Doc  @DocAtCDI Twitter profile

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Doc 

@DocAtCDI

8 hours

What's the best thing that happened to you today? #BestThingOfTheDay

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Doc 

@DocAtCDI

4 years

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him. Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He’s a web designer.

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@DocAtCDI

3 years

My wife and I are sitting on the couch watching tv and I hear a text, realizing I left my phone in the kitchen, I get up, go to the kitchen to check it... and its a text from my wife: Please bring the chips on your way back

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2 years

A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus spilled its load leaving New York Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, surprised, dumbfounded, flabbergasted, confounded, astonished, and numbed.

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3 years

A truck loaded with thousands of copies of ROGET'S THESAURUS crashed yesterday losing its entire load. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, and dumbfounded!

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@DocAtCDI

4 months

A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus spilled its load leaving New York Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, surprised, dumbfounded, flabbergasted, confounded, astonished, and numbed.

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@DocAtCDI

1 year

Honestly, if you have to carry a bazooka to order a meatball sandwich at Subway, you’re probably an asshole.

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@DocAtCDI

1 year

common we've all had days like this...

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@DocAtCDI

2 years

If Trump wanted Hillary in prison so bad he should have given her a job in his administration...

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@DocAtCDI

4 years

My son asked me what a Canadian was... I told him a Canadian was an unarmed American with health insurance

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@DocAtCDI

9 months

Before you laugh at children who believe in Santa Claus, Remember there are adults who believe in Donald Trump

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@DocAtCDI

3 years

How old were you when you realized that muffins spelled backward is what you do as they come out of the oven?

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@DocAtCDI

2 years

Just my luck, 250 million year old salt, and it expired 2 years ago...

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@DocAtCDI

3 years

excuse me... I'm looking for that girl that pushed my mom off a wall...

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@DocAtCDI

2 years

Before you laugh at children who believe in Santa Claus, Remember there are adults who believe in Donald Trump

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@DocAtCDI

4 years

they give me my own "Post" at work for these!

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@DocAtCDI

2 years

So President Trump wants to abolish the two-term limit on the Presidency. I can't WAIT to have President Obama back!

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@DocAtCDI

3 years

I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet? I asked my 18 brothers and sisters and they don’t know either.

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@DocAtCDI

2 years

can anyone tell me what kind of snake this is?

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@DocAtCDI

10 months

"And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile, and you may find yourself in a beautiful house with a beautiful wife and you may ask yourself, 'well, how did I get here?'"

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@DocAtCDI

3 months

I’m American and I’m sick of people saying America is the stupidest country in the world. Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.

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@DocAtCDI

2 years

If you're a Christian and you're big mad about the possibility of student loan debt being canceled. Let me remind you that the entirety of your faith is built on a debt that you can't pay that someone else stepped in and paid for you

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@DocAtCDI

4 years

@JerryCritter I've just seen my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV... “Don’t go in there! Don’t go in the church, you moron!” She’s watching our wedding video again.

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@DocAtCDI

3 years

just a reminder, why we are all here, in the middle of all the hate and vitriol, breathe... and remember...

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@DocAtCDI

4 years

My wife just gave birth today and after thanking the doctor, I pulled him aside and sheepishly asked, "How soon do you think we'll be able to have sex?" He winked at me and said: “I’m off duty in 10 minutes - meet me in the car park.”

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@DocAtCDI

2 years

Someone threw a beer at Trump at one of his rallies. hes ok, it was draft beer so... He Dodged it...

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@DocAtCDI

3 years

Nothing starts with an N and ends with a G. Change my mind

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@DocAtCDI

4 years

If smoking marijuana causes short term memory loss, what does smoking marijuana do??

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@DocAtCDI

15 days

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@DocAtCDI

1 year

Politics: would you vote for @jonstewart for president?

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@DocAtCDI

1 year

Before you laugh at children who believe in Santa Claus, Remember there are adults who believe in Donald Trump

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@DocAtCDI

3 years

After finding out that Trump is guilty of literally everything he has accused other people of doing, I'm now 95% certain Trump was actually born in Kenya...

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@DocAtCDI

3 years

None of us can imagine how bad your life has to be to walk 2,000 miles with your children to escape it.

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@DocAtCDI

6 months

Most people can't even begin to imagine the struggle of the tallyman tallying bananas...

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@DocAtCDI

3 years

I hate it when people dont know the difference between your and youre. There so stupid.

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@DocAtCDI

2 years

If youve never rewound a cassette tape with your finger, you have no right to complain about buffering.

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@DocAtCDI

4 years

My wife just said that if I don't get off my computer and help with the dishes shes gonna slam my head on the keyboard but I think shes jokinhwnnriowenjauhuhyfewbh48943983wbedjhhfws7hg873243nbiu2q378hgfdbuifqbqwuiehguh-asdhnjqweiorijndaklajhb

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@DocAtCDI

4 years

Just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think thats how Im gonna watch all documentaries from now on

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@DocAtCDI

3 years

This year Halloween falls on Friday the 13th for the first time in 666 years with a full moon to boot!

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@DocAtCDI

4 years

just a heads up, there are a few weirdos on the twitter. Someone messaged me asking me to meet them in the woods naked for a satanic ritual, but they didn't even show up!

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@DocAtCDI

3 years

Apparently, it's "rude" to ask the parents of a kid on a leash if it was a rescue.

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@DocAtCDI

3 years

My neighbor rang on my doorbell at 3am. Can you believe it!? Luckily I was still up playing the drums.

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@DocAtCDI

3 years

My wife is furious at our next door neighbor who sunbathes topless in her backyard. Personally, I’m on the fence

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@DocAtCDI

3 years

Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

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@DocAtCDI

3 years

It's not that I wanted a second dog... I wanted to get my dog a dog!

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@DocAtCDI

2 months

Not A Joke: (Sorry Not Sorry) I've heard the voices crying out about the deaths of unborn children; most of those arguments are religious. But I find it hard to hear someone screaming about how terrible it is to end an unwanted pregnancy while at the same time contributing to or…

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@DocAtCDI

2 years

Sources say the FBI seized a person, a woman, a man, a camera, and a TV.

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@DocAtCDI

6 months

if you get this you are my people be my people!!!

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@DocAtCDI

1 year

McDonald's called out Order 867 and I yelled 5309 and nobody laughed then I felt old and ate my burger in the playground area...

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@DocAtCDI

2 years

I know this is a show-off tweet, but I had to share You work hard all your life and you are doing so well you can treat yourself right I can't express the happiness I'm feeling white was the only color available but it doesn't matter I'm now the proud owner of these 4 chairs!

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@DocAtCDI

2 months

I finally got around to putting up that bar in the shower my doctor has been harping on me about

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@DocAtCDI

2 years

I'm not saying it's cold outside I'm just sayin my doormat just broke...

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@DocAtCDI

1 year

I don't want to brag, but I finished the jigsaw puzzle in a week and it said 2-4 years on the box.

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@DocAtCDI

3 years

It’s our wedding anniversary today. My wife and I have been happily married for two years now. 1995 and 2009.

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@DocAtCDI

3 months

If Trump wanted Hillary in prison so bad he should have given her a job in his administration...

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@DocAtCDI

3 years

McDonald's called out Order 867 and I yelled 5309 and nobody laughed then I felt old and ate my burger in the playground area...

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@DocAtCDI

4 months

The amount of people who confuse ‘to’ and ‘too’ is amazing two me.

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@DocAtCDI

3 years

Yesterday, I gave up my seat on the bus for a blind person. Today, I lost my job as a bus driver.

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@DocAtCDI

3 years

I ordered a chicken and an egg on Amazon. I’ll let you know.

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@DocAtCDI

11 months

I know I joke a lot in my tweets, but on a serious note, I need everyone to wish me luck. I have a meeting at the bank Tuesday and if it’s a success, I will be out of debt and own everything I have now. I’m so excited I can barely put on my ski mask…

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@DocAtCDI

4 years

How old were you when you realized that racecar spelled backward is racecar?

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@DocAtCDI

3 years

I ate a weed brownie last night... then cooked a pizza at 15 degrees for 400 minutes...

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@DocAtCDI

3 years

JUST A REMINDER TWITTER WILL NOT BE AVAILABLE FEB 29,30 OR 31ST

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@DocAtCDI

2 years

As a funeral director, I tie the shoe laces together of the deceased. Because if there was ever a zombie apocalypse, it would be hilarious.

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@DocAtCDI

3 years

I have a friend who was reading the exorcist, he said it was the evilest book he had ever read, he said he couldn't finish it, so he threw it in lake Michigan. On March 31st I bought a copy left it in a fish tank overnight then left it in the night table drawer by his bed...

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@DocAtCDI

3 years

Rember if you lose a sock in the dryer it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesnt fit anything

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@DocAtCDI

12 days

Someone threw a beer at Trump at one of his rallies. hes ok, it was draft beer so... He Dodged it...

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@DocAtCDI

3 years

A Pennsylvania man is suing Smart Water for not making him smart. Id like to formally announce my lawsuit against thin mints...

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@DocAtCDI

2 years

If the earth were flat, cats would have pushed everything over the edge already

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@DocAtCDI

6 months

“We will not learn to live together in peace by killing each other's children.” - Jimmy Carter

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@DocAtCDI

1 month

Since trump is not a president I am not breaking federal law like they are but I wonder how he likes this and how many people would want one if I made them :)

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@DocAtCDI

3 years

The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello.

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3 years

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2 years

I hate when I'm really hungry and the only thing in the house are ingredients

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@DocAtCDI

2 years

If 666 is all evil. Then 25.8069758 is the root of all evil.

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@DocAtCDI

4 years

If Donald Trump was the 8th Dwarf... What would his name be?

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@DocAtCDI

3 years

When it rains... My daughter is a clerk for a good sized city and the country seat in Michigan, its been a couple weeks since the end of the election, and she is fighting some pretty severe COVID symptoms. your good vibes are appreciated.

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@DocAtCDI

3 years

I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made an appointment for Tuesday.

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@DocAtCDI

3 years

A Rare Photo of how my parents supposedly got to and from school #EarthPorn

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@DocAtCDI

2 years

Company coming over, they said they would prefer it if Remo was tied... weird, but Remo is pretty accommodating...

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@DocAtCDI

3 years

it FINALLY happened...

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@DocAtCDI

3 years

ɐᴉlɐɹʇsn∀ ɯoɹɟ pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ᴉ ǝɯᴉʇ ʇsɐl ǝɥʇ sᴉ sᴉɥʇ

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@DocAtCDI

3 months

Are you old enough to remember when they just dropped off a book on EVERYONE's doorstep with the names addresses and phone numbers of EVERYONE listed in alphabetical order?

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@DocAtCDI

2 years

I don't wanna go into detail, but the Dyson ball cleaner is a very misleading product name...

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@DocAtCDI

3 years

Jaws: (Canadian Version)

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@DocAtCDI

2 years

I'm not a huge believer in voodoo or anything, but I figured what the heck it can't hurt right?

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@DocAtCDI

6 months

one of the reasons I don't really do FB anymore lol

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@DocAtCDI

1 year

Top tip:- If a telemarketer calls you, give the phone to your 3 yr old and tell them it's Santa Claus.

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@DocAtCDI

2 years

This year Halloween falls on Friday the 13th for the first time in 666 years! 😱😨👹

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@DocAtCDI

2 months

OK... Now What?

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@DocAtCDI

2 months

Steve Jobs would have made a better president than Donald Trump... But that’s comparing apples to oranges.

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@DocAtCDI

3 years

I ordered a chicken and an egg on Amazon. I’ll let you know.

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@DocAtCDI

2 years

Put up the tree today!

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@DocAtCDI

3 years

Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree. That makes it a plant. Therefore, chocolate is salad.

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@DocAtCDI

3 years

Rember if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit anything

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@DocAtCDI

4 years

I accidentally swallowed a bunch of scrabble tiles... My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster!

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@DocAtCDI

2 years

my second attempt at making a salad... cant quite figure out what I'm doing wrong here...

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@DocAtCDI

3 years

My wife and I decided we didnt want to have children. We dont know how theyll take it but we are telling them at dinner...

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@DocAtCDI

1 year

My wife just said that if I don't get off my computer and help with the dishes shes gonna slam my head on the keyboard but I think shes jokinhwnnriowenjauhuhyfewbh48943983wbedjhhfws7hg873243nbiu2q378hgfdbuifqbqwuiehguh-asdhnjqweiorijndaklajhb

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@DocAtCDI

1 year

look at this asteroid crater in Arizona... Can you belive how close it came to hitting the visitors center!!!

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@DocAtCDI

3 years

The amount of people who confuse ‘to’ and ‘too’ is amazing two me.

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