Billy The GOAT @Crazy_Nairobian Twitter profile

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

6 years

Ni heri ukule karo ya shule kuliko kukula Caro wa shule… THREAD.

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

4 years

Ochungulu Family wakitoa ngoma ya "Twa Twa" Niko na lyrics za Nelly The Goon tayari: "Nimetoka over seas yaani tour tour, Ndio nime land, nime Tua Tua, Kadem kakijipa naka Twa Twa... 🎶 "

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

4 years

Like an egg? You mean get laid? Coz that's where I cum in 🙈😍😍👌

UZOAMAKA 💓💓🇩🇴

@jennygodswill

4 years

I deserve to be treated like an egg 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

4 years

Never disrespect your mum... NEVER.

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

4 years

Uko na shoe rack ama nyumba yako ni msikiti? 🤔

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Speaking of hair, nani hukubomoa weekends? 😍😍😍👌

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Congratulations Diana, can I book a doctor's appointment so that it can be Justus two ✌️? I need to donate my heart 😍😍😍👌

The Wandering Doctor

@diana_justus

5 years

Officially Dr.Justus Diana✨✨

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Half Kikuyu half Irish, you're a true definition of Irish potato 🥔

NJAMBI

@njambi_juice

5 years

SWAHILI!!!!

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

4 years

Zile chemicals tumekula hii Kenya, naona tukizaa Powerpuff girls very soon 😩

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Karibu nidhani ume underline forehead 😂😂

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

4 years

Hii picha umepigwa na simu ama butwa? 😭😭

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

You might be Silver but you look bronzed AF 😍😍😍👌 Speaking of metals, Unaweza kuwa unadai chuma? 🙈🙈🙈

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

High school ulikuwa unadanganya mzazi ati mnaenda academic trip ya kiswahili kuona Wala Bin Wala, anatuma pesa unaweka kwa box, una join CU kusifu mungu vile ametenda maajabu, unarudi dormitory unapata box yako imepigwa katikati hadi ikafunguka kama milango za Lamborghini 😩

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Sisi ni wale huenda bash ndio chakula i...

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Nyashinski amewaacha mumebaki na choices mbili, Ringtone ama sisi... I love this suspense 😭😭

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Nimekumbuka niliambiwa nakula chakula ya 50bob na niko na 70K followers and it got me thinking, nikule follower mgani leo? 🤔

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Nimewai pewa notice na landlord nihame, nika tuma beshte yangu aende alipe deposit na rent juu sikutaka kuhama. Siku ya kuhama tukaweka vitu kwa pick up tukapiga nazo raundi tukingoja landlord apige arif tour ya mansion then tukarudisha vitu kama new tenants 😏

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Nimerudishiwa 20bob mpya kama change, nimeiweka na noti ya 1K ndio isikuwe lonely... Sai hiyo ndovu ya 20bob inaambia hiyo ndovu ya 1sausands "When I grow up, I want to be like you" 😭😭😭🙏

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

When you're a lawyer looking like this, you can catch a case. By the way, if I'm guilty of falling for you, chances za kulala ndani ziko aje? 😍😍😍👌

Miss Etemesi🦋

@Lynetemesi

5 years

Just being a lawyer and looking good while at it...

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Nimekumbuka trip ya class six ya kuenda Hell's Gate Nakuru, nilikua nimekalia side ya two seater na dem. Mtoto alinikulisha biscuits, crips na juice ya Bibo kutoka Nairobi hadi Nakuru. Grace wherever you are, I hope bado we huwa na moyo ya kupeana 😩

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Wueh! Tweet yangu iko kwa Nisso... Mama I made it 😭😭😭🙏

James Shisiah

@HackinRoms

5 years

@Crazy_Nairobian lines doing rounds

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

4 years

Unaenda kwa Bahati kuomba chumvi ama kiberiti the next thing you know... Uko kwa the next episode ya Bahati Reality 😏

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

4 years

Kuna mtu mahali sai anapiga route 11 kuenda kutafta kazi yenye ina-require 2 years working experience, experience ako nayo ni ya kufanya kazi ya kutafta kazi... I hope leo ndio atakuwa considered 🙏

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Can't wait to get a car with the license plates reading KFC coz I'll only be carrying chics 😎

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

I'll be disappointed if Amos Wako didn't introduce himself to his wife like, "Unaweza niita Amos ama unaweza niita Wako" 😏

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

4 years

Hii Kenya iko designed in a way that youth akimaliza campo anashinda amevaa suti from Monday to Monday aki tarmac na bahasha ya A4 akienda interview after interview akitafta kazi... Uhuru akiwa kwa presidential motorcade aone vile mume dunga suti anajua economy iko sawa 😏

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Uki miss exit hapo Thika superhighway...

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

4 years

I know you're not alcohol but lemmi take my shot... Naweza ku a-Liquor kwangu? 🙈😍😍👌

JANE KYALO

@Jane_FKyalo

4 years

What plans do we have for the weekend? 🤭

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

4 years

Ukitoa sehemu nyeti, pombe, weed na kunyanduana kwa lyrics za Gengetone unabaki na beats pekee na jina ya producer 😩

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

This guy is underrated 😂😂😂

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Kuna day nimesimamisha hawker flani wa kuuza keki ni buy moja but nlikua na 1sausands, raiya akaniachia ndoo atafte change... Kitu najaribu kusema ni ati nimewai buy ndoo iko na keki tano ndani za fifty Bob at 1K coz mwenye kuuza hakuwai rudi 😢

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Fuck the bank, De Gea can save my money 😭😭😭🙏

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

4 years

Kuna raiya mahali ame amka in his boxers to cook breakfast for your girl coz "Sex was so good it sent him to the kitchen" Now your girl is weighing her option coz akikuja kwako unamu amsha 5 asubuhi kama Jogoo 😩

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

4 years

Billy The KID Billy The GOAT

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Kama uko na place ya kulala na unajifunika duvet shukuru Mungu wako manze, kuna chokosh mahali sai anajifunika ngumi alafu amevuta glue ndio ashike usingizi... Manze hao wasee huumia 😢

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Kuna time nikiishi kwa bro nilipata akipea mama flani manguo nikajua ni mama fua, nika sneak nguo zangu zifuliwe pia. Shida ilikuwa moja, kumbe hakuwa mama fua... Alikuwa mama wa children's home na bro alikuwa ana donate nguo 😏

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

4 years

Nyashinski hajatoka honeymoon aingie Studio? Women are trash 😩

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Speaking of birthdays, It's ironic how you're the one turning twenty but ukibaki in your birthday suit ni mimi ndio nta-mbao 😍😍😍👌

💛

@cindymoraaa

5 years

20🤩

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Time ka hii ndio utakuwa umekaa kwa balcony una enjoy mshahara yako pole pole alafu mtoto anatoka boarding anakupea report card unagundua kitu amepita ni gate ya shule akikuja nyumbani... Then unakumbuka the apple doesn't fall far from the tree unachoka 😏

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

There was a time nlikuwa na wish mtoto wa mtu "Good night, sleep tight" siku hizi na switch off data, na plug in simu kwa charger, naingia kwa duvet nang'orota hata huwezi jua nimewai ambia mtu "I can't live without you" but si ni life 😩

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Usiwai dharau mtu in life... Cheki hii 👇🤔😏

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

6 years

Nyinyi watu mnafaa mutembe huku nje mu absorb greatness 😂😂😂 msee wa mkokoteni ameambia wamathe wako mbele yake, "Fanyeni vile nyi hufanya maji ya ugali ikichemka... Songa" 😏

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

4 years

Kuna watu huamka kila asubuhi kuwa madaktari kwa chats "How are you? Ulilala poa?" I hope this career pays you 😩

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Mi tangu niende kwa dem bila warning nikapata raiya imejiseti kwa bed ya 4 by 6 na short na vest na laptop yangu kwa kifua akiona movie zangu sijawai enda kutembelea dem tena bila appointment... Hata kwangu dem akini tembelea na niende choo, mi hu knock kwanza ndio niingie 😩

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Flow umebaki nayo ni ya kunyesha tu 😭😭

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

4 years

Pastor alisema "Your currently writing your own eulogy, make it interesting" and I felt that shit... Yangu sai iko kwa "Marehemu alikuwa anashinda kwa simu" 😩

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Mimi kwanza nachukia hawa madem wa "Beb, guess what?" lol, ningekuwa najua ku guess ningepata "A" kwa KCSE niende campo... Mna fanya relationship inakaa KNEC exam no wonder kitu mnapata tu ni D 😩

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

New niggaz kwa relationship sai wametextiwa "How was your day?" wanafikiria vile wata come up na a fancy synopsis ya events za leo.

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

4 years

Dem yako amewai katiwa in your presence? Fungua roho Mimi nikiwa fresher third year amewai approach dem yangu, akamkatia nikiwa hapo. Nilitaka kutupa ngumi but the guy was huge, nilisimama kando ya dem kama apostrophe lakini msee hakuona kama naweza possess huyo dem 😩

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Vera Sidika is now on Night Mode 🌃

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Hakuna pesa huwa tamu ku spend kama zenye umeokota, kuna day nikiwa high school nimeokota 200bob dormitory nikanunulia daro mzima mandazi except maadui ofcos... Kumbe ilikuwa fare yangu yenye nili save kwa set ilikuwa imeanguka 😏

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Leo nimekula mutura ya 50bob ya free, nimepata wasee wame surround chopping board waki discuss tactical approach ya Recce squad in combating terrorist... Nikachangia nikikula na hata sijui hao wasee. Hii unity ikiendelea hivi hadi mwisho wa mwezi niko sorted 😏

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Kama kuna matope mimi hupanguza viatu kwa door mat ya jirani alafu naingia kwangu... Atleast yeye ako na bibi wa kufua 😩

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

3 years

Guess who's back...

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Pipe ya bunsen burner hapo high school ilifanya hadi sai bado nakumbuka Osmosis is the diffusion of water molecules, from a region of higher concentration to a region of lower concentration, through a semi permeable membrane. Enyewe fear can move mountains 😏

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Mimi watoto wangu waki join social media nta make sure nimewa follow alafu na turn on notification, ana post kitu pap! Mtu wa kwanza ku reply ni mimi, "I hope mitungi zote kwa balcony ziko na maji?" wakini-block nawatuma ushago wakae na nyanya yao 😏

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Watoto wamefunga shule sasa beardless niggaz tunaweza rudi kunyolewa na 30 bob kama watoto wenzetu 😩

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

6 years

Ikabidi nime prove ni kwangu, nikamsho chumvi iko kwa mkebe ya coco, Sukari iko kwa mkebe ya milo, pegs ziko kwa mkebe ya omo, cd ziko kwa box ya ketepa, mafuta ya taa iko kwa chupa ya Jack Daniels.

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Welcome to my gallery, I don't know if you like Christians but consider your pic... Saved 😍😍😍

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

4 years

"Honey, what's for breakfast" Sho Madjozi: Tea, tea, tea... Titititii

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Me as an Enumerator in my crush's house: "Uko na bwana? Na boyfriend? Kwa hivyo hauna mtu? Umesema number yako ni...? Lazma upeane number coz watu wa headquarters watakupigia wakuambie wewe ni number ngapi kwa census"

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

4 years

Kuna youth mahali ame amka still broke and jobless but ako optimistic hii wiki itakuja na baraka zake coz Ngina Kenyatta speaks for us... Pray for that youth 🙏

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

4 years

Nilianika nguo zangu karibu na nguo za crush wangu ndio zi "hang out" together... So romantic 😍

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Imebaki mtu mmoja sasa... I'm so emotional rn 😭😭😭 🙏 Wacha niandike speech #BillyAt100K

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

4 years

Kumbe huwa mnani chocha, huyo dem ameni zima faster kushinda birthday candles 😭😭😭

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Arsenal Arsena Arsen Arse Ars Ar A Aa Aa T Aa Ta Aa Tan Aa Tani Aa Taniu Aa Taniua!! 😂😂😂👌

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

I'm Billy and I'm a vegetarian, ikikuja kwa mboga za ku-sukuma wiki mi hu prefer kula wa-Kale 😍😍😍👌

Leyla.

@minsarichebet

5 years

Naitwa Chebet. Na wewe?

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Sijui niingie NYS kama Waiguru ndio ni Ann a living? 🤔

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Ukilipa rent on time unaweza washa jiko upikie nyama nje bila wasiwasi, unaweza hata enda kuona news kwa nyumba ya landlord ukimpea advice vile anaweza renovate hizo nyumba alafu aongeze rent 😏

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Pia watu wa iPhone waliamka kuibia Safaricom bundles, lol, peasant in disguise 😩

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Alafu kuna raiya kitombi atasahau aulize Enumerator mdem, "Utaenda na hii giza?" 😩

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

6 years

Acha nilale ndio kesho niamke kama nyuki... asali as possible 😏

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Ati wakikuyu ndio wana work hard in Kenya? Lol, niambie tribe gani ingine iko na nguvu na time ya kuhamisha vitu zao from Nairobi to ushago everytime there's a holiday kama waluyha, I'll wait 😭

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Kenya is at 55, a few more years and it will finally get a job in the government 😏

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

"So the guy pulls down his pants and I realize the only thing that has inches in his house... Ni TV"

Bambi 💋

@Lencer_B

5 years

Ebu guess Hii udaku napewa😩

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Ex wangu ako Area, I was Width her jana and we talked at Length... Ame-Triangle zote kuni win back but nilimsho akae square coz sifanyi kazi kwa SACCO ya mapenzi 😏

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Uzuri ya kuwa handsome hauhitaji kioo kujua uko poa, unatoka tu nje madem wana faint 😏

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

4 years

Skinny niggaz hatuendangi gym juu tayari tumebeba chuma, ni kutu tu tumebakisha kutoa 😩

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

6 years

Hapa stage kuna jamaa ameambiwa, "Hata mistari zako zikuwe na piriton aje, siwezi lala na wewe..." 😏

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

4 years

Nimewai futwa kazi before hata nianze kuifanya. Arif amewai ni connect na job wakaitikia naeza kuja, alafu a day before ni report to work arif akakosana na supervisor wake waka-throw hands. Raiya akakuwa fired na wakamsho "Ambia huyo Kijana wako hata asikuje kesho" 😢

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

High school on Friday siku ya parade kila mtu alikuwa anaimba national anthem stanza ya kwanza na energy alafu inafika ya pili na ya tatu tunaachia walimu, scouts na wakisii wa SDA watuimbie sisi tuki lip sync 😏

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Nilikuwa nashanga mbona wazazi wetu huambia madem wamevaa dress ziko na slit "Umevaa kama malaya" kumbe ni juu past tense ya slit ni slut 😩

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Ni ile siku madem huwa na a hard time deciding kama wata hang out na skinny niggaz wakunywe tap water na weed accompanied with fire strokes ama waendee buff niggaz with a fat wallet but with sloppy strokes... Decisions decisions 😩

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Some of us just want to order ugali matumbo while out on a date but this first impressions be making us eat fries and soda ni kama watoto wako funky za drama festival 😩

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Ukitaka kujua kama dem ako serious na wewe ngoja apigiwe simu akiwa kwako alafu aulizwe mahali ako, hapo ndio unajua kama uko semi finals ama bado uko group stages. Kwako anasema "Niko kwa beshte yangu" na kuna mahali yeye husema "Niko kwa chali yangu" 😏

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Kuwa handsome huwa na challenges, nakumbuka madam alikuwa anatufunza Math high school alikuwa anashinda ameniandikia "See me" kila saa, hadi kuna day ameniandikia "Pull up your socks" kuangalia chini napata socks zimeteremka na miguu zimeparara... She really cared for me 😩

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

I'll be disappointed if Prezzo's campaign slogan ain't "Vote carefully, piga kura kwa Makini" 😏

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

The only time wasee wa central wanaeza ng'oa reli ni time wanai-pronounce 😏

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

6 years

Mtoto kama hana ID then huyo hana IDea, achana na yeye! Usimdunge penisillin mdunge pencil, usimu-wish safe sex mu-wish success, mpatie mtihani afanye sio mti honey… these are my two cents I hope they make sense.

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

6 years

Octopizzo ameingilia idlers na sisi ndio huskiza ngoma zake, anadhani mtu ako normal, stable na familia anaeza waste time kumskiza... Hao ni heri wanunue Aluminium foil ii wRap present za watoto wao than kuskiza Octo aki Rap 😏

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Thank you guys 🙏 #BillyAt100K

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Madem waislamu wote huwa warembo coz kiatu kupatikana mosque ni haram 😍😍😍🕌

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Najua kunyoa watoto, by any chance naweza kuwa barber yao? 😍😍😍

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Naambia watoto wangu "I used to support Man Utd during Sir Alex Ferguson's time then I took a break from being a fanatic to focus on finding you a suitable mother" siwezi taka wajue their father suffered from depression when I'm supposed to be the OG of the family 😩

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Ni time ya "Beb unakula nini?" alafu black king anadanganya "Ugali na ka quarter" kumbe anakula indomie na Tomato stew 😩

58

257

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

Tumieni Tala kulipa HELB loan, alafu utumie Mshwari kulipa Tala, alafu utumie KCB kulipa Mshwari, alafu utumie Fuliza kulipa KCB, then utulie coz watu wakutuma pesa wrong number watakulipia Fuliza 😏

89

624

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

4 years

Kitanda ni ya 5 by 6 na mimi ni skinny nigga, nikilala na feel kama kiberiti ya mwisho kwa matchbox 😩

32

291

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Billy The GOAT

@Crazy_Nairobian

5 years

High school first week watu walikuwa na maringo, mtu ana serve githeri anaweka blueband, royco na tomato sauce ndio isi taste poverty na kama ni mchele anaweka coco ndio ikuwe na impression ya pilau... Alafu week 3 hao ndio wanajitolea kutumwa canteen ndio wachuniwe mandazi 😏

91

481

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