I will never understand why married people insist on sleeping in the same bed together
“Oh babe, I love you so much. Let’s be unconscious together and/or never get a good night’s sleep again”
Things that make me feel better than social media:
1. Folding a slice of bologna in half
2. Taking a bite of bologna
3. Unfolding the bologna and looking through the hole
Mom, White: When’re you gonna have kids? I just want a buncha lil’ Asian babies runnin’ around.
Me, adopted: Then buy some more, Linda. This isn’t my responsibility!
Being from the Midwest means my signature potluck dish will contain a tub of mayonnaise, a jar of jelly, and a block of Velveeta.
And it will be called something like "Sexy Salad" to let you know I do not actually understand what sex or salad is.
There are two types of people in the world:
The people who use the same thing for water over and over and the people who leave half empty waters around like they’re living in the movie Signs
@isgoodrum
Just to be clear, this isn't to separate Asians. This is a joke about how many people use and see all Asians as Chinese whether nefariously so or not. So sure, qt, guy.
A man once rage-told me the biggest threat to the state of NH was the "damn beavers".
After his 10 min tantrum, I said, "Beavers?! Daaam."
And this is why I have no friends.