Andy Ruther @AndyRuther Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

5 years

Bama fans haven't been this upset since the Brown v. Board of Education decision.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

4 years

LA County: We’ll arrest a lone standup paddle boarder for using the ocean during a quarantine. Also LA County: But we won’t do a damn thing or look for solutions regarding the 65k homeless people spreading diseases during a pandemic. Gotta love it!

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

3 years

We live in a 24 hour South Park episode.

New York Post

@nypost

3 years

Twitter says Taliban can stay on platform if they obey rules

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

5 years

For all you assholes who wanted Duke & their exciting 3 first round NBA picks to lose I hope your happy. We have the most boring title game in NCAA history.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

5 years

Tiger bangs anything with legs, cheats on his wife, pops pills & risks killing people while driving under the influence. Sports fans love him. Lebron makes a "decision" show, switches teams a couple times & donates millions of his own dollars to charity.Sports fans hate him. 🤷‍♂️

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

6 years

How about this phrase: PETA is “bat” shit crazy

PETA

@peta

6 years

Words matter, and as our understanding of social justice evolves, our language evolves along with it. Here’s how to remove speciesism from your daily conversations.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

3 years

Our current president is 74. Our future president is 78. The Speaker of the House is 80. The last Senate majority leader is 78. Congrats on letting Walmart greeters run our entire country. 🤦🏻‍♂️

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

5 years

If Tiger Woods wins another Masters on the same day the final season of Game of Thrones premieres & on the same weekend of Coachella it'll be the greatest weekend in the history for white people.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

6 years

Colin Kapernicks's Lawyer points to chart: "This is a depth chart of the 2018 Bills QB's. Their quarterbacks are Nathan Peterman, Derek Anderson & Matt Barkley." ***Judge interrupts: "I don't think we need any further evidence. You win the collusion case against the NFL."

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

6 years

You have to love how the Chiefs cut Kareem Hunt. But Tyreek Hill (who plead guilty to domestic abuse by strangling a woman) is still on the team. I don't care but the hypocrisy with these teams & the NFL is hilarious. Either keep or cut them both. It makes no sense.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

6 years

Marijuana is now legal in the state of Michigan. This makes Detroit the only city in America where both crack and weed are fully legal.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

5 years

8 seasons & 73 episodes of entertaining TV with amazing story lines & fascinating characters. But all these dorks on Twitter acting like they could do better on the final episode. GTFOH

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

5 years

Saints Fans - I know you're still butthurt about the Rams game. But the last time you won a Super Bowl your coaches were paying players to injure & end careers of members on opposing teams. Maybe shit just came around 10 years later. Stop whining & drink a hurricane.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

5 years

BREAKING: Andrew Luck has decided to come out of retirement so he doesn’t get murdered.

O.J. Simpson

@TheRealOJ32

5 years

Andrew Luck you couldn’t have shared that news before I drafted you an hour ago? #andrewluck @Colts

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

5 years

Robert Kraft is innocent! He was mugged by 2 Asian women wearing MAGA hats. They pinned him down & took turns jerking his penis until a fluid came out of his penis. As this happened they called him things like "old balls" & "saggy nips." It's now being treated as a hate crime.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

2 years

BREAKING: The Cleveland Browns have offered Ghislaine Maxwell a 5 year $100 million deal to backup DeShaun Watson.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

6 years

Don't ever tell me college football is better than the NFL. Especially when the NFL playoffs are decided on the field & not by dudes in a board room.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

5 years

The next time the Bills make the playoffs OJ Simpson needs to lead the team on the field driving a white Ford Bronco.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

6 years

Yasiel Puig risked his life to be smuggled by drug cartel members from Cuba to America to be traded for a pitcher who went 1-16 last year. Life is harsh.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

5 years

The worst part for Duke players is that they had to fake going to class for 7 months & didn't even get anything out of it.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

5 years

6 months ago on this day the Browns were being coached by Hue Jackson & Tyrod Taylor was their starting QB. Don't ever make excuses about changing your life around.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

5 years

Since 2014 Kawhi Leonard has been an NBA Finals MVP, 2X Defensive Player of the Year, All NBA Team 3X, Worn corn rows for 1,825 days & never complained about a call once. Show this man some damn respect.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

5 years

Robert Kraft getting a happy ending at a massage parlor is the most Patriots thing ever. He’s a billionaire who could pay for world’s most beautiful high end escorts. But like how he builds the Pats roster he went with a cost effective way to get the same job done.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

3 years

So brave of MLB to move the All-Star Game from Atlanta. Here's some other changes I propose: Let Pete Rose in the HOF, admit you turned a blind eye on players using PEDs for years, actually punish the Houston Astros for stealing a World Series & stop charging $20 for a beer.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

5 years

Kawhi Leonard's gonna celebrate tonight by having a single beer and falling asleep watching The Office reruns.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

6 years

Good luck to Josh Gordon and a big fuck you to the NFL for suspending or testing any player for using marijuana.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

5 years

Jeff Bezos is divorcing wife MacKenzie after 25 years of marriage. According to the pre-nup her free Amazon Prime membership will expire at midnight tonight.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

4 years

They keep saying VOTE. I keep saying give me better candidates & more than 2 political parties. Repeat every 4 years till the end of humanity.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

5 years

Magic Johnson beat HIV, but couldn't beat Lavar Ball. Wild.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

4 years

Jameis Winston got lasik eye surgery just in time to read that Tom Brady took his job.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

5 years

1. Colts beat Chiefs 2. Chargers beat Pats. 3. AFC Championship: Chargers vs Colts in front of 27 Chargers fans in Los Angeles. This is needs to happen.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

4 years

I don’t care if you vote. I don’t care if you don’t vote. I don’t care who you vote for. But if you post an “I voted” sticker then you’re a total cheddar dick.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

4 years

Got handcuffed and temporarily detained during my run today. Big thanks to LAPD for keeping our streets safe from dudes in runner shorts.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

3 years

Suns in 4 Guy is doing so much cocaine tonight.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

5 years

Imagine how many dudes Trevor Lawrence could bang if he went on Grindr tonight in San Francisco.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

6 years

The last time Philip Rivers beat the Chiefs he only had 7 kids.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

5 years

Mike Trout signs $430 million extension with Anaheim Angels. Deal also includes: - Unlimited access to cutting lines at Disneyland - Every Real Housewive of Orange County - His very own lane on the 405 freeway

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

4 years

At least Blake Snell got those extra few innings of rest to prepare him for next season.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

3 years

Doug Pederson did the impossible: He got 100% of Eagles and Giants fans to agree in unison that he's a total asshole.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

5 years

Don't let Josh Gordon's suspension distract you from the fact that cannabis should be legal in every state & that it's much safer than alcohol which kills thousands of people every year. Josh Gordon & everyone else should be allowed to legally smoke weed. End of story.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

6 years

The only way I'm paying $20 to watch Tiger is if he's hopped up on drugs attempting to drive a golf cart while his wife is chasing with a golf club & naked Perkins waitresses are waiting for him in the clubhouse. #TheMatch

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

2 years

Peyton Manning: “Hey Ray, what was going through your head when you murdered those 2 guys?” Eli: (laughs) “Seriously Ray, whatever happened to your missing bloody white suit.”

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

4 years

Remember when Jeffrey Epstein was murdered by our government to cover up all the politicians who banged underage sex trafficked girls. I bet you forgot.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

3 years

Packers Fans - Don't be mad at a late PI call. Be mad at your coach for kicking a FG with the game on the line.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

5 years

No Lebron millions of Chinese citizens are the ones getting harmed every single day by that communist regime you just bent the knee to. This is so gross. Maybe you should educate yourself on past and current Chinese history. As a huge Lebron fan this crushes me. 😢

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

6 years

So brave of you to vote. You risked your life & walked miles thru a warn torn country with people threatening to kill you if you didn’t vote for their war lord. Oh wait that’s Africa. You just sat in a line on your phone for a few mins. Stop acting so virtuous. #IVoted

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

3 years

BREAKING: Manti Te'o has just agreed to become Bishop Sycamore's new head coach.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

4 years

Stop worrying about a military draft. People drafted are notified via mail & anyone ages 18-25 doesn't know their full address, let alone how to check the mail. You're all gonna be fine. ...Unless they start drafting via DMs. Then you're all fucked.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

5 years

But ads promoting booze, pills, fast food & tons of other things far more dangerous will run on loop! 🤦‍♂️

Bloomberg

@business

5 years

CBS has rejected a proposed TV ad during the Super Bowl that called for the legalization of medical marijuana

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

5 years

If Ja Morant would’ve organized Fyre Festival instead of Ja Rule it would’ve been awesome.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

6 years

If Urban Meyer's health concerns were that real he wouldn't be coaching. They're acting like he has a combo of stage 5 cancer, full blown AIDS and ALS.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

3 years

I coach a 3rd grade boys basketball team. Today one of the boys was crying in the middle of the game. After he came to the bench I asked him what was wrong & he said nothing. He told me it was tears of joy that Trump was no longer in office. It was powerful. Then we lost 32-12.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

5 years

Those pot smokers saved that animal’s life. Just another reason to legalize cannabis everywhere.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

5 years

R.I.P. Jared Lorenzen. I enjoyed getting to know him over the last 5 years thru @TheDirtySports . He had such a great heart & an amazing sense of humor. He even let me wear his Super Bowl ring. Thanks for being kind, humble & always making me laugh. You will be missed by everyone.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

4 years

I guarantee The Watt brothers prefer leg day over sex.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

3 years

NFL: We're penalizing people for excessive celebrations. Also NFL: When defenses get turnovers all 11 men can do choreographed dances/improv bits in the end zone with no penalties.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

5 years

Sony Music has finally dropped R Kelly from it's label. It only took: - A sex tape of him pissing on a 14 yr old girl - Marrying a 15 yr old girl - Being charged with 14 accounts of child porn - A 6 part docuseries detailing 30 years of banging/brainwashing underage girls

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

3 years

I love when people tell me what to boycott from their multi-million dollar Penthouse. It really motivates me.

Keith Olbermann

@KeithOlbermann

3 years

FIRST THE ALL-STAR GAME. NOW, THE MASTERS! You think the term "The Masters" was applied to a golf tournament in the former slave state of Georgia by accident? The Masters begins Thursday. Its sponsors, and its tv networks must be the next economic targets. #BoycottTheMasters

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

5 years

UCF would totally have beaten Clemson. By at least 50 points. Maybe 60.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

4 years

Why should anyone support @MLB when they don’t punish a single player on the Astros for cheating during an entire season, but then throw down the hammer on Joe Kelly for taking matters into his own hands? Seriously, how can @MLB expect anyone to support them or their logic?

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

6 years

BREAKING: PETA wants the Steelers charged for animal cruelty for their treatment of the Panthers.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

4 years

The Patriots are the most hated team in professional sports. Houston Astros: Hold our trash can.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

6 years

The Rams vs Chiefs has been moved from Mexico City to Los Angeles. This will have zero affect on the number of Mexicans attending the game.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

5 years

Running for President has turned into American Idol. They need to start holding qualifying rounds in cities across America to narrow down the thousands of candidates.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

5 years

Don't let ARod's engagement to J Lo distract you from the fact that he was 1,000 times a better player than Derek Jeter.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

6 years

Oklahoma is not a top 6 team, let alone a playoff team They literally play zero defense. NONE. Army who literally can't even throw the ball took them into overtime in Norman. For that reason I'm out on the Sooners. Put UCF in with their backup QB!

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

1 year

Lost both my parents in 2020 & still do that. I started a journal for each of them. I write in it when I really miss them, have a memory, or just want to talk to them. It’s been very helpful.

Rich Eisen

@richeisen

1 year

Literally just thought of calling my dad. He’s been gone a little over 3 years now. This happen to anyone else?

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

5 years

Refs already helping out the Patriots. Such bullshit. He tackled a runner.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

4 years

The next season of @SouthPark gonna be the best one ever.

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

3 years

The irony of Jon Gruden being taken down for old emails while the Monday Night Football team playing has a statue of a murderer in the front of their stadium. 😆

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Andy Ruther

@AndyRuther

6 years

Fun Fact: Woody Allen never made R-rated movies because none of his girlfriends were old enough to see them in the theater.

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