Night Vale podcast @NightValeRadio Twitter profile

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Night Vale podcast

4 years

Ready for an adventure? Need a few laughs? Read the newest Welcome to Night Vale novel, The Faceless Old Woman Who Secretly Lives in Your House. Available anywhere books are sold and via

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

6 years

Welcome to 2018, the year we finally do it. The year we eat the sun.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

7 years

Later tonight, a man unbound from time & space will leave boxes under decorated pine totems as assessments of children's moral worth.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

3 years

Snap, crackle, pop. That famous sound that can only mean one thing (you're over 30 and your body is audibly falling apart)

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

2 years

Why wait for New Year's? Just count down and scream at every midnight.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

6 years

He knows when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he lives inside your mirror, his human face is fake

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

5 years

If at first you don't succeed, there is another universe where you did succeed. That universe is a better place. Try to travel there.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

1 year

Unfortunately, *gestures around at just kind of all of it*

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

5 years

[sponsored tweet] New Never Ending Pasta at Olive Garden. We'll keep bringing you pasta. Even after you've gone home. When you're asleep. Long after you're dead. Every moment pasta.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

6 years

Silent Night. Holy Night. Very Silent Night. Please Be Quiet Night. If You Make Noise It Will Hear Us Night.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

3 years

Money can't buy happiness, but being able to never worry about bills ever sure seems like it would be nice.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

6 years

The fault is not in our stars, but in the moon. That idiot rock ruins everything.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

6 years

Ghosts are scary because they indicate we might be forced to exist for eternity after we die.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

3 years

When a person dies and no one will miss them, the mourning is assigned to a random human. This is why you sometimes just feel sad.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

2 years

Night Vale is happy to announce we are now selling NFTs!* *Non-Functioning Typewriters. We have two. No refunds.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

3 years

Wow! I made millions from home simply by being born rich and letting my wealth accrue on itself, and you can't too!

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

6 years

He drinks a whiskey drink. He paints a sausage link. He sues a skating rink. He makes a falcon wink.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

3 years

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you again, what is wrong with you? Why are you like this?

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

5 years

Pain is all in the mind. Unfortunately, so is your entire experience of the universe.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

7 years

Tired of your computer running slow? Tired of losing files? Tired? Really tired? Exhausted? Desperate for one moment of true rest? Tired?

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

4 years

How am I supposed to explain this to my children? Talk to them? Sit them down and tell them true things about the world? With words? In person? Ugh

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

3 years

"Good soup," I say as I stare dull-eyed into the void.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

6 years

We're so excited to tell you that Welcome to Night Vale is being adapted into a TV show! Plus, we're working on two new script books! More details:

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

6 years

How to receive constructive criticism: 1. Don't speak. Listen. 2. Maintain eye contact 3. Super intense eye contact 4. Keep those eyes locked 5. Move your head if you have to 6. Don't speak 7. Widen those eyes of yours 8. Eat their soul 9. Count how many times they blink

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

4 years

Drink more water. No, more than that. Drink entire lakes. Guzzle the ocean. Suck dry the universe. Your skin looks great

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

4 years

Don't hide your feelings. Frame them. Display them ostentatiously on the wall. Mount them on plinths, behind velvet-roped stanchions. Curate an exhibit of your feelings. Charge admission.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

5 years

Ask your doctor about dogs. Have a long conversation about how good dogs are. Show each other pictures of dogs.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

6 years

The heart wants what it wants. What it wants is blood.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

4 years

Just a reminder that when Shakespeare was quarantined because of the plague, he was really scared every single day and had trouble sleeping.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

5 years

A dog is man's best friend. A hawk is a woman's best friend. Other genders have their pick of everything else in the cosmos.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

3 years

If you hear movement in your chimney, please do not panic. It's only a secretive intruder who is here to judge your moral worth.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

5 years

A fun prank to play on someone is to tell them you think pranks are mean spirited & you would never prank them. Then, when they're not looking, really hold yourself to that belief.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

9 years

Death is only the end if you assume the story is about you.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

4 years

The moon will be closed for renovations this week. Please do not look at or think about the moon during this time. Thank you.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

6 years

Be the cryptid you want to see in the world.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

12 years

When a person dies and no one will miss them, the mourning is assigned to a random human. This is why you sometimes just feel sad.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

5 years

Stars! They're just like us! Volatile, mysterious and alone.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

6 years

Sleep like there's nobody watching.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

10 months

We are so excited to announce that Renegade Game Studios will produce and publish a Welcome to Night Vale table top roleplaying game, which will land on players’ tables in 2024! Stay tuned for more information in the new year!

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

7 years

As you look at the night sky believing you are alone in this universe, a creature somewhere in that sky is looking back, believing the same.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

5 years

"Nothing lasts forever." is a phrase with two meanings, and they're both true.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

6 years

If it's a big enough stone, you can kill way more than two birds.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

7 years

Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you will have plenty of time to regret your hubris as you drift for infinity through the void.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

1 year

A mafia guy who has really misunderstood "make it look like an accident" shouting WHOOPSIE every time he fires the gun.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

6 years

Time travel isn't real, but regret is.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

7 years

Relaxation tips: Take a walk, take a bath, pet a dog, steal someone's dog and keep it and it's your dog now forever, meditation.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

3 years

A murder of crows. An embezzlement of eels. A breaking & entering of foxes. An insurance fraud of bears.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

5 years

Millennials are killing the worship of those old statues out in the woods.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

5 years

You wanna be that way? Fine. Seriously, it's fine. I like you for who you are.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

4 years

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Averaged out, the times were basically mediocre.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

6 years

Guns don't kill people. Nothing causes anything. Life is a series of suspicious coincidences that only seem to be incredibly and empirically related.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

5 years

Be still my heart. Stop squirming in there. Stop it.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

2 years

Happy Solstice to all those who still believe there is a sun.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

5 years

Put your money where your mouth is. Right there. Near the bottom of your face. Put your money in there. Eat it. Eat your money. This has been financial news.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

5 years

For Sale. Used car. Completely normal car with a normal history. Never ever open the trunk.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

6 years

"Write what you know" is only half the saying. The other half is: "so know interesting things."

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

6 years

Chant softly and carry a weird stick.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

5 years

Don't buy a dog from an expensive dog store. Make your own dog out of simple materials and spare flesh you have around the home.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

6 years

If you're feeling lost, just remember that no one knows exactly how large the universe is or what is beyond it.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

4 years

During these difficult times, Night Vale is here for you. We're very close. Inches away. No, don't look.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

6 years

This post is sponsored by screaming. It helps!

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

6 years

Tonight is the magical night where we light squash on fire and lie to people about who we are.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

6 years

Goodnight stars, goodnight moon, Goodnight walls that seem to swoon, Goodnight death come all too soon, Goodbye stars, goodbye moon.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

4 years

Types of dog: 1. Good 2. Very good 3. Who's the best? 4. Weird 5. Imposter 6. Imaginary 7. Blue whale (big ocean dog)

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

5 years

Don't worry, the stars aren't watching us. They're looking outwards at what's coming.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

4 years

Quoth the raven, “Nah”

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

3 years

Nice moon. Be a shame if anything happened to it.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

4 years

I'm a little teapot, short and stout./why did you pour boiling water in me, oh god get it out.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

4 years

SPONSORED POST: Tide Pods. Remember when we seemed like a big problem?

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

6 years

When you linger nostalgically on your past, that pain you feel in your chest is the exit wound of time.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

6 years

Olive Garden: We've replaced your family.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

3 years

7 Habits of Highly Effective People: 1. Smiling at dogs 2. Time travel 3. Memorizing spells 4. Ignoring birds 5. Control of weather 6. Can juggle 7. Boatloads of candles

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

4 years

May all your dreams come true. All of them. ALL of them.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

5 years

Ghosts? In MY 19th-Century gothic mansion? It's more likely than you think.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

6 years

One for the money, two for the show, three for the buried statue of a forgotten god who died a long, long time ago

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

6 years

Next up, our couple will consider a 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom that is well under their budget. But it only has one ghost, and that ghost is lame and just turns the lights on and off occasionally. When we return on Haunted House Hunters.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

5 years

[Sponsored Tweet] How much does your soul weigh? How large is your love? How many mouse parts fit in your mouth? Coke Zero: There are no answers.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

6 years

True change starts with the person in the mirror. He's standing far behind you, barely visible. He's really going to change things.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

4 years

Who's a good boy? Trick question. We all are. We are all good boys.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

3 years

Current mood: Mad at the sun. It knows what it did.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

10 years

Last Christmas I gave you my heart. The very next day you were still quite shaken over this gory and incomprehensible gesture.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

7 years

Missed connection: I am a rock. You were near me. I have no idea who or what you are because I cannot perceive the world. I love you.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

6 years

To err is human. To forgive is also human. The possibilities of human action are multitude.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

4 years

Aim for the stars. We hate those things.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

6 years

Make like a baby and vocalize your pain.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

5 years

When I was a child, things were simpler. I'm sure that had nothing to do with me being a child rather than a fully reasoning adult and that things were just objectively simpler then.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

7 years

Scientific fact: Horses are technically just weird deer. Kangaroos are weird deer with pockets.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

6 years

Be the loose change you want to see under your couch.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

3 years

LOST DOG: Has no idea what he’s doing with his life. Can’t make big decisions. Feels fine, but just doesn’t know, you know?

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

5 years

If someone asks you if there's a full moon tonight, that person's a cop.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

7 years

♫ Head, shoulders, teeth & tendrils, teeth & tendrils / & eyes & eyes & eyes & eyes / Head, shoulders, teeth & tendrils, teeth & tendrils ♫

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

7 years

[THIS POST PAID FOR BY BIRDS] We aren't chirping you fools we're laughing because you all can't fly.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

11 years

Today you will meet a beautiful stranger. Actually hundreds of beautiful strangers. Everyone is beautiful and you know almost none of them.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

6 years

Today is sponsored by Clorox. No one knows who they paid to sponsor a unit of time, but it happened and we can't do anything about it.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

6 years

In our medical opinion, just about anything can be cured through the power of chanting and dream journaling. Our medical opinion is super wrong, but hey, it's free.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

2 years

New year, new you. You have 1 week to vacate your life and make room for your replacement.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

5 years

"What happens after we die?" is a question often asked about life. "When I am even going to use this?" is a question often asked about math. As it turns out, both questions have the same answer. Get ready.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

7 years

Airplanes are actually much, much safer than trains and cars when it comes to flying.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

3 years

I scream. You scream. We all scream.

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

6 years

Ask your doctor what that thing is. "What thing?" your doctor says. "That thing," you say, pointing up, "that horrible thing!" "The sky?" your doctor says. "It's awful!" you say. "I hate it!" "Yes," your doctor says. "We all hate it, but what can we do?"

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Night Vale podcast

@NightValeRadio

6 years

Better the devil you know, than the one you don't. He's a p cool devil. He has a playstation & likes good beer. No idea about the other devil. Idk, maybe he's fine?

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