Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma @Fulkery1 Twitter profile

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

A life without idols, success without fame, morality in trials, and death without shame.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

15 yo daughter has a friend over and suddenly 13 yo son wants to walk around curling dumbbells.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

Doesn't stop there either, folks, suddenly he became a late night cook and made Ramen for everybody. With eggs.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 months

I feel like you really get me. You should seek help.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

@g_prurient I got at least one picture

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

@danesantorini This is the walk, this gif nailed the walk

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

@KenKong909

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

@robjharley Of course not. That still has to be demanded.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

Might as well get some socks for these sandals, I wasn't getting laid anyway.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

1 month

It's funny they call alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, and weed "addictions" but consider it fine, even healthy, that we get up every day to go to soul-crushing jobs for nothing more than tokens to continue sustaining an empirically meaningless existence.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 months

Sorry I called you a pompous fuckgoblin but you have to admit that really brought fresh energy to the conversation.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

Forget the do not call registry, we need a "permission to call me" registry, everything else blocked.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

@TGSing0911 "You have hair. Cool."

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

@PaulGallup

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 months

Don't bite the hand that jobs you or something.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

@JesseMock42

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

3 months

Me, at the intervention: "Ah look, all the reasons I drink gathered in one place."

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

3 years

Hi, I'm your bladder and I'm here to steal that last 15 minutes of sleep before your alarm goes off.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

@Manigarm "Oh this? Move it every week. Always looking for acoustic improvements."

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

Fucking around and finding out is the scientific method.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

3 years

Would you be happy with your pinned tweet as your headstone?

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

Once you get used to falling down the stairs, it honestly becomes the most efficient way down.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

3 years

Aaaaaaaaaa

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

@LoneLycan76 I'm sorry nobody loves you.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

Dating? Oh you mean synchronized emotional damage?

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

May get drunk and argue with a folding chair.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

Nobody ever talks about Thousand Island dressing anymore.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

3 years

@buddy_ferrara @magikmilf "Abuela I'm gonna make you a badass sign, muy excelente"

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

@TriIronClyde

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

Going off the grid sounds great until you find out how difficult it is to make mayonnaise in the woods.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

Have you tried pushing it? Real good?

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

1 month

We're all idiots about something.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

Guess what babe, I joined a glam rock cover band. Also you are out of makeup.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

3 years

Everybody gangsta til that toilet seat shift

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

Maybe having rich people decide what is affordable is not a great idea.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

1 month

Just a casual stabbing, nothing formal.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

Not sure if I’m depressed enough, let me put on some REM.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

There is a very fine line between kidnapping an introvert and taking them to a party.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

3 years

Whoever is responsible for "tear here" that doesn't work, I will find you.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

@TheConnedsumer @JjSweets7 It's scientifically fascinating.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

@McLurker2 Legend

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

Sometimes I drink just to make sure I am not asked to drive anywhere.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

C'mon heathens

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

3 years

Let's stop the hatred against iceberg lettuce.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

@BlueBelle7142 @a_simpl_man

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

@srecobo He did. Made Ramen for everyone (with eggs).

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 months

Wait, he rose so I can't buy liquor? Put him back.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

I'm feeling sassy. I may show an inappropriate amount of ankle today.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

Maybe the world was always this way and we just had less access to the stupid.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

@sfgfan58 It's almost like it has nothing to do with them, yet they want it to have something to do with them.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

5 months

NO YOU CAN'T GIVE ME A QUICK CALL LEARN TO FUCKING WRITE

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

3 years

I will die on this oh wait, wrong hill lol stupid GPS.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

Couches should really have more food storage options.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

Loneliness may suck, but you get over it as soon as you hear someone chewing.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

I'm not an introvert, I'm just tired of people.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

3 years

I love shutting the garage door like "that's enough out of you, world."

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

Oops, seized the wrong day again.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

You're making demands like somebody who brought me cake, and yet, in my hand, there is no cake.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

I agree, Godzilla, that was a stupid place to put that entire city.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

Superhero movies speak to the part of us that wants to be good, but still punch people.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

3 years

I'm Gen X, so I am continually caught between appreciating modern, minimal, touch-based controls and wanting to feel like a German U-Boat captain with a panel of switches, levers and dials.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

1 year

Me: Drug dealer called again. Her: It's Walgreens. Just say Walgreens.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

@xFreedomEnjoyer This is PRECISELY what he would reply if he had twitter.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

@ErnieDouglas40 @robjharley I just played along and told him to change wrist position to hit all heads of the bicep.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

I love waking up at 7 on a Saturday, making coffee, and sitting in a recliner, wondering why I exist.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

3 years

Replacing my driver's license with an Uno reverse card.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

3 years

Get in loser. No, not my car. The woodchipper.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

I just got back from reality, and I recommend imagination.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

My home security is mostly a bunch of recklessly placed rakes in the garage.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

3 months

I get it, crocs and socks are not sexy at all, but I wasn't getting laid in tennis shoes either and this is ridiculously comfortable.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

I've got all my gasoline bagged up for this monkey pox thing.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

We need a Disney prince that doesn't kiss unconscious strangers in the woods.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

3 years

She blinded me with science. Or mace. Probably mace.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

3 years

Some hospital, I can't even get a whiskey neat.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

3 years

I don't want to rule the world. I want it to run efficiently and leave me alone.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

3 years

We need a Disney Princess with a lazy eye and a mouthful of uncomfortable truths

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 months

Gotta hot date with the bottom of the staircase.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

The first rule of hydration club is where is your restroom?

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

10 months

Wanna come over and make way too much spaghetti?

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

Ask yourself if this can be solved with noodles. If not, walk away.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 months

@_hood_mona_lisa Is the sun gluten free yes or no

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

Alfredo: Because we needed a way to drink Parmesan.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

You seem really cool, probably because I hardly know you.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

Yes I have all my shit together, it's in a bag on your porch.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

Humans use the term "invasive species" like somebody invited them to all 7 continents.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

3 years

Don't worry about what to do in a bear attack. The bear will take care of it.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

3 years

You're in her DMs, I don't even know who she is, I'm looking for my keys have you seen them?

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

Wednesday, the "but wait, there's more" of days.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

Scientists have recently discovered that No.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

I just crawled under my desk to get something that fell and considered remaining there.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

3 years

Stop telling me what's in the fridge, I don't want food we actually have.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

1 year

I get it, monks. Shun society and brew alcohol. I understand now.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

My generation got cars before we had cell phones. We had no idea where we were going.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

Just ripped my shirt off and destroyed a rotisserie chicken.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

Accidentally holding it all together.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

1 year

Me, being dug out after 17 hours buried under the avalanche: "I was led to believe there would be a St. Bernard."

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

Maybe wear your heart on the other sleeve, that one has mustard on it.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

Sorry, I made those plans when I liked the world.

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

Pardon my brief absence, I was "living."

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Fulkery, A Parody Wrapped in an Enigma

@Fulkery1

2 years

I'm okay, but I'm still considering a mental breakdown just to shake things up.

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