapleton's wife just gave birth to twins and they can already name more Merle Haggard songs than Florida Georgia Line. #ACMawards

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

5 years

Never trust anyone who doesn't quote "Christmas Vacation" at least 10 times over the next 8 weeks.

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@NotKennyRogers

1 year

Just so we're all on the same page:

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@NotKennyRogers

4 years

1775: "Give me liberty or give me death." 1858: "A house divided against itself cannot stand." 1963: "I have a dream..." 2019: #WeVapeWeVote Ugh.

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

3 months

The Obamas have a 6,892 square foot house sitting on 29.3 secluded acres valued at $11.9 million. Currently housing zero illegal immigrants.

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

6 years

Merry Christmas to everyone except for Kim Jong-un, Meryl Streep, Iran, Luke Bryan, people who complain about having lower taxes, ISIS, Florida Georgia Line, MSNBC, CNN, Matt Lauer, Rosie O’Donnell, Duke basketball fans, gnats, rashes, gout, Woody Allen, Macklemore, Satan, and OJ

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

1 month

I would sincerely hope that the President of the United States declaring Easter Sunday as a "Transgender Day of Visibility" would be the last straw for any Christians out there still holding onto the notion we shouldn't vote for the GOP nominee because of some mean tweets.

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@NotKennyRogers

4 years

Governor Cuomo just spoke at the Democratic National Convention about Covid response. I have to assume OJ is coming out next to share tips on a healthy marriage?

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

2 years

"We must put an end to these ridiculous conspiracy theories and dangerous political rhetoric." - Person who spent the last 5 years pushing a fake Russian collusion story and calling anyone who didn't vote for Hillary a nazi

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

11 months

I can't tell if Stephen King is turning into Elizabeth Warren or Elizabeth Warren is turning into Stephen King?

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@NotKennyRogers

6 years

For everyone out there who still doesn't understand how presidential elections work: New England had 613 total yards Philadelphia had 538 total yards Philly won the Super Bowl

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@NotKennyRogers

6 years

If you're okay with an angry mob standing outside Tucker Carlson's home threatening his wife and children, I'm not really interested in hearing your thoughts on gun control.

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@NotKennyRogers

2 years

We all know Biden is senile, but watching him speak right now helps remind everyone he's evil too.

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@NotKennyRogers

8 years

Awkward moment at Olympics #OpeningCeremony when the U.S. weightlifting team carried another pallet with $400 million over to the Iranians.

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

2 years

If SNL is forced to cancel their show tonight due to a massive Covid outbreak amongst their 100% vaccinated cast and crew, I bet they won't air a repeat from last month where they made fun of Aaron Rodgers for questioning the effectiveness of Covid vaccines.

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@NotKennyRogers

6 years

31 years ago today, Guns N' Roses released "Appetite For Destruction." Hey millennials...your music sucks.

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@NotKennyRogers

6 years

BREAKING: With 99% of the precincts reporting...CNN is now officially calling Panama for Van Halen.

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@NotKennyRogers

8 years

I've yet to hear a convincing argument as to why any Christian would be okay with a president who doesn't believe this is a life:

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

5 years

Think of the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you. Got it? Now multiply that by 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999.999, 999, 999, 999, 999, 999, 999, 999, 999. Happy Good Friday.

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NotKennyRogers

@NotKennyRogers

1 year

I'm going to tell my grandchildren this was The View:

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@NotKennyRogers

7 years

Duke walks into a bar...to watch the rest of the NCAA tournament.

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@NotKennyRogers

6 years

32 years ago today, the greatest sports movie ever made was released in theaters. Never trust anyone who disagrees with this statement.

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@NotKennyRogers

4 months

In 2020, the LA Times published the following headline: "Mocking anti-vaxxers' death is ghoulish, yes - but necessary." Today, the LA Times fired 115 "journalists" because no one reads their paper anymore. Mocking these journalists is ghoulish, yes - but necessary.

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