A Crime a Day @CrimeADay Twitter profile

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A Crime a Day

5 years

A book's dedication page is a great place to give credit where credit is due. Here's the dedication from How To Become a Federal Criminal, which comes out Tuesday and is available at

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

3 years

18 USC §1751(d) makes it a federal crime to conspire to kill the Vice President.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

3 years

40 USC §5104(e)(1)(B) & §5109 make it a federal crime to enter the floor of either House of Congress through the use of force and violence.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

5 years

18 USC §208(a) makes it a federal crime for an officer or employee of the executive branch to participate personally and substantially in awarding a government contract in which he has a financial interest.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

4 years

18 USC §913 makes it a federal crime to arrest someone while pretending to be a federal officer.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

5 years

18 USC §601 makes it a federal crime to directly or indirectly try to get someone contribute something of value to benefit a political candidate by threatening the denial of any benefit made possible in whole or in part by an Act of Congress.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

5 years

18 USC §1512(b) makes it a federal crime to try to corruptly persuade someone into refusing to testify in an official proceeding.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

4 years

@uckema @jbrowder1 18 USC § 1030

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

5 years

40 USC §§5109 & 5104(e)(2)(A) make it a federal crime to enter or remain on the floor of either House of Congress without authorization from that House.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

4 years

40 USC §§6134 & 6137(a) make it a federal crime to utter threatening language on the grounds of the Supreme Court.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

3 years

You just hold down the & on your iPhone keyboard and it makes the §.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

4 years

This has nothing to do with Ben Shapiro or Cardi B, but 7 USC §2149(d) & 9 CFR §3.19(b)(2) make it a federal crime not to keep a cat dry while the cat is being transported.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

5 years

Sorry for slower responses today. The cell service in this SCIF is terrible.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

3 years

7 USC §§8303, 8313 & 9 CFR §93.101(f)(1)(ii) make it a federal crime for a performing chicken to come back to the United States from Mexico without a health certificate from a veterinarian.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

5 years

Here at @CrimeADay , we don't usually take requests, but... 18 USC §1505 makes it a federal crime to use a threatening letter or communication to influence, obstruct, or impede an inquiry or investigation being conducted by a Congressional committee.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

5 years

For when it drops, keep this @CrimeADay Redaction Key handy to help spot the ten most likely crimes to be redacted from the Mueller Report.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

3 years

For today’s crime I will just be gesturing generally in the direction of Washington, DC.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

3 years

18 USC §201(b)(1)(A) makes it a federal crime to corruptly give something of value to a public official, directly or indirectly, in order to influence an official act.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

5 years

If you see something, say something.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

4 years

21 USC §§331(a), 333 & 352(n)(3) make it a federal crime to advertise a drug without explaining the situations in which you shouldn’t take it.

Elon Musk

@elonmusk

4 years

Take the red pill 🌹

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

1 year

16 USC §718, 707(a) & 50 CFR §91.14 make it a federal crime to enter a design in the Federal Duck Stamp contest if waterfowl are not the dominant feature of the design.

Travis Chapman

@Travispaints

1 year

My entry to the federal duck stamp art contest did not win.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

5 years

Can you shoot me the citation for that one?

Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump

5 years

Congressman Adam Schiff should resign for the Crime of, after reading a transcript of my conversation with the President of Ukraine (it was perfect), fraudulently fabricating a statement of the President of the United States and reading it to Congress, as though mine! He is sick!

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

5 years

That feeling when you were just born and @CrimeADay is your dad.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

4 years

18 USC §954 makes it a federal crime to lie under oath about a controversy between a foreign government and the United States, knowing the lie may be used to influence action by the United States.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

5 years

This is what you want.

A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

10 years

18 U.S.C. §2074 makes it a crime to issue a counterfeit weather forecast, claiming that it was issued by the Weather Bureau.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

4 years

This Twitter feed shouldn’t exist.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

4 years

16 USC §§1372(a)(3), 1375 & 1362(6) make it a federal crime to possess a narwhal tusk, but not if it's for "enhancing the survival of a species."

London Bridge hero used Narwhal tusk to help stop attacker

The unidentified man can be seen on footage of the stabbing Friday in London hovering over the suspect with the massive tusk as others attempt to disarm the assailant.

nypost.com

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

4 years

18 USC §1701 makes it a federal crime to obstruct the passage of mail.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

4 years

Under 7 C.F.R. § 51.1577, Obamagate must be larger than 2 ¼ inches in diameter not to be considered “small potatoes.” It would then be medium potatoes.

Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump

4 years

OBAMAGATE MAKES WATERGATE LOOK LIKE SMALL POTATOES!

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

5 years

Have a safe Fourth of July, America.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

4 years

Honestly, just do whatever. It doesn’t matter anymore.

A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

6 years

21 USC §§331, 333, 343 & 21 CFR §101.17(a)(1) make it a federal crime to sell food in a spray can without warning consumers to try and avoid spraying the food in their eyes.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

4 years

Today, @CrimeADay has officially tweeted one federal crime every day for six years. At this blistering pace, I expect to be able to tell the federal government how many crimes they've created in only about 828 more years.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

4 years

40 USC §§5109 & 5104(e)(1)(A)(ii) make it a federal crime to discharge explosives in any of the Capitol Buildings.

Andrew Lawrence

@ndrew_lawrence

4 years

OMFG SOUND ON

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

5 years

Well, not without filing the appropriate forms first. 15 USC §330d & 15 CFR §908.3(a)(6) make it a federal crime to try to change the weather using explosives without filing an initial report at least 10 days before bombing the atmosphere.

Hillary Clinton

@HillaryClinton

5 years

We should not nuke hurricanes.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

6 years

52 USC §30109(d)(1)(A)(i) & §30118(a) make it a federal crime to knowingly and willfully violate federal campaign finance law by causing a corporation to make a contribution of more than $25,000 to a presidential campaign.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

5 years

Nice try, Jacob Wohl, but I already have tomorrow’s crime planned.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

4 years

No. What? No.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

5 years

To clear up the "shooting a fish from an airplane" vs. "shooting a fish from an airplane" confusion:

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

5 years

The Whaling Convention Act, in 16 USC §§916(j), 916c(a) & 916f, makes it a federal crime to ... you know what, never mind.

John McAfee

@officialmcafee

5 years

Enough of the "Whale Fucking is non-consensual" bullshit. A Humpback Whale weighs 70,000 pounds, is fifty feet long, can dive more than a quarter mile and can crush ships with a single swipe of its tail. If a human manages to fuck one, you damn well better believe it's consensual

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

4 years

18 USC §1705 makes it a federal crime to maliciously tear down a mailbox.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

5 years

26 USC §5301, §5606 & 27 CFR §5.46 make it a federal crime to sell liquor in misleading containers.

The Glenlivet

@TheGlenlivet

5 years

No ice. No stirrer. No glass. We're redefining how whisky can be enjoyed. Introducing The Glenlivet Capsule Collection #noglassrequired

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

5 years

18 USC §875(d) makes it a federal crime to try to extort someone by sending them an interstate communication threatening to injure their reputation.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

3 years

18 USC §2383 makes it a federal crime to assist in a rebellion against the United States.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

5 years

16 USC §551, 36 CFR §261.58(j) & Order #17 -018 make it a federal crime to be publicly nude in the Allegheny National Forest, but not if you have a nudity permit or you're naked in the course of official firefighting duties.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

4 years

15 USC §§§78ff, 78j & 17 CFR §240.10b5-2 make it a federal crime to willfully buy or sell securities on the basis of material nonpublic information misappropriated in breach of a duty of trust or confidence.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

6 years

18 USC §954 makes it a federal crime to lie under oath in relation to a controversy between a foreign government and the United States, knowing the lie may be used to influence the foreign government's conduct and injure the United States.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

3 years

something makes it a federal crime to something something something.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

6 years

18 USC §1716(c) & USPS Publication 52 §§526.5 make it a federal crime to mail live scorpions unless they're in a box that's clearly marked "Live Scorpions" and that box is inside yet another box that also says "Live Scorpions."

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

7 years

18 USC §2101(a)(3) makes it a federal crime to travel to another state to commit an act of violence in furtherance of a riot.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

4 years

What if I told you there are more than 70 armed federal agencies authorized to make arrests?

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

4 years

@uckema Love you too.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

4 years

Relax. Of course the federal government doesn’t have “absolute power.” Just enough to throw you in prison for selling a frozen cherry tart that’s bigger than 4” in diameter and thousands of other things.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

3 years

21 USC §§331, 333, 342 & 21 CFR §§110.110 make it a federal crime to sell canned spinach with caterpillars in it if the caterpillars' total aggregate length is more than 12mm. That could be three 4mm caterpillars, two 6mm caterpillars, or one very hungry caterpillar.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

4 years

18 USC §242 makes it a federal crime for a person acting under color of law to deprive someone of any right protected by the Constitution, punishable by a fine, up to life imprisonment, or death, if the victim dies.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

2 years

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

3 years

Today marks seven years of @CrimeADay tweeting one federal crime every day. The progress toward tweeting them all is really breathtaking.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

5 years

40 USC §6307 & 36 CFR §520.4(e) make it a federal crime to cross a moat at the national zoo.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

3 years

18 USC §2422(a) makes it a federal crime to entice someone to travel in interstate or foreign commerce to engage in sexual activity for which a person could be criminally charged.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

3 years

We are currently experiencing higher-than-normal call-volumes.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

4 years

18 USC §2385 makes it a federal crime to join an assembly of people encouraging the forcible overthrow of a state government or the government of any political subdivision therein.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

3 years

18 USC §960 makes it a federal crime to take part in a military expedition against the dominion of a foreign prince with whom the United States is at peace.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

6 years

47 USC §502 & 47 CFR §95.933(f) make it a federal crime to knowingly and willfully transmit audio by CB radio in order to amuse or entertain. RIP Bandit.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

4 years

42 USC §6928 & 40 CFR §257.3–8(b) make it a federal crime to start a dangerous garbage fire.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

3 years

The U.S. House of Representatives is trying to kill me.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

2 years

Please take a moment to familiarize yourself with federal giblet law.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

5 years

Just gonna go ahead and pin this one for a bit.

A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

10 years

Weekend Classic:18 U.S.C. §1001 makes it a crime to make a false statement in "any matter within the jurisdiction of" the federal government

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

3 years

18 USC §641 makes it a federal crime to steal government property.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

4 years

Congress, please pass a Titicaca Scrotum Frog Protection Act. Please. I’ve been so good. Please.

New York Post

@nypost

4 years

'Scrotum frog' is essential to Lake Titicaca region and must be saved, experts say

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@CrimeADay

6 years

5 USC App. 4 §§101(a), (f)(1), 102(a)(4) & 104(a)(2)(B) make it a federal crime for the president to knowingly and willfully file a financial disclosure that fails to report a liability of more than $10,000 owed to a creditor.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

5 years

40 USC §§5109(b) & 5104(e)(2)(C) make it a federal crime for a group of people to enter a room being used by a congressional committee in any of the Capitol Buildings in order to disrupt the committee's business. ... but not if you're a member of Congress.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

6 years

Today, @CrimeADay has tweeted a federal crime every day for four years. Happy to say, the project is still on track:

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

5 years

16 USC §742j-1(a)(1) makes it a federal crime to shoot a fish from an airplane.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

3 years

please don't make me do more than one day of securities crimes.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

4 years

21 USC §§331, 333, 21 CFR §73.2150(c) & 21 CFR §70.25(c) make it a federal crime to sell the sunless tanner dihydroxyacetone without warning people not use it near their eyes.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

3 years

18 USC §1464 makes it a federal crime to utter profanity on a broadcast. Norm, however, made it hilarious.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

4 years

21 USC §§331, 333, 352 & 21 CFR §1040.20(e)(2)(ii) make it a federal crime to sell an ultraviolet lamp without warnings that the instructions should be followed to avoid potential injury.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

5 years

Mitt Romney also runs this account.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

4 years

Wait a second...

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

4 years

So, don’t vote twice.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

5 years

15 USC §§330a, 330d, 15 CFR §§908.10 & 908.21 make it a federal crime to willfully try to change the weather without submitting the correct forms.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

4 years

26 USC §7213(a)(4) makes it a federal crime to offer money or something else of value in order to get someone's tax return information.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

4 years

Just don't do anything tomorrow that makes my tweet be about you.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

3 years

One time, a U.S. Attorney's Office official twitter account followed this account and quickly unfollowed it seconds later. I still think about that sometimes.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

3 years

18 USC §1696 makes it a federal crime for a non-postman to... No, I mean 16 USC §707 makes it a federal crime for a migratory bird to... No. Wait. I don’t know.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

4 years

21 USC §331, 333, 343 & 21 CFR §150.160(b)(2) make it a federal crime to sell jam made from a combination of more than five fruits.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

4 years

This might be Obamagate.

A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

7 years

7 USC §1011(f) & 36 CFR §261.7(c) make it a federal crime to open a gate in a national forest without closing the gate that you just opened.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

6 years

18 USC §1038(a) & §2332a make it a federal crime to falsely indicate that the United States is being attacked with a weapon of mass destruction.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

3 years

16 USC §1375(b), 50 CFR §§18.3 & 18.13(b) make it a federal crime to have a walrus in your possession.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

5 years

21 USC §§331, 333, & 342(a)(2)(C)(3) make it a federal crime to introduce any food into interstate commerce that consists of a filthy, putrid, or decomposed substance, or is otherwise unfit for food.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

4 years

Because diced pineapples is trending, this is just a friendly reminder that 21 USC §333 & 21 CFR §145.180(a)(2)(viii) make it a federal crime to sell diced pineapples in a can unless they are reasonably uniform cube-shaped pieces.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

4 years

I’m getting the feeling that some of you in American politics aren’t following this account.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

5 years

In light of Attorney General Barr's announcement that his redactions to the Mueller Report will be color-coded, @CrimeADay is re-issuing the Redaction Key.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

5 years

This account was hacked more than five years ago and someone has been tweeting federal crimes from it everyday since.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

5 years

Virginia Code § 18.2-422 makes it a crime in Virginia to conceal your identity by wearing a hood, mask, or other device that covers your face in public, but not if it’s a traditional holiday costume.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

4 years

18 USC §1513(e) makes it a federal crime to interfere with someone's employment or livelihood as retaliation for them providing law enforcement with truthful information relating to the commission or possible commission of any federal offense.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

5 years

46 USC §56102(a)(4) makes it a crime to agree to build a boat for a non-citizen during a national emergency declared by the President, unless you agree you won't start building the boat until the national emergency is over or the Secretary of Transportation gives you permission.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

4 years

The PAW Patrol is not a federal agency and its jurisdiction is limited to Adventure Bay.

A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

5 years

18 USC §1368 makes it a federal crime to try to harm a dog employed by a federal law enforcement agency.

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@CrimeADay

4 years

18 USC §594 makes it a federal crime to threaten people into not voting in a federal election.

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@CrimeADay

5 years

16 USC §707 & 50 CFR §21.29(d)(7)(iv) make it a federal crime for a non-falconer who's temporarily caring for a falconer's falcon to fly the falcon for any reason.

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A Crime a Day

@CrimeADay

5 years

18 USC §2(a) & 52 USC §30109(d)(1)(A) make it a federal crime to command, induce, or procure an illegal campaign expenditure in a federal election.

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