A regular on Forbes’ Future List, I’m a spinner of tales, crafting False Memoirs for your delight. Treat my tweets like a plantain - part truth, part burnt dodo
Na only God dey safe Uber drivers for this country.
It's one risky thing to get into a stranger's vehicle to take you home and another for the driver to drive a total stranger to an unknown destination.
I was doing Uber 2years ago, it was on a Saturday morning around 5 am.
We used to play street football then with this street bro; we call him "Senior Man".
He's the oldest among us all, and always plays as a defender alongside me, so we get to talk a lot since we are almost always on the same team 8/10.
Rumour on the street was that he used to be
Everything was placed in each position for a reason, named all tracks for a reason, and have the opposite on the other side. The middle is obviously in the middle.
I was living in Ogba one time, in one of the self-contains in a big compound with our landlord and his wives.
I was working with a start-up earning 50k a month.
My landlord was a cashew farmer.
Make I no lie, that man get bastard money.
He had 4 official wives with some friendly
Funny thing is, he’s only in the VIP section and probably not paying for anything he’s eating, all because he has a Priority Pass or an American Express card 🤣. And he’s reaping the benefits as a member.
He said, “Let me know when my flight has arrived” 🤣. As if it’s a car.…
One of my ex-girlfriends once asked me a question one boring weekend through a WhatsApp video call; she asked, "What really broke our relationship?" I replied, "I can't remember."
We were both still single, so I told her, " Let's pretend we are dating for a day," she agreed.
This guy is one of the people I like the most in the comedy skit-making industry with the way he's always putting people on, knew kiekie from stoopid session but knew her as a skit maker through this guy, but I think there's one thing he's not understanding. You can help people,…
Dumb people really love downplaying the importance of
academic excellence. You will hear them say 'first class students will work for third class students', then top it off with the Gates and Zuckerberg dropout stories on why education is not a prerequisite for a successful life
I was so sad for him and just couldn't understand how he was still standing so strong.
Well, guess who I found in my DM today on Twitter, Senior Man!
He's now in the UK after he was able to get a job with an IT Firm from Nigeria with his experience alone, they sponsored him.
You are not supposed to feel bad about that Naira Marley post if you are not part of Bambiala Twitter you know?
Go into the kitchen, drink water, look in the mirro and ask yourself " Why am I angry?"
When I was in secondary school, there was this Mad man in the street of my school.
He had his building, but no one goes in it, and it was fenced round.
The rumor was that he used his family as a ritual, and it backfired after he wasn't successful as a genius.
There was a big tree
In one video
He broke
Data Protection Act 2018 (GDPR)
protection of personal data which include Unauthorized recording and sharing of a client's personal information.
Breach of Confidentiality
Sharing private information about a client’s health, personal life without consent.…
@yabaleftonline
Wow, this is really sad. I was hoping someone would sign Trod and I’ve been eagerly waiting for his big break. Especially since he’s in the genre Dagrin pioneered. I wish rap was still as lucrative as before. Trod is like a carbon copy of Dagrin.
Well, I really didn't want to post this, but I just felt, it will be nice for people to learn from my story.
And I will try to be as detailed as possible.
THREAD
@EbukaMeansGreat
@Cobratate
Maybe they know the God can fight for himself.
If you have to be the one defending your powerful living God, then you should ask questions.
I remember when I was in Ibadan one time, I was in a Keke.
A guy being harassed came into the middle of the road in front of my keke and started shouting for help.
He said they found nothing on his phone and are about to take him to the station to extort him.
He stopped traffic
If you could get a housemaid in Lagos till at least ending of 2018, you should know Madam Rose.
She and her team were always ready to supply any preference of Housemaid you want.
Since she got the maid for my mum's best friend, we decided to get one from her.
@DavidHundeyin
@10_xion_
The balance of power needs revision in our constitution. A president should face restrictions until cleared in court. How can justice prevail when one is up against a person wielding the power of all armed forces?
Met a friend a few years ago. We started a project together that needed lots of government funding. We built everything necessary, but the day we applied, they denied us because my friend showed up drunk.
I was shocked cos my man doesn't drink at all.
I'm just handling my phone for the first time since 3 am.
All I can say is, No one can't go through depression, your strongest friend can.
Even the usual life of the party can.
We sometimes overlook just because of the smile they always have on, but deep down they are burning.
This Charlie Charlie stuff reminded me of one of the highlights of my life.
My relationship with Flora.
We grew up together, and our parents used to refer to us as "Husband and Wife", we were just family friends and not related at all.
It was annoying at first growing up,
There was this rich man in our street then, who owned a big gun.
He's always making mouth about how thieves can't come to our street because they know he was living there.
They wrote a letter to our street one day saying "We are coming on Wednesday" we thought it was a joke.
@drpenking
However, 12,000 people are about to be employed, 3 open positions for new Monarchs, 24 hours and 12000 plus families have already been impacted positively. if you like don't go and vote in good people 2023. If you don't benefit, your family will benefit.
I received the beating of my life during weight and Height conversion class.
I can't remember how old I was at that time, but I was very, very young.
I remember the whole class including me was singing out loud
"One centimeter make 10 Millimeters" dancing to the tune of the song.
I hardly celebrate birthdays; most times, I always forget on that day.
But there was this one I remembered in 2018.
I was sad and broke and just wished I could celebrate it.
Some of my old friends came over; they do smoke, drink, party and all sort on an average day anyway, so
There was this issue I was in some years back with the daughter of a politician.
They had to change the name of the kid to their surname and raise it as theirs.
I left Lagos for PH.
I didn't pick anything in my room.
Her Dad might still be looking everywhere for me till now.
I don't know if you've seen my tweets; lately, It's just a string of tweets about my ex and the current situation.
She's getting married on Saturday.
We met at ICM in Lagos, and it all went natural until I knew her better, and I got scared even though she's very beautiful.
To me,
Sorry guys, I won't be online today and for a while.
I just got the saddest news of my life.
I don't know how to feel. I am angry at myself too.
I just lost my best friend. He committed suicide early this morning.
This was our last chat
So last month ended my long time of unemployment even though it wasn't as if I was not applying for Jobs or qualified for one.
Before I graduated, I was a lecturer's PA (My Oga), we used to chill together, we drink, we party and he used to tell me about other lecturers too.
Most times, I feel it's better to live under the same roof with your partner for some months before getting married.
Just to see if you are both really compatible or only suitable as friends.
Before I got married, I was in a relationship with my woman for two years.
During the long 6months ASUU strike in 2013, I was tired os staying home. I could hardly remember my matric number.
After 4 months in the strike, I decided to learn some handwork, so I can go back to school with something to make money.
I learned Generator repairing first then
So I cheated death today.
It was my first time in a car accident, and I was sitting beside the driver.
I didn't panic or shout, I just discovered one thing, this Life is overrated.
I was working with this man then,he's on Twitter now, and he's a very big man on here and yea, he's rich.
There was this Davido photo manipulation I did that went Viral and got people sending DMs and all.
It was my first time of getting attention on social media, it was...
Back in 2018/2019, during my toughest spell of unemployment, I received a DM from Mazi after I openly pleaded for job opportunities on Twitter. The job lasted a while, but the experiences and revelations still haunt me to this day.
My role started out with scheduling appointments
Today makes it 3years, 25th December 2017.
I was working as a driver for a big man then, and it was just my third week of working with him.
He paid me on the 1st of the month, and I was collecting 150k a month.
It was his way of helping and at the same time introducing me to
I'm not surprised about Naira Marley issue.
90% of Nigeria musicians are only cleaning their fraud money with Music.
Sometimes I wonder how you released one song that we downloaded for free and get to buy houses and cars with it.
Sanyeri ni wá now 😂
Because She was pregnant already for another man.
Anger made the man push her, and she fell, hitting her head on the sharp edge of a wooden table killed her.
He told his mother since he had no Dad, and his mom planned the whole thing with him.
That was one hell of a day.
A very successful person and spent a long time in the United States.
It's a story no one was ever sure of until the day we got to the field, and we were waiting for the ball.
We were talking about life experience so I asked about his own and he shared with me.
I hardly reply DMs of girls on here, not because I'm not friendly or because they are not beautiful but just because I've seen lot of after effects of it on TL and didn't look like what I would put myself in.
I received a message in my DM from an account of 60 followers in Jan
@DAMIADENUGA
No matter how emotional your story is as a man in an abusive relationship, people will hardly help, take you serious or believe you.
The game is rigged.
I was down and had to turn on my app to see If I would get a rider.
Immediately I went out; I accepted one.
I drove there.
It was a Mother and Man in his early 30s.
They didn't look like a wealthy family, but they looked average too.
He said he didn't have a chance to finish Uni, but he was able to secure IT Networking work with a firm at a very early stage of his life, he had a partner who was really really brilliant.
They both concluded that they should send the girl to study in the US.
It was so difficult to survive.
My dad lost his Job while my mum was a full housewife with my other three siblings.
I am the firstborn of 4.
I was 12 years old at that time.
They said I would have to go to Ibadan to live with my uncle and my siblings shared with other relatives.
I dated one of the EFCC undercover agents once and it took me months after the relationship to even realise what just happened. I had a major breakfast towards the end of 2019 and decided to check the transfer market again to see if I could be able to sign a new player, checked
And after getting her ground, she can then come to pick him up, and they can start a life properly.
He said they were already 4years into the relationship at that time.
He brought out his savings and sold off some of the little properties he acquired, and they pulled it off.
He was really in debt and apart from him planning on going over to meet her, he had a lot of debts to pay off.
He also lost his job at a point and was only working around relying solely on previous clients' referral or them having issues since he was trusted.
She looked into the man's eyes and replied to me "Yes" that the man sitting beside her was her son and he was getting married later that day.
He said there had been some fuck up with the venue, catering services, and all, and the fact that he's getting married today is why he's…
It was a 3years healthcare course, and she graduated.
But within those 3 years, he was already living in a low-budget apartment as he couldn't afford to pay for the flat they were in because of the money he was sending over there and loans he was applying for.
She was an orphan
So, I woke up to this Thread of an amazing digital marketer who started making 7 figures at the age of 21.
I felt the heat. I read the thread from a mind of someone who doesn't know what's up with life.
Well,I have something for them.
NOTE: I'm not making 7figures & I'm not 21
They were both putting on casual wear.
I was asked to open my car boot that they needed to put some luggage in.
One big Pot, Spoons, Box, and a sack of meat.
With some cooking material that looked like they were about to use for Owambe(Party) later in the day.
There was this show I was part of in 2017, We invited big artists, and it was just one fantastic show.
We collected money from upcoming artists to perform.
Most times, they are used to entertain guests until real celebrities arrive.
There was this particular Upcoming artist.
The place we were going to was just an hour away.
They started engaging me in different conversations, so the trip wasn't boring a bit.
I kept checking my rear mirror, and I noticed the man was wiping tears often.
Able to get hold of life a bit, but that was after 9years.
To date, he doesn't know the girl's whereabouts. He also lost contact with her Uncle whom he used to get in touch with at a point. He said the whole issue changed his entire life direction.
@SubDeliveryZone
Tell him you thought he was Rich, let him know he's handsome with amazing personalities but you are just a Gold digger and he doesn't have the gold.
Make sure you pay for the last lunch too.
Olójú kòkòrò játi jàti🤭
#Thread
Well, it all started with this picture.
This obviously shames the guy for pulling out four times in 3 minutes (baba was trying to prolong you-know-what).
In his words "Life was living me."
He said they kept in touch and his girl said she started working.
The debt was the top priority, but he said he understood it would take time.
And that he told her about marriage.
About her coming over, them getting married so it can be a
Family and friends about how he would be getting married and travelling soon.
But after two years of waiting.
The girl broke up entirely and told him he got into a relationship with someone after graduation, and she had a kid for him.
And the fact that she was married to someone
I don't care what you've tweeted in the past.
I don't care about your ethnicity.
I don't care about your gender.
If I've offended you in the past or drag you in the past, I'm sorry.
For now, let us unite and fight for one goal, which is to
#EndSARS
!!!!!
So yea, I've been busy lately because my best friend was supposed to get married in some months time and we had to plan the surprise propose yes yes thing.
It was amazing but it sucks that we are calling everything off after months of preparation and the fact that they both
He said that the point where she cut off all forms of communication between them was when things got to him really hard, and he had no idea how to come out of the maze he was in.
So the easiest way for him was to run out of town.
Went to Lagos and started hustling from scratch
I figured maybe he was the husband for that day, and just couldn't hide his emotion.
Since the woman and I engaged in conversation, I asked, "Sorry, ma o, are you planning on celebrating something today? It's not too late to get my native o so I can join" jokingly.
Bus he was driving after they arrested him.
He then promised to start paying monthly for them till he was able to finish up.
When he was able to get his balance a bit, he brought Keke business back home to our street. As one of the people who started the Keke business, he was
She was saying she shares the same account with her husband and since she didn't tell the husband about him or about the money he spent on her, it won't be possible for her to take money out without telling him what she was using it for that she doesn't want to break her home.
Way of him getting the travelling thing to work.
He said none of the two plans worked for at least another two years.
The girl wasn't sending any money home, and she wasn't giving a sign of her coming home to get married.
The funniest thing was that he had been telling his
Couldn't make her get married to him and fulfil the plans they had.
She said if she hadn't done that, it wouldn't have been possible for her to stay back and all her efforts would have been in vain.
Senior Man said he begged even to help him pay the debts but
He sold my baby off, and Bilikis wasn't even anywhere to be found.
It was a new set of girls and bachelors in his compound who were unknowingly impregnating girls.
I was dumbfounded, and even though justice was served that he went to jail,
It took me a while to get over it.
He said throughout all those years, people thought he travelled out to meet his woman while he was just hustling in Lagos.
People he owed were looking everywhere for him, looking for a contact or anything to just talk to him.
They found him in Lagos one day and seized the
I was touched.
Immediately, I started telling him about my own experience, how the wedding day always has one fuck up no matter how you plan.
The man was now able to cry more since I knew the reason behind it. I was just saying, " Be strong man, today should be your happy day."
"Steven, we've been trying to reach Jennifer since yesterday, and her number has been switched off, she said she was on her way to you."
I immediately told the man he had forgotten his phone, and I was a driver.
The mother called, and I picked up, I told her I was on my way back…
@OneJoblessBoy
Women enjoy the privilege to talk about anything they wanna talk about when it comes to men no matter how sensitive or private.
Imagine Pere coming out and talking about the shape or look of her own private part just because they had a shower together.
I drove to the nearest junction to look for another rider, and I got some two young boys.
They came in and immediately they sat down they gave me a phone from the back, they found it on the floor, the man left his phone in my car 🤦🏾♂️.
They came back to the car, and they said I should take them back home.
It was a nice trip for the first time in a day, and I knew I was going to get a lot of money.
I drove back to their house, and they paid me.
I was delighted.
The man didn't stop crying all through the trip.
When we got to the location, the mother left the bags, phones, and everything in the car.
We stopped at an open field with rocks and all in front of a lake.
What a location for a perfect reception!, these people planned this thing we'll, I said.
I asked them if they needed a hand
I watched Fela's documentary.
I saw how hard he fought the government then. He sacrificed all and warned us.
Weed and dressing aside; he was the real MVP.
But well,we voted in the man he warned us about in 2015.
But we will instead remember him for Weed or compare him to smokers
The mother and son were arrested after I gave my statement.
They went to jail both.
They said it was an accident that happened Saturday morning when the fiancé came to the man's house on Friday, to tell him she wanted to call off the wedding that was scheduled for next weekend
The phone was locked, and I couldn't reach anyone, so I planned on picking up any call that came in to let them know it was with me.
I just dropped the boys off when a call came in.
Jennifer's Dad showed on the screen.
I picked up, and I heard a worried voice of a man saying
They said I shouldn't bother. It was some min pass six so everywhere was still dark a bit.
They carried the whole cooking things and the meat, and they took it around the biggest rock to maybe keep it there till they started cooking later in the day, I guessed.
When your parent has a favourite, it has its way of messing with your head for the rest of your life if you don't find help. I just finished my sessions with my therapist and sharing a big part of my reason for going there in the first place is my last healing piece.
Being the
If you've been on Twitter for a while, you will remember that Twitter Influencer that committed suicide in 2016.
She was a close friend and the strongest person I've ever seen.
She was making big cash through this app too.
She just didn't kill herself.
What happened was...
@Naija_PR
Everything in Nigeria has an association, but often, they don’t help at all. They don’t benefit consumers in any way, just the founders of these so-called associations. They’re a key reason why it’s hard to revert to lower prices after a price surge.
This is an Imaginary story; it never happened.
I drop at least one story a week, and you can check my pinned Tweet for previous stories.
I can help you write story ads for your brand.
I follow back anyway, so you have nothing to lose when you follow me.
Read, Enjoy, and Review.
My Twin sis and I had this friend growing up in our lovely neighbourhood around the late 90s. Her name was Mercy. Very playful and outspoken. We were very young. We were best friends, and people used to call Mercy my wife. I didn't fancy it at that time though.
By the time I got there, I had met a crowd, people were sad, and the wife-to-be was nowhere to be found.
I saw the man again, and this time his cry had multiplied.
I left the scene and went back to work.
I stopped on the way to check my car trunk, and I noticed the meat blood was…
@yabaleftonline
The last one doesn’t really know where you stay so you are safe.
So, first, call that one with a car and say you’re not at home.
The one at the gate? Go open the door and make her feel at home. Tell her you need to get fuel.
Drive to the estate gate and hang out with her…
I saw the lifeless body of the person they were probably looking for.
Since it was too risky to say anything about that type of thing in Nigeria, I quickly reached out to a top person I know first before contacting the police, God no go shame us.
They got to the scene and took…
The only thing we've achieved so far is that we've been able to
#EndSARS
Online.
It's time to use the same Unity to demand that
#SARSMUSTEND
in real life too completely.
For Nigerian Police to
#EndPoliceBrutalitynow
.
They can hear us, don't get tired, we are all together in this.
Matches at times.
He rents apartments to only single Men.
He was already in his early 50s.
His second wife was this busty light-skinned young woman in her early 30s.
Her name was Bilikis.
They were one friendly family.
They took me as a family member.
But something happened.