Alasdair Beckett-King @MisterABK Twitter profile

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

6 months

Every indie game:

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Last Seen Profiles

@datenshiiro

@sindicoagg

@sekkusushi22232

@SmithworksVodka

@QCToday

@MarlenY_Pirir

@ggYxuUplpr42846

@Anjunabeats

@deputesPCF

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@StaySaif

@KING

@clint_een

@sakuea71_sakura

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@YUI702554913222

@xxxxee889

@Specius_

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@ClayFeagler

@shortglassofh2o

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@SH_GolfClubs

@commitmentedits

@yehme2

@sandyhanes1

@awahanan

@SainTFreire

@sakura71_sakura

@pparooxio99

@ines_drf

@chami_rvplt

@RUTHAGNAR

Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

2 years

Fascinating cultural differences

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

3 years

Every single Scandinavian crime drama:

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

1 year

I read a list of Glass Onion plotholes, and now I think there needs to be a class in school where they explain what a plothole is. Get rid of PE and replace it with that. A character holding a knife is not a plothole.

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

1 year

Twitter The Simpsons 🤝 Owned by an evil billionaire Getting worse 4000 characters

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

3 years

Me? Just reading the memes on 1940s radio:

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

2 years

Cartoons today vs cartoons when I was a kid:

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

3 years

Give a man a fish and he can feed himself for a day. But give him one eighth of a fish, and you can keep the rest of the fish yourself. - Ancient Tory Proverb

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

2 years

Incredible that "the elephant in the room" means the thing no one is talking about. If I saw an elephant in a room I would bring it up almost immediately.

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

2 years

Return of the King of the Hill of the Rings:

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

3 years

Every old school computer game:

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

10 months

"You should never mock someone for mispronouncing something, because it means they learned it by reading," I say, after calling Malcolm X "Malcolm the Tenth".

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

2 years

I think billionaires should pay throttlingly burdensome taxes, not to improve society, but because it makes them sad.

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

3 years

Every episode of Popular Space Show™

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

3 years

If Columbo were anime:

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

2 years

Every edgy millionaire comedian

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

1 month

Video of Elon Musk trying to do a high five, but he misses and slaps a horse, and the horse gallops away, but Musk's belt is caught on it and his trousers rip off.

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

2 years

Every internet video (in 2003):

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

1 year

Every sci-fi film from the 1950s:

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

1 year

"What happened to the knife? It was missing, and then later I saw someone holding it, but no one ever commented on it!" Nooooooooooot a plothole. The character you saw holding the knife PICKED IT UP. And no one commented on it, because it's not radio.

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

1 year

If you took a billionaire's money away, they would just earn it back again. Cream rises to the top. I'm so confident about this, I think we should prove it by taking all the billionaires' money away.

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

11 months

We slid smoothly from, 'identify how you want, but don't expect us to play along' to 'if a child is rumoured to have a factually inaccurate belief, the press and government should mount a nationwide campaign of remedial bullying.'

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

3 years

How every Film Noir ends:

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

1 year

I'm finding Mastodon to be needlessly complicated, and please bear in mind that I have been using Blender since 2003, when it made you answer 3 riddles before you could delete the default cube.

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

4 years

Good evening. I took the birds out of The Birds (1963).

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

3 years

Guy who is about to die in space:

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

3 years

Found a hobbit prison.

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

3 years

A guy who is about to die in a movie:

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

4 years

What if Jaws (1975) were set in the North East of England?

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

3 years

The Modern Pentathlon logo makes it look like two of the athletes are in big trouble.

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

2 years

Every "Not so fast... I'LL be taking that" scene:

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

2 years

Every folk horror:

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

1 year

People say Twitter-as-news has made us stupider, but deducing what actually happened from the jokes is a SKILL. You try and make sense of the Bay of Pigs Invasion from two hundred accounts tweeting, 'It's me, I'm the pigs.'

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

2 years

Look, the NHS is an unmanageable behemoth. Labour tried spending more money on it, and it got better. The Conservatives tried spending less money on it, and it got worse. It's just an intractable problem that we're never going to solve.

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

4 years

I see a lot of lefties complaining about house prices, but one Rosewood Red Multi Brick only costs 62p. Are you telling me you can't save 62p? There are 8000 bricks in a house, so that's £5296. 8000 packs of ciggies cost £5200. Some of you need to LEARN to BUDGET.

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

3 years

Every haunted house movie:

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

3 years

When you forget your password in the Olden Times™:

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

7 months

Watching any movie on my parents' TV:

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

2 years

Can't believe the Queen switches the palace lights on and off herself. There must be hundreds of them.

BBC Breaking News

@BBCBreaking

2 years

The Queen has tested positive for Covid and has "mild cold-like symptoms" but expects to carry out light duties this week, says Buckingham Palace

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

3 years

Incredible foresight from Thatcher to gut working class communities, so that 40 years later Tories can point gleefully at regions full of neglected white kids and go: "look, racism doesn't exist."

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

2 years

How is Twitter worth any money at all? It's free. It's broken. Everyone who uses it hates it and I would die a thousand deaths before clicking on a promoted tweet.

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

9 months

Every episode of Good Omens (and some other TV shows) in 45 seconds:

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

2 years

Huge respect for conservatives resigning and defecting. It takes a lot of guts to quit exactly at the moment things become personally embarrassing for you.

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

9 months

If you find it implausible that someone would do an Edinburgh Fringe show to no one, cry, tweet about it and then do the exact same thing again a year later then allow me to introduce you to everyone at the Edinburgh Fringe.

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

11 months

I found a pub with an inverted normal map. If you understand what this means, you have to retweet.

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

1 year

In Bethlehem, Christ is born [SUSPENDED FOR LIVE LOCATION SHARING]

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

2 years

"Hello, is that Roman customer services? I ordered an extra large t-shirt, but you've sent me 40."

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

2 years

Let's Play Cop Simulator.exe (a game I made up):

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

4 years

I took the crop duster out of the crop duster scene from North By Northwest (1959). Now Cary Grant just keeps falling over. I'm sorry, OK?

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

2 years

Can't believe that the guys who made S.T.A.L.K.E.R., a game that doesn't have a single female character, would eventually get into NFTs.

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

4 years

Recursive Pope

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

2 years

American vs British reactions to street magic:

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

2 years

Wow, did you know Netflix's Sandman is based on a graphic novel?

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

2 years

PLEASE check the batteries in your Woke Detector. We just got up to find the kitchen full of pronouns. Thankfully managed to get most of they/them out the window. Last week it was Critical Race Theory leaking from the flat above. THIS IS SERIOUS.

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

1 year

I would consider paying Twitter $8 for a Show Me The Thing I Was Looking At A Second Ago That Has Now Disappeared button.

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

3 years

Every single spaghetti western:

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

2 years

I can't believe choosing the worst option every single time we were asked has brought us to this.

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

3 years

Blade Runner (but Mr Blobby is there)

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

11 months

Every quirky forensic pathologist:

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

3 years

This happened when I was 10

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

1 year

My favourite episode of Father Ted is the one where Father Ted makes a small mistake, but instead of owning up to it he makes the situation much worse with outrageous consequences.

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

1 year

To become a millionaire on the internet, you just have to say things like: Men, stop blinking. Your eyes are meant to be dry. A true warrior keeps his eyes open to scan the horizon for threats. Women and babies blink to get rid of the tears they are crying. #NoBlinkBro

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

3 years

That's nice. I always felt that what England, as a nation, lacked was a high opinion of itself.

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

3 years

Sorry, but there should be separate customer service phone lines for non-boomers. Of course I've already tried your website before phoning. I am not a maniac.

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

3 years

People agreeing with each other - UGH! Disgusting groupthink. People agreeing with me - Ah! Open minds! Welcome to my thinkatorium.

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

8 months

It's hard to tell exactly how bad AI art is, because the people producing it are the dullest and most easily impressed marks on the planet. "This is a game-changer!" they cry as they try to scoop the moon out of a pond.

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

11 months

Cultural Marxism? It's called Wokeness now, gramps. And before that it was called Critical Race Theory. And Identity Politics. And Political Correctness. And before that it was called Cultural Bolshevism, by some really kooky guys.

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

4 years

Hey, want to play an interactive Twitter murder mystery?

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

2 years

Every evil emperor:

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

2 years

Not everyone has seen the tweet this is spoofing, and I am taking a lot of undue flak about the location of Iceland.

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

3 years

The context of that "No Context Brits" account is flat-out stealing jokes and funny pictures. And, honestly, what could be more British than being applauded for stuff you stole?

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

2 years

I'm finding it very hard to reveal wrongdoing in this whistle factory.

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

3 years

If your housemate was Agatha Christie's Poirot:

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

5 months

I've created a spoof advert which is so convincing that people are scrolling past it. Not watching this is actually a huge compliment to me.

Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

5 months

Every mobile game advert (aka Hot Santa Cosy Farm Wars):

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

11 months

The problem with every time travel movie:

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

1 year

Every so often in the UK, we ask a Baroness to investigate whether the police should be reformed, or whether drugs should be decriminalised. And they say, "Yes." And we say, "We're not doing that."

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

2 years

The famous interview where Orson Welles rips into Alex Kidd:

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

2 years

I don't say this lightly, but I have thought about this carefully and I am prepared to support trans people even if it means we never get Father Ted: The Musical.

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

1 year

Is that dog staying? Because I hate it. I hate the stupid line of pixels that renders between its ears in my browser. I hate the way it gives the impression of being a joke without being a joke. I hate it.

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

2 years

It's November 2014 and I'm joining Twitter. Time to follow Richard Dawkins, Glenn Greenwald and the guy who wrote my favourite sitcom. Oh boy, this is gonna be swell.

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Alasdair Beckett-King

@MisterABK

2 years

Me, trying to say hello to a cockney: