My piece for the
@edbookfest
Words from the Wards series to mark the fesitival's move to its new permanent home at the
@UoE_EFI
in the old Edinburgh Royal Infirmary building.
As a middle aged gay man who came out in the 70s and marched through the 80s, the idea of having a wedding anniversary still feels quite an odd thing. But two years ago today this happened and tonight we’ll celebrate. In uncertain times that feels like a lovely thing!
My late partner, Lawrence, would've been 62 today. He died at 37. He was among thousands of gay men of our generation who, because of the scourge of HIV, didn't live to see the changes many of them played a part in creating. Two years ago, I wrote to him.
It’s 2022, I’m 61, and I first came out, aged 18, in 1979.
This evening, after dark, in Edinburgh’s New Town, a man passing me as I unchained the lock on my bike muttered aggressively, ‘fucking gay boy.’
As I’ve said before and will keep saying, we’re not there yet.
RIP my mum. We parted company when I was weeks old and didn’t meet again until I traced her aged 36. We were in touch for just shy of four years. Adoption reunions are complicated and it wasn’t to last. But this picture has sat by my bedside for the last 20 years.
So much talk about
@NicolaSturgeon
’s photo on the cover of the Sunday Times magazine, a lot of it, predictably, offensive and nasty.
Seriously?
It’s a major interview. It’s a big interviewer. It’s a magazine. It’s a great photo.
If it’s not for you, just don’t read it.
One of the legacies of this crisis must be a greater appreciation of the importance of empathy and emotional intelligence to leadership at the highest level. In
@NicolaSturgeon
we’re lucky to have a First Minister who not only gets that but demonstrates it.
EXCLUSIVE: First Minister
@NicolaSturgeon
on
@HeartScotland
on feeling overwhelmed by the magnitude of leading the country through the coronavirus crisis, and having an occasional "meltdown" at home.
#HeartNews
The second time I’ve seen
@NicolaSturgeon
at a book festival in as many months. And what strikes me even more than her undoubted love of books is what it says about openness and freedom. In the world we live in that’s something we should cherish.
I came out at 18 in 1979. I campaigned for gay rights at university and took the fight to trade unions in the 80s. I’ve worn badges, demonstrated, written leaflets and articles, organised conferences, led research. But
#ItsASin
has made me feel proud in a way I never have before.
The extraordinary impact of
#ItsASin
continues. I’ve just spent an hour on the phone with one of the nurses who provided Lawrence and me with such amazing care at Barts hospital back in 1995, the first time we’ve spoken since those days.
So sad to hear that Derek Mahon has died. This reading of his poem, Everything Is Going To Be Alright, by Andrew Scott, captured so many hearts and minds earlier this year.
Easy to scoff at the sentimentality of
@CallTheMidwife1
but I sat with my first partner when he died 23 years ago and tonight’s episode was bloody brilliant - ‘talk to her, Tom, she can still hear you.’
My husband just got home from sitting by the hospital bedside of the mother of a former social care client as she died. Their relationship hadn't been easy but he knew that had he not been there she might have died alone - and that no one should have to. That's why I married him.
When I was growing up, moments like this were unimaginable. When I was their age, marriage still seemed impossible. Just a few years ago, it remained prohibited. For some of us, it was a late call. For others, it came too late. Now kids can see this and know it could be them.
When I set off for a quiet dinner with my husband to celebrate our second wedding anniversary on Friday, I had no idea that more than 12,000 people would want to wish us well. The power of story fuelled by social media at its best. Humbling stuff.
As a middle aged gay man who came out in the 70s and marched through the 80s, the idea of having a wedding anniversary still feels quite an odd thing. But two years ago today this happened and tonight we’ll celebrate. In uncertain times that feels like a lovely thing!
There's plenty of poison about, especially on here, BUT:
Dominic Cummings is not being 'hounded out' - he's being held accountable.
We are not a 'mob' - we are citizens, the public, the electorate.
The strength of feeling isn't a social media bubble - check You Gov polling.
My incomparable sister, Rachael, left us 11 years ago today. She was 44, a mother of five and utterly irrepressible. Laughing with her was just the best thing. Cosmic Dancer was the soundtrack to her funeral - and her life, so I’m playing it tonight.
Anyone who talks openly about their experience of mental illness and stigma as
@RuthDavidsonMSP
has done here, is courageous. If your response is to hurl abuse, you’re harming the cause of mental health at a time when it has never been more important to make change happen.
I think it helps to talk about mental health. I know it would have helped me. Also, realising that a diagnosis isn't a full stop; nor is it binary. It can be managed over time.
If you need to talk,
@SAMHtweets
does some brilliant work.
For David Steele to say on
@BBCNewsnight
that he didn’t know Jeremy Thorpe was gay is scarcely credible. To dismiss allegations against Cyril Smith as ‘scurrilous hearsay’ and ‘tittle tattle’ is appalling.
I’m staggered by the response I’ve had to re-publishing this piece. That it seems to have resonated with so many people is rewarding beyond measure. What Lawrence, who died long before social media was even a thing, would have made of it, goodness only knows.
My late partner, Lawrence, would've been 62 today. He died at 37. He was among thousands of gay men of our generation who, because of the scourge of HIV, didn't live to see the changes many of them played a part in creating. Two years ago, I wrote to him.
Today I had the enormous privilege of being appointed Chair of the
@EdMorganTrust
and what better way to mark the moment than by sharing my favourite Edwin Morgan poem. 👇
Those of us who lived, fought and grieved through the years portrayed in
#ItsASin
- and survived - scarcely imagined it would be the subject of an award winning, chart topping popular TV show. That it is, 40 years on, feels like justice of a sort. Bravo!
I understand the criticisms of the new blood donation policy. *But* as a gay man who came of age just before HIV, who was an AIDS activist in the early years, who fought for gay rights in the 80s, who lost my partner and many friends to HIV, this moment *is* worth celebrating.
🧵 Today is
#WorldSuicidePreventionDay
20 years ago, following a sustained period of severe depression and spells in psychiatric institutions, I attempted to take my own life.
I have just run 500m on a machine in the gym. I can’t tell you how exciting this is. I’m not sure I’ve run that slowly since I was 10. But hey, Rome wasn’t built in a day.
#recovery
#osteotomy
#runchat
Spot on
@NicolaSturgeon
underlining the need for kindness, including to those who make mistakes, as we find our way, together, through the
#COVID19
crisis.
Today is my last day
@SCLDNews
after six years. I’m proud of the journey we’ve been on. I’ve learnt a lot, made plenty of mistakes too. But now it’s time to go. I’m leaving behind a great team who are looking forward to working with
@charlie_mcmil
who I know will be brilliant.
The dissonance on display at this Downing Street press conference is utterly mind boggling. The narrative of slow, steady and cautious appears to be completely at odds with the lifting of restrictions being announced.
🧵 My birth mother’s husband has died. We first met in May 1997 on a dreich afternoon in Dundee. Our final encounter, in August 2022, was at her funeral in Broughty Ferry, 22 years after we had last spoken. No words were exchanged, only a brief handshake as I left the church. /1
The ‘answer’ to homosexuality, Ann Widdecombe, is what millions of us do unremarkably everyday which is to get on with our lives. Many of us fought hard for the right to do that. Science has more pressing and nobler causes to address.
20 years ago today was a first day of the rest of your life day, my first day living in Scotland. A coming home of sorts, and an escape from emotional noise. I’d no idea what would happen next, still less have a plan. Somehow it worked out and I acquired these two along the way.
Well that was a grand day out. And proof that life may begin at 60 after all. Bagging my first, but I’m sure not my last, Munro, Meall nan Tarmachan, with
@RCunningham_MMM
to whom thanks also for the 📸
#MountainsMendMinds
Airhead by
@maitlis
is perfect bed time reading. Each short chapter is completely absorbing. It’s also beautifully written and manages to be both deadly serious *and* make you laugh out loud - and goodness knows we need the latter right now.
The journey to
#Stonewall50
is one of extraordinary gains and profound losses; 24 years ago this week, Lawrence and I went to Pride together for the last time in London’s Victoria Park. It was Pride’s 25th Anniversary. He had just 2 weeks to live.
Celebrate *and* commemorate.
Lawrence Buckley 24.08.57 - 10.07.95
Somewhere, in the space between remembering and forgetting, your presence still lingers.
#WorldAIDSDay
#whatisrememberedlives
Latest from me: very grateful to
@thecourieruk
for carrying this piece reflecting on my experience, and Scotland’s mental health challenge, as I step down after eight years on the
@SAMHtweets
trustee board and six years as chair.
THREAD. It’s taken me 12 hours to RT
@gareththomas14
’s remarkable 1 minute 24 second video about his HIV status. I liked it last night had to sleep on it before retweeting. Not because I don’t agree with every plaudit it’s recieved. I do. And some. 1./
There’s a lot wrong with social media but this morning I connected with the doctor who signed my late partner’s death certificate 25 years ago. I’m not sure I ever really got to thank her properly for all the care and support she gave us back then. Now I can.
Absolutely delighted to be joining
@markdiffley1
and the team
@diffleypartners
in an associate capacity and very much looking forward to contributing to the great work they are doing.
We’re thrilled to announce that we will working with a new associate
@Chris_Creegan
. Chris is a writer and consultant with 40 years’ experience in the third and public sectors and has spent more than a decade in social research. Welcome to the team, Chris!
It’s
#DyingMattersAwarenessWeek
Every day this week I have posted a picture of someone I have lost but who lives on in me.
This is Lawrence, who died of AIDS, aged 37, in 1995.
‘All the way back home at midnight
You were sleeping on my shoulder.’
#whatisrememberedlives
So today I had a lockdown haircut *and* a lockdown meltdown. Luckily the two were entirely unrelated but the second was a reminder that this is tough and that fragility is allowed.
Delighted and privileged to have been re-elected as chair of
@SAMHtweets
tonight for a second three year term. And to welcome
@jhferguson
as vice chair for 2018-19. Many thanks to outgoing vice chair
@ianbeattie1
for all his energy and commitment.
When Allan and I married in 2017, our friend, David Kinloch, wrote us a poem which included the verse:
‘Will he spy the diver, will he stop to salvage
the baker, sculptor, homemaker,
who’ll save him the trouble
of running too far past his life?’
I did, of course.
#cakegate
Thank you to everyone who has responded to my interview about
#ItsASin
in the
@Sunday_Mail
Most extraordinary are the private messages from people I have never met. People who have carried memories of grief and stigma ever since that time. *This* is why storytelling matters.
It’s
#DyingMattersAwarenessWeek
Every day this week I am posting a picture of someone I have lost but who lives on in me.
This is my friend, Olivia, who died with so much of life undone, aged 41, 2018.
‘There is a garden where our hearts converse.’
#whatisrememberedlives
In other news, today’s the day I start learning to walk again after six weeks on crutches. Focus on the things you can control, not on the humongous mess which is out of reach.
This is remarkable. I read and write about illness, death, and dying a lot. In that endeavour I’ve rarely read anything as fine and moving as this from
@anandMenon1
for
@tortoise
If you can read it without breaking down, you’ve beaten me.
In 2021, thanks to effective treatment, HIV doesn’t mean AIDS or death in the UK. But in the 1980s it upended our world and took the lives of our friends and lovers. I’m grateful to
@jem_2
for talking to me in the
@Sunday_Mail
about
#ItsASin
and the stories of those we lost.
A week ago, my husband and I basked in the warmth of wedding anniversary wishes from 13,000 people, mostly strangers.
This is a cold reminder that change isn’t universal and progress isn’t inevitable.
Not just homophobia, but deep rooted misogyny too.
I’m 62. I discovered I hailed from Dundee when I traced my birth mother in my 30s. But until tonight I’d never been to a concert at the Caird Hall. Now I’m here to see
@deaconbluemusic
& support for a great cause. And it feels like another moment in a lifetime of homecomings.
One dark evening long ago I crossed the road in a way that resulted in a woman setting off her rape alarm.
For me it wasn’t nice. For her it was clearly terrifying. At that moment, to that woman, I wasn’t known. I was a stranger.
I could have been
#anyman
. That’s why
#allmen
.
Yes - I know it’s soppy and commercial and all the rest. But in this life, the only one I’ll know, I got to love and then to love again. What great luck is that?
#ValentinesDay2022
Well done
@PaulJSweeney
- as someone who arrived at the starting line of this crisis newly self-employed at 59, having always worked, I’ve had to think hard about claiming benefit for the first time in my life. So far I haven’t had to but there must never be shame in doing so.
"Opportunities have been very far and few between, it has been quite disorientating... there's no shame really in having to resort to social security"
Paul Sweeney, who lost his job as a Labour MP at the last election, has applied for Universal Credit
Goodness this is generous and measured from
@GlasgowPam
about something that so obviously should not have happened. But it did and it does happen to disabled people everyday. We have to do so, so much better.
A Scottish Parliamentary candidate who uses a wheelchair has spoken of her ordeal in accessing the Glasgow election count after staff took 45-minutes to help her access the Emirates Arena and sit with fellow candidates.
This is *not* about whether you were right 20 years ago. Or about whether what’s happening proves your pre-existing position. It really isn’t about *you* at all. It’s about people, women and girls, in mortal danger - *now*. Everything else is performative nonsense.
#Afghanistan
Thank you to
@babbedout
from the
@MetroUK
who saw my tweets about reconnecting with the pioneering HIV staff at
@BartsHospital
who cared for Lawrence and supported me back in the 90s, after watching
#ItsASin
, and ran this story.
Final day of
#LGBTHM21
and my Unsung Hero is John Curry. He was outed in 1976, the year he won Gold at the European and World Championships, and the Olympics, and was voted BBC sports personality of the year. He died of an AIDS related heart attack in 1994, aged 44.
I just wandered through to the kitchen to be told by Allan that the very large cake he’s about to put in the oven is for my 60th birthday. This has made its imminence rather too real. I may need to pour a drink. Just as well it’s Christmas.
It’s
#DyingMattersAwarenessWeek
Every day this week I will post a picture of someone I have lost but who lives on in me.
This is my sister, Rachael, who died of cancer, aged 43, in 2008.
Laughter with her was life itself.
#whatisrememberedlives
I’m not going to say much more about
#ItsASin
until I’ve watched it to the end. But I moved to London a year later, and in the first episode alone so much resonated. One thing I will say is this. 1/
It's 23 years to the day since I returned to my home city of Manchester to march against Clause 28. A city whose chief constable, James Anderton, had accused us and others of 'swirling in a human cesspit of our own making.' It really was a sin back then.
Latest from me: The brilliant
@russelldavies63
is bringing AIDS in the 1980s to our screens in his new drama, It’s a Sin, starting this Friday. For those of us who lived, loved and lost through those years, it’s going to be a hell of a ride.