Ochungulu Family wakitoa ngoma ya "Twa Twa" Niko na lyrics za Nelly The Goon tayari:
"Nimetoka over seas yaani tour tour,
Ndio nime land, nime Tua Tua,
Kadem kakijipa naka Twa Twa... 🎶 "
High school ulikuwa unadanganya mzazi ati mnaenda academic trip ya kiswahili kuona Wala Bin Wala, anatuma pesa unaweka kwa box, una join CU kusifu mungu vile ametenda maajabu, unarudi dormitory unapata box yako imepigwa katikati hadi ikafunguka kama milango za Lamborghini 😩
Nimewai pewa notice na landlord nihame, nika tuma beshte yangu aende alipe deposit na rent juu sikutaka kuhama. Siku ya kuhama tukaweka vitu kwa pick up tukapiga nazo raundi tukingoja landlord apige arif tour ya mansion then tukarudisha vitu kama new tenants 😏
Nimerudishiwa 20bob mpya kama change, nimeiweka na noti ya 1K ndio isikuwe lonely... Sai hiyo ndovu ya 20bob inaambia hiyo ndovu ya 1sausands "When I grow up, I want to be like you" 😭😭😭🙏
Nimekumbuka trip ya class six ya kuenda Hell's Gate Nakuru, nilikua nimekalia side ya two seater na dem. Mtoto alinikulisha biscuits, crips na juice ya Bibo kutoka Nairobi hadi Nakuru. Grace wherever you are, I hope bado we huwa na moyo ya kupeana 😩
Kuna mtu mahali sai anapiga route 11 kuenda kutafta kazi yenye ina-require 2 years working experience, experience ako nayo ni ya kufanya kazi ya kutafta kazi... I hope leo ndio atakuwa considered 🙏
Hii Kenya iko designed in a way that youth akimaliza campo anashinda amevaa suti from Monday to Monday aki tarmac na bahasha ya A4 akienda interview after interview akitafta kazi... Uhuru akiwa kwa presidential motorcade aone vile mume dunga suti anajua economy iko sawa 😏
Kuna day nimesimamisha hawker flani wa kuuza keki ni buy moja but nlikua na 1sausands, raiya akaniachia ndoo atafte change... Kitu najaribu kusema ni ati nimewai buy ndoo iko na keki tano ndani za fifty Bob at 1K coz mwenye kuuza hakuwai rudi 😢
Kuna raiya mahali ame amka in his boxers to cook breakfast for your girl coz "Sex was so good it sent him to the kitchen"
Now your girl is weighing her option coz akikuja kwako unamu amsha 5 asubuhi kama Jogoo 😩
Kama uko na place ya kulala na unajifunika duvet shukuru Mungu wako manze, kuna chokosh mahali sai anajifunika ngumi alafu amevuta glue ndio ashike usingizi... Manze hao wasee huumia 😢
Kuna time nikiishi kwa bro nilipata akipea mama flani manguo nikajua ni mama fua, nika sneak nguo zangu zifuliwe pia. Shida ilikuwa moja, kumbe hakuwa mama fua... Alikuwa mama wa children's home na bro alikuwa ana donate nguo 😏
Time ka hii ndio utakuwa umekaa kwa balcony una enjoy mshahara yako pole pole alafu mtoto anatoka boarding anakupea report card unagundua kitu amepita ni gate ya shule akikuja nyumbani... Then unakumbuka the apple doesn't fall far from the tree unachoka 😏
There was a time nlikuwa na wish mtoto wa mtu "Good night, sleep tight" siku hizi na switch off data, na plug in simu kwa charger, naingia kwa duvet nang'orota hata huwezi jua nimewai ambia mtu "I can't live without you" but si ni life 😩
Nyinyi watu mnafaa mutembe huku nje mu absorb greatness 😂😂😂 msee wa mkokoteni ameambia wamathe wako mbele yake, "Fanyeni vile nyi hufanya maji ya ugali ikichemka... Songa" 😏
Mi tangu niende kwa dem bila warning nikapata raiya imejiseti kwa bed ya 4 by 6 na short na vest na laptop yangu kwa kifua akiona movie zangu sijawai enda kutembelea dem tena bila appointment... Hata kwangu dem akini tembelea na niende choo, mi hu knock kwanza ndio niingie 😩
Pastor alisema "Your currently writing your own eulogy, make it interesting" and I felt that shit... Yangu sai iko kwa "Marehemu alikuwa anashinda kwa simu" 😩
Mimi kwanza nachukia hawa madem wa "Beb, guess what?" lol, ningekuwa najua ku guess ningepata "A" kwa KCSE niende campo... Mna fanya relationship inakaa KNEC exam no wonder kitu mnapata tu ni D 😩
Dem yako amewai katiwa in your presence? Fungua roho
Mimi nikiwa fresher third year amewai approach dem yangu, akamkatia nikiwa hapo. Nilitaka kutupa ngumi but the guy was huge, nilisimama kando ya dem kama apostrophe lakini msee hakuona kama naweza possess huyo dem 😩
Hakuna pesa huwa tamu ku spend kama zenye umeokota, kuna day nikiwa high school nimeokota 200bob dormitory nikanunulia daro mzima mandazi except maadui ofcos... Kumbe ilikuwa fare yangu yenye nili save kwa set ilikuwa imeanguka 😏
Leo nimekula mutura ya 50bob ya free, nimepata wasee wame surround chopping board waki discuss tactical approach ya Recce squad in combating terrorist... Nikachangia nikikula na hata sijui hao wasee. Hii unity ikiendelea hivi hadi mwisho wa mwezi niko sorted 😏
Pipe ya bunsen burner hapo high school ilifanya hadi sai bado nakumbuka Osmosis is the diffusion of water molecules, from a region of higher concentration to a region of lower concentration, through a semi permeable membrane. Enyewe fear can move mountains 😏
Mimi watoto wangu waki join social media nta make sure nimewa follow alafu na turn on notification, ana post kitu pap! Mtu wa kwanza ku reply ni mimi, "I hope mitungi zote kwa balcony ziko na maji?" wakini-block nawatuma ushago wakae na nyanya yao 😏
Ikabidi nime prove ni kwangu, nikamsho chumvi iko kwa mkebe ya coco, Sukari iko kwa mkebe ya milo, pegs ziko kwa mkebe ya omo, cd ziko kwa box ya ketepa, mafuta ya taa iko kwa chupa ya Jack Daniels.
Me as an Enumerator in my crush's house:
"Uko na bwana? Na boyfriend? Kwa hivyo hauna mtu? Umesema number yako ni...? Lazma upeane number coz watu wa headquarters watakupigia wakuambie wewe ni number ngapi kwa census"
Kuna youth mahali ame amka still broke and jobless but ako optimistic hii wiki itakuja na baraka zake coz Ngina Kenyatta speaks for us... Pray for that youth 🙏
Ukilipa rent on time unaweza washa jiko upikie nyama nje bila wasiwasi, unaweza hata enda kuona news kwa nyumba ya landlord ukimpea advice vile anaweza renovate hizo nyumba alafu aongeze rent 😏
Ati wakikuyu ndio wana work hard in Kenya? Lol, niambie tribe gani ingine iko na nguvu na time ya kuhamisha vitu zao from Nairobi to ushago everytime there's a holiday kama waluyha, I'll wait 😭
Ex wangu ako Area, I was Width her jana and we talked at Length... Ame-Triangle zote kuni
win back but nilimsho akae square coz sifanyi kazi kwa SACCO ya mapenzi 😏
Nimewai futwa kazi before hata nianze kuifanya. Arif amewai ni connect na job wakaitikia naeza kuja, alafu a day before ni report to work arif akakosana na supervisor wake waka-throw hands. Raiya akakuwa fired na wakamsho "Ambia huyo Kijana wako hata asikuje kesho" 😢
High school on Friday siku ya parade kila mtu alikuwa anaimba national anthem stanza ya kwanza na energy alafu inafika ya pili na ya tatu tunaachia walimu, scouts na wakisii wa SDA watuimbie sisi tuki lip sync 😏
Ni ile siku madem huwa na a hard time deciding kama wata hang out na skinny niggaz wakunywe tap water na weed accompanied with fire strokes ama waendee buff niggaz with a fat wallet but with sloppy strokes... Decisions decisions 😩
Some of us just want to order ugali matumbo while out on a date but this first impressions be making us eat fries and soda ni kama watoto wako funky za drama festival 😩
Ukitaka kujua kama dem ako serious na wewe ngoja apigiwe simu akiwa kwako alafu aulizwe mahali ako, hapo ndio unajua kama uko semi finals ama bado uko group stages. Kwako anasema "Niko kwa beshte yangu" na kuna mahali yeye husema "Niko kwa chali yangu" 😏
Kuwa handsome huwa na challenges, nakumbuka madam alikuwa anatufunza Math high school alikuwa anashinda ameniandikia "See me" kila saa, hadi kuna day ameniandikia "Pull up your socks" kuangalia chini napata socks zimeteremka na miguu zimeparara... She really cared for me 😩
Mtoto kama hana ID then huyo hana IDea, achana na yeye! Usimdunge penisillin mdunge pencil, usimu-wish safe sex mu-wish success, mpatie mtihani afanye sio mti honey… these are my two cents I hope they make sense.
Octopizzo ameingilia idlers na sisi ndio huskiza ngoma zake, anadhani mtu ako normal, stable na familia anaeza waste time kumskiza... Hao ni heri wanunue Aluminium foil ii wRap present za watoto wao than kuskiza Octo aki Rap 😏
Naambia watoto wangu "I used to support Man Utd during Sir Alex Ferguson's time then I took a break from being a fanatic to focus on finding you a suitable mother" siwezi taka wajue their father suffered from depression when I'm supposed to be the OG of the family 😩
High school first week watu walikuwa na maringo, mtu ana serve githeri anaweka blueband, royco na tomato sauce ndio isi taste poverty na kama ni mchele anaweka coco ndio ikuwe na impression ya pilau... Alafu week 3 hao ndio wanajitolea kutumwa canteen ndio wachuniwe mandazi 😏