ASHLY’S KNOCKERS @AshlySchwan Twitter profile

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ASHLY’S KNOCKERS

@AshlySchwan

5 years

CAN EVERYONE LOOK AT WHAT SHE DID WITH HER PACK OF OREOS!!!?!!

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@AshlySchwan

4 years

this. is. art.

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@AshlySchwan

5 years

JESUS. FUCKING. CHRIST. tell every single one of your loved ones that you love them. like... NOW. you really NEVER know when your best friend, boyfriend, mom, dad, or WHOEVER could be gone forever in a blink of an eye.

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@AshlySchwan

5 years

. @Snapchat i think we all agree ur new app logo is fucking ugly and u need to change it back

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@AshlySchwan

5 years

THE LAST TIME @Jenna_Marbles USED HER INTRO WAS AUGUST 15, 2018. THAT MEANS I HAVEN’T NOTICED FOR ABOUT 7 MONTHS AND I FEEL SO ASHAMED.

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@AshlySchwan

5 years

AHHHHHHH TANA VOICING-OVER (he who shall not be named)’s NAME WITH JAKE’S NAME, JUST SENT ME OFF OF MY ROOF

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@AshlySchwan

4 years

tana just had to get a full body pat down in airport security because of her NIPPLE PIERCING

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@AshlySchwan

5 years

i love checking my bffs location & it just says “calabasas” oh she rich rich now, huh?

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@AshlySchwan

5 years

i’ll NEVER understand how people can just listen to country music and be like “holy shit! did u hear that cowbell & banjo!? 😱 THAT SHIT SLAPS!!”

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@AshlySchwan

2 years

i don’t wanna BeReal i wanna BeRailed

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@AshlySchwan

6 years

TANA FORGOT HER ID TODAY AT THE PORNHUB AWARDS SO SHE USED MY ID AND SAID “THIS IS ME, I’M ASHLY SCHWAN, BUT MY STAGE NAME IS TANA MONGEAU” AND THEY LET HER IN BAHAHAHAHA 💀💀💀

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@AshlySchwan

4 years

wait... do i like girls?

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@AshlySchwan

4 years

hey @instagram why are you deleting my cute halloween photos with my bestie?? i would say we look respectful & cute?? 😭

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@AshlySchwan

4 years

i cant believe even my own boyfriend thought girls stick PADS to their pussies/ LEGS... 🤯

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@AshlySchwan

4 years

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHMY BESTFRIEND @tanamongeau JUST WON THE CREATOR OF THE YEAR AWARD... so basically she’s a really REALLY big deal now, no photos please, she’s too good for us 😭❤️👏🏼

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@AshlySchwan

5 years

so michael just got home and i was super happy to see him & i go “GUESS WHAT I GOT!!!” & he goes “more annoying??!”

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@AshlySchwan

6 years

Post Malone landed safely ALEXA, play Congratulations

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@AshlySchwan

6 years

everyone: “what’s it like being in your friend group?” me: “ever seen the show survivor?”

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@AshlySchwan

5 years

Nobody: Literally nobody: *Tana*:

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@AshlySchwan

6 years

every time i take melatonin @shanedawson is in my dream and i’m not mad about it

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@AshlySchwan

5 years

what it’s like dating me👇🏼

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@AshlySchwan

5 years

tbh, i LOVE when one of my long ass acrylics comes off, cause then i can have at least one useful finger, and that’s all i really need

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@AshlySchwan

5 years

THIS LITTLE BOY ON VENTURA JUST ASKED TANA “if i do a kick flip will you give me a kiss?!” LIKE... AW? but like, no?

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@AshlySchwan

5 years

THE GIRL WHO JUST DID MY HAIR AT DRYBAR THOUGHT I WAS TANA AND MADE MY HAIR PIN-STRAIGHT AND PARTED DOWN THE MIDDLE AHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

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@AshlySchwan

5 years

well shit, looks like i’m getting married now too

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@AshlySchwan

4 years

It’s Tana I’m in Ashly’s twitter I had to turn her notifications off for someone silly! Hey Ash ;)

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@AshlySchwan

3 years

@tanamongeau easy

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@AshlySchwan

5 years

hot family summer 🔥❤️

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@AshlySchwan

4 years

last night i was so exhausted from a photoshoot that i passed in the living room, and @tanamongeau was trying to wake me up by screaming various things like “WAKE UP THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE” the only thing that she screamed that woke me up was “CHEESY GORDITA CRUNCH” 💀

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@AshlySchwan

6 years

as soon as tana and i sit down on our flight, the man sitting next to us asks us what we do for work, and then tells us he’s in the porn business. his cell phone just rang and it’s just people singing, “MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW” ...MAHALO!

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@AshlySchwan

5 years

bad drivers who think it’s cute and quirky to text while driving with me in the car, make me want to rip their breaks out 🤗

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@AshlySchwan

4 years

so i’m sitting here eating half baked ice cream, and my 25 YEAR OLD BF goes “can i try that, i’ve never had it before?” like what kind of psychopath lives 25 years without going through at least 100 pints of half baked??????

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@AshlySchwan

5 years

i just cried to a security guard to get FRONT ROW at my little brothers graduation. oh, how reality TV has changed me ALREADY

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@AshlySchwan

4 years

do you ever just get the CLOSEST shave, put on some new VS panties (like CUT THE TAG OFF), do your hair and makeup, and then start BLEEDING OUT PROFUSELY... bc me too :/

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ASHLY’S KNOCKERS

@AshlySchwan

5 years

a nose job would be life changing for me

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@AshlySchwan

4 years

i just tried to fix this crinkle in tanas hair, then i realized its probably from cum and i immediately stopped. kinda wanna die now?

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@AshlySchwan

5 years

i don’t get insecure around other hot girls, my back just starts arching a little more 🤷🏼‍♀️

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ASHLY’S KNOCKERS

@AshlySchwan

6 years

tana mongeau saying “KIAN LAWLEY WILL NEVER FUCK ME” for 10 minutes straight. wya???

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@AshlySchwan

4 years

i was having a bad day cause my new video isn’t doing good at all, then SHANE DAWSON!!! yes u heard me, THE SHANE DAWSON just LIKED AND COMMENTED on my instagram photo for the first time and suddenly.... i can breathe again 💚

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@AshlySchwan

5 years

TANA JUST ATE OLD BROKEN UP PIECES OF GUM FROM THE BOTTOM OF HER ASSISTANTS BAG #BirthdayGoals

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@AshlySchwan

5 years

i just ordered TAMPONS on @Postmates and they delivered me TWO BOTTLES OF WINE?????? I NEED TAMPONS... WTF

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ASHLY’S KNOCKERS

@AshlySchwan

5 years

HALEY AND I ALMOST DROVE INTO ONCOMING TRAFFIC TRYING TO FOLLOW JEFFREE STAR AND NOW CARS ARE HONKING AT US AND WE LOST HIM😭

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@AshlySchwan

5 years

WHY IS THE SUN SETTING AT 4PM!!???!??! I CAN ALREADY FEEL MY SEASONAL DEPRESSION KICKING IN 🥴

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@AshlySchwan

5 years

i don’t understand how i order the same exact drink at starbucks every time, yet it always tastes significantly different???

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@AshlySchwan

4 years

is no one going to talk about trisha reviewing “chick-fil-a spicy chicken sandwiches” for the first time over and over again? cause i’m living for it

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@AshlySchwan

5 years

uber driver: “what are you getting all dolled up for?” me: “i’m going to the grammy’s this weekend, my boyfriend got nominated for 3” uber driver: “so when’s the wedding???”

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ASHLY’S KNOCKERS

@AshlySchwan

5 years

TANA AND I JUST WAITED AT BAGGAGE CLAIM FOR TWO WHOLE PLANES WORTH OF LUGGAGE UNTIL WE REALIZED IT WAS THE WRONG FUCKING AIRLINE’S LUGGAGE AND WE’RE LITERALLY LOW ON TIME ALREADY

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@AshlySchwan

4 years

michael goes “until she dates a football player, omg i love sports!! hehe”

Tana Mongeau

@tanamongeau

4 years

when u have super bowl tickets but get so drunk the night before u don’t go hehe did someone make a home run i love basketball :/

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@AshlySchwan

4 years

@tanamongeau i don’t hate you?

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@AshlySchwan

4 years

i don’t know who made tana and i, but they accidentally gave us the same exact brain somehow

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@AshlySchwan

4 years

note to self: on instagram- •i CANNOT show: my cakes, cleavage, or wear a bikini •i CAN show: my pussy lips ...got it

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@AshlySchwan

5 years

i get so weirded out when i think about people having thoughts. like talking to yourself all day everyday, in ur head. like we’re all silent crackheads. just me?

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@AshlySchwan

5 years

this weekend’s bout to be 𝔰𝔩𝔲𝔱𝔱𝔶

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@AshlySchwan

4 years

last night at 5am my brain just wanted to remind me of how fucked next level up my childhood was. ask me how i slept

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@AshlySchwan

6 years

tana is on the phone right now telling them that “she is on her way, walking outside to her uber” while in the bathroom rubbing self tanner on her body HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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@AshlySchwan

4 years

i have a weird feeling i’m gonna get railed today...

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@AshlySchwan

5 years

nobody: tana: ASHLY GOT A BOOB JOB

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@AshlySchwan

5 years

does ur brain ever go on COMPLETE auto pilot, and do some weird shit like putt coffee creamer in the dishwasher instead of the fridge?

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ASHLY’S KNOCKERS

@AshlySchwan

6 years

ur heart ever break a lil when u hear a certain song that reminds u of a certain moment in time?

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@AshlySchwan

5 years

u ever put fake eyelashes on and then think... god i’m such a dirty little slut ...just me?

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@AshlySchwan

5 years

“sHoULd i gO LiGHtEr Or DARkeR” “hmmm i think you should go fuck yourself”

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ASHLY’S KNOCKERS

@AshlySchwan

5 years

i can’t wait to hear this load of BULLSHIT

KEEM 🍿

@KEEMSTAR

5 years

You already know I reported that Brad cheated on you. But many other YouTubers reached out to me asking me to speak with brad. I finally got around to it & I think it’s fair to get his side of events too.

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@AshlySchwan

5 years

u can’t be ugly on the inside AND the outside!!!!! u gotta pick one!!!!! 🤞🏼🙏🏼🙌🏻🦶🏻👺🤠🥴🤢🤮😬😐😶🤥🤫🤭🤗🥰😉

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@AshlySchwan

5 years

i could’ve done better tbh

FACETUNE

@facetune

5 years

@LoganPaul Always here to help you @LoganPaul 💋 #HealingWithFacetune

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@AshlySchwan

4 years

brittni, tana, and i are at cheesecake factory rn (sorry imari) and we order three of the “Little House Salads” as appetizers, and the waiter takes our menus away thinking that that was all we wanted to eat??? like is LA that dainty?!

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ASHLY’S KNOCKERS

@AshlySchwan

6 years

relationship 101: a healthy relationship will never require you to sacrifice your friends

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@AshlySchwan

5 years

i just thanked my boyfriend for helping me hang up some lights and he goes, “it’s okay i’m just your task rabbit that wants a blowjob” 😂

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@AshlySchwan

6 years

tana just showed me these bruises on her body and as she’s pointing at them, she goes, “they look like the US map” “look like this one’s Africa”

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@AshlySchwan

4 years

if u wanna say something, say it then

Tana Mongeau

@tanamongeau

4 years

my tits r real

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@AshlySchwan

6 years

so unbothered

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@AshlySchwan

5 years

Me: “Get me a drink” Natalie: “What do you want” Imari: “Three”

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@AshlySchwan

4 years

how am i still head over heels!!???! i don’t get it!!?!

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@AshlySchwan

5 years

@tanamongeau miss u more!!?!

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@AshlySchwan

5 years

oh, hi 👋

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@AshlySchwan

7 years

OH MY GOD MY LAST NAME TRANSLATES TO COCK. IM 20 YEARS OLD AND I'M JUST NOW FINDING THIS OUT. MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE.

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@AshlySchwan

5 years

today i learned tana wants to fuck me

Tana Mongeau

@tanamongeau

5 years

answering yours & Shane Dawson's INSANE questions under a LIE DETECTOR via @YouTube RT!!!!

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@AshlySchwan

6 years

i love when you’re texting someone that’s in the same room as you and they respond with something like “hahahahaha” or “lmao” but you look over at them and they’re just straight face as fuck ahahaha

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@AshlySchwan

4 years

okay so where do i buy juvederm & syringes? i’m over this little ugly lips having ass quarantine

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ASHLY’S KNOCKERS

@AshlySchwan

5 years

holy fuck what is this 💀💀💀

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ASHLY’S KNOCKERS

@AshlySchwan

5 years

having a hot boyfriend is life changing

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ASHLY’S KNOCKERS

@AshlySchwan

5 years

i nut for coconut 🥥

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ASHLY’S KNOCKERS

@AshlySchwan

5 years

Youtube’s “skip 10 seconds” feature made my attention span go from a hard 0 to an ever harder -100

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@AshlySchwan

6 years

this is how tana just walked into the house without saying a word

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@AshlySchwan

5 years

MY COUSIN BRITTNI JUST CALLED TANA AND JAKE “Jana and Take” ON ACCIDENT 🤣

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ASHLY’S KNOCKERS

@AshlySchwan

4 years

28 just hits SOOO different 😩

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@AshlySchwan

4 years

i swear to god my kids are gonna have the best skincare routine the minute they’re BORN

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ASHLY’S KNOCKERS

@AshlySchwan

5 years

OFF WHITE BELTS NEED AN EASY WAY OUT (for us dumb hoes) (yes i said it)

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ASHLY’S KNOCKERS

@AshlySchwan

5 years

today my bf and i took my little brother to KBBQ, and we were talking about how the sushi we eat is raw fish, and he thought we were eating that now, AND HE PUT RAW MEAT, like STEAK IN HIS MOUTH. thinking it was the spicy tuna we were talking about. i had to be like SPIT IT OUT

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ASHLY’S KNOCKERS

@AshlySchwan

5 years

can’t wait for our kiddos to be BFFL’S!!! T-7 MONTHS!!! 😝❤️

Tana Mongeau

@tanamongeau

5 years

▬▬▬.◙.▬▬▬ ═▂▄▄▓▄▄▂ ◢◤🙂█▀▀████▄▄◢◤ █▄ █ █▄ ███▀▀▀▀▀╬ 💨 ◥█████◤ ══╩══╩═ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ hey just dropping down to ╬═╬ announce ╬═╬ ╬═╬ ☻/ ╬═╬/o) im pregnant ╬═╬/ \

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@AshlySchwan

7 years

tana always says the rudest shit and then follows her sentence with “no offense” and I just think it’s the funniest thing in the world

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ASHLY’S KNOCKERS

@AshlySchwan

5 years

nobody ever: @elijahdaniel : ANXIETIE TIP!!! 🙈✨😢

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@AshlySchwan

11 months

if my wrist looks like that, i’ll consider it

₄₄₄

@lifeof_mirmir

1 year

ladies would you tatt yo man name on you??

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@AshlySchwan

4 years

@shanedawson i volunteer to carry the baby

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@AshlySchwan

5 years

so the past week i stopped juuling and started drinking hot lemon water in the morning and i think i’m back to my normal self??? kinda good???

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@AshlySchwan

4 years

no offense but michael getting me a puppy would suck

paula ✨

@whyxlive

5 years

I‘M SCREAMING THIS WORKS

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@AshlySchwan

4 years

twice but who’s counting

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@AshlySchwan

6 years

tana: ”wait can i nap here for 10 minutes.” elijah: ”whether i say yes or no you’re still going to nap here.” tana: “okay goodnight.” elijah: “see you in the morning!”

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