Mad Hatter Mommy!!! @MadHatterMommy Twitter profile

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

17 days

“This is such a huge financial loss” me, after accidentally dropping a blueberry.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 years

Vaginas should be password protected

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

23 days

A random kid just knocked on my door because - he said and I quote “I smelled cake”. And I get him.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

11 days

My whole vibe is “At that time it seemed like a good idea”.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

20 days

Might fuck around and open a bakery called “Existential Bread”.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

1 month

My kid said that his bones feel like magnet and that the bed feels like magnet and that is why he can’t be up for school.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

18 days

People want to look young and sexy, I will settle for “looks like you slept well”.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

15 days

What is it called when you are constantly disappointing people without meaning to?

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 years

We had 7 chocolates and 3 kids, so I ate 4 cause I am a problem solver.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 months

Why do I wanna try this so desperately????

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

11 days

We all need at least one friend to whom general rules don’t apply.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

3 years

Whoever is stealing my socks - at least take both of them

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

3 months

Do guys even notice lipstick?

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 years

The correct amount of cheese is "extra cheese"

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

21 days

Bursting bubble wrap until morale improves.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 months

It is not a ‘women’s day’ without a man asking when is the ‘men’s day’.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

27 days

I would go out more but, people.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

1 year

Am I the only one who thinks that Steve Martin always had white hair?

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

25 days

It’s that time of the year when you are equally sweaty 2 minutes before and after shower.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

3 months

So, who notifies us when the mid life crisis is over?

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 years

Omg I just realised that “Summer of 69” was probably not about the year.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

22 days

Me: You better eat your vegetables My kid: but why Me: they are good for you , they make your eyes brighter and skin glow My kid (takes a hard look at me): I don’t think that’s true

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 months

Don’t people with tattoos get bored of their tattoos?

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

3 months

Men look so amazing for people who use the same product for their teeth, hair, floor and car washing.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 months

I don’t know the rules; I just put a semi colon where I think it will look pretty.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 years

I am so confused is “bite me” a retort or a request?

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 months

Unpopular opinion: Broccoli tastes great!

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 years

My superpower is to talk when I should have shut up.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 years

Sometimes things start lining up

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

16 days

My standard ‘5 more minutes’ of sleep is 1 hour.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 years

Does a UFO remain an UFO once you identify it as a UFO?

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 years

Twitter has lowered my expectations so much that anyone who uses "your" correctly looks like a genius

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

1 year

Welcome to your 40s, that mosquito you just saw is actually an eye floater.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

3 months

Can people be addicted to things that are good for them?

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 years

Where was this 'piece' of information this 'entire' time??

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 months

Have you tried looking for your glasses while wearing them?

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

1 year

Does anyone know how to pronounce “croissant” without sounding like an idiot?

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

1 year

I have never experienced a broken McDonald’s ice cream machine - am I, am I the chosen one?

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

11 months

Is there an end date to the mid life crisis?

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 years

The only thing worse than no coffee is bad coffee

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

4 months

Why do stupid people argue so much?

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 years

Have you tried ‘buying useless stuff online’ about it?

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

3 months

What are the people who can’t decide if they are introverts or extroverts called?

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 years

“40 is the new 20” *Pulls a muscle* “40 is the new 80”

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

1 year

At what age does one stop giving a fuck about what the cashier thinks of our shopping items?

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 years

"I'd recommend a nap", me as a therapist

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

20 days

Apparently we have only two choices - either be a bitch or be taken for granted.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

3 months

Me: I refuse to believe that year 2004 was 30 years ago Them: it wasn’t Me: that’s what I just said

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 years

Blowing raspberries on a baby's tummy is therapy

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

21 days

Why are poets thinking that they are the ones tortured and not those who read their poetry?

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

30 days

Are you guys also getting naked chicks photos as replies on your tweets or am I special?

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

22 days

Forever stuck in a limbo between ‘taking a shower’ and ‘getting up from the couch’.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

1 year

Don’t be sad, in another universe you are doing even worse.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 years

Beginning to wonder if all these “sure sex is great but..” people have actually had sex.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 months

You never really know a person until you disagree with them.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 years

I just want to go to another planet and tell them to stop at sliced bread.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

4 months

Do people really care about inner beauty more than outer beauty?

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 months

Do you pay as many compliments to the women in your life as many as you guys pay to women here?

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 years

Wearing fancy lingerie makes you secretly happy even if no one can see it

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

1 year

Has anyone actually seen a dog eat homework?

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

6 months

You're someone's annoying notification.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 years

I wish I loved anything as much as Auto Correct loves correcting me wrongly.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

4 months

What is wrong with some of you???

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 years

I was so proud when the AC repair guy came and the AC continued to not function in front of him.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

4 months

Inside every introvert is a person wanting to loudly ask you to go away.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 years

*Blows my nose* "Weigh me now"

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 years

What? People lie on Twitter???

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

1 year

If you don’t embarrass yourself at least once a day you are a coward.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 years

Teacher: What were Romans doing in year 400 Me: IDK, Roming?

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

4 months

I’m the person who viewed your tweet and didn’t like it.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

14 days

Me: buttering me up won’t work Also me: so how cute did you say my smile is?

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 months

What is it called when 8 hours of broken sleep doesn’t make you untired?

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 years

Nothing makes me forget myself like the question “tell me something about yourself”.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

3 months

Sure, the $1500 bottle of wine is better than $150 bottle of wine, but is it 10 times better?

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 years

Shoutout to all those who do a detailed analysis of the menu knowing they will order the same dumb thing again.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

7 months

Does everyone else hear their own voice in their head when they read or think or am I just weird?

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

1 year

Omg is that why they call it nippy when it’s cold???

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 years

Kid: Mumma, if we are supposed to sleep at night why did God make stars so beautiful?

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 years

Cause life is all about balance

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 years

There is a multiverse where cheese has no calories

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

4 months

Adulting is just cleaning one thing after another.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

3 months

Do you see the person as half naked or half clothed?

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

1 year

You know you are in a ‘pretentious fine dining place’ when you can see more of the plate than the food.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 years

Flat stomachs are a myth.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

3 months

Has anyone ever found their marbles?

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

1 year

I accidentally sat in a bean bag chair and I live there now.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

1 year

The only thing worse than visitors are unannounced visitors.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 years

Are you even a serial tweeter if you don't catch fire once in a while?

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

3 months

Sorry I am late, I got ready too soon and then wasted too much time trying to not be too early.

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@MadHatterMommy

7 months

One “incorrect password” away from burning it all down.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 years

My sexy look is wearing a crumpled white t shirt and carrying a grilled cheese sandwich.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 years

My couch doubles up as a bed, a work station, a cheeto hiding place.... it's like the other furniture isn't even trying!

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 years

When I slipped at McDonalds, someone rescued my fries instead of me, and this is why I have faith in humanity.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

1 month

My kid just started calling me ‘bro’ and I wonder if there might be a support group for people like me.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 years

I won't be the most athletic person in a room even if I was the only person in that room

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 years

Are you even a parent if you are not lying in the bed and thinking about your next nap?

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 years

Happiness is fresh sheets and pillow covers!

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 years

Nothing tests your patience like the wait for 'skip intro' button

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

2 years

I have literally stopped using the word literally cause literally no one uses it the way it is literally supposed to be used.

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Mad Hatter Mommy!!!

@MadHatterMommy

1 month

Me: I wonder why I muted this person? *unmutes account* Me: oh that’s why!

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