Louis Virtel Profile Banner
Louis Virtel Profile
Louis Virtel

@louisvirtel

163,866
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1,250
Following
1,417
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29,380
Statuses

#KeepIt on Crooked Media, Jimmy Kimmel Live, Wikipidiot

Gloss Glamgeles
Joined September 2008
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
4 years
I love how Mitt Romney reappears once every three months to outshine the entire Republican Party by doing the absolute least.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
8 months
I cannot believe Bob Barker lived as close to 100 as possible without going over.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
6 years
Everybody who was fifteen when Taylor Swift wrote "Fifteen" is now 25. They can vote. Thanks for the wild guess about the lives of young women, though.
@GovMikeHuckabee
Gov. Mike Huckabee
6 years
So @taylorswift13 has every right to be political but it won’t impact election unless we allow 13 yr old girls to vote. Still with #MarshaBlackburn
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
5 years
The best part of being a flight attendant has to be when you walk the aisle saying “trash” to everyone’s face.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
4 years
I appreciate hearing everyone try to express the devastation of Chadwick Boseman's death, because the unbelievable shock of it paired with the new meaning of the defiance in his performances is basically beyond articulation.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
1 year
Once again Kristen Stewart is the Timothee Chalamet you've been waiting for
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
1 year
Jennifer Coolidge always talks like she’s trying to tell us a secret at a loud club.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
3 years
I have missed Oprah’s seamless transitions between curious observer, fun high school guidance counselor, and world’s greatest detective.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
3 years
I hope we can agree that 1980 is twenty years ago.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
5 years
I am shaken by the news of Malia Obama having opinions and friends. If she enjoys food or listens to music, I will be devastated.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
3 years
Did you know that if someone annoys you on social media you can unfollow them and you will never think of them again
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
2 years
Rami Malek is the guy who gives you a spooky speech before you enter your escape room.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
4 years
I'll remember Mike Bloomberg as a little bank that Elizabeth Warren regulated live on television.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
4 years
I wouldn’t mind if Elizabeth Warren gestured at Pete Buttigieg and called him “my sneaky fucking nephew over here.”
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
4 years
It's almost like Elizabeth Warren's entire career has been dealing with a million Bloombergs and he wasn't prepared for one of her.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
7 years
"Sarah Huckabee Sanders" sounds like something your grandmother yells instead of swear words.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
3 years
If you’re in a 500-person conga line screaming in victory with honking traffic, STAY IN LINE
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
4 years
I love grocery bags with no handles because I hold them on my hip like a tough divorced mom in the ‘70s.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
3 years
I’m looking forward to living a single day we won’t be reading about for years.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
4 years
Well, it's been six months, I'm ready for Saoirse Ronan to play an assertive young woman discovering her own strength again.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
5 years
You sit down on a couch in JK Rowling’s house and she’s like, “Careful, Dumbledore got railed there.”
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
5 years
Pete Buttigieg seems like the guy who opens a board game, reads the entire instruction booklet from front to back, and then calmly re-explains the rules 30 times to everyone drunkenly playing along.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
2 years
Reminder that Brenda Lee recorded “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” when she was 13. Props for achieving tipsy divorcee energy in middle school.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
7 years
"I was slightly inconvenienced!" screamed Ann Coulter, woman who claimed 9/11 widows were sad opportunists.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
4 months
Interrupting a respectful conversation to yell the words “ELIZABETH DEBICKI” is so far the only queer representation I’ve seen at the Globes
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
6 years
It's weird to see someone's spine actually leave their body.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
4 years
These gay kids just hitting a few buttons and zapping the Taylor Swift album to their phones. In my day you walked into Best Buy, placed the sensitive lady rock album under two Offspring CDs, and gulped as you approached a cashier named Todd.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
4 years
How does one even introduce Scott Baio to a millennial audience? "You know him from... nothing, here's Scott Baio."
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
2 years
In my opinion they will switch outfits mid-ceremony
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
5 years
Jane Fonda bringing out a different celebrity to get arrested with every week really puts the 1989 tour to shame.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
5 years
Straight men on Elizabeth Warren: “She messed up once and I can’t get over it.” Straight men on The Joker: “Really excited to hear his side of the story.”
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
6 years
Sorry to straight people who keep finding out their heroes suck but you should've listened to gays and worshiped 52-year-old actresses who specialize in monologues about their crumbling marriage.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
7 years
Sarah Huckabee Sanders always looks like she's trying not to seem drunk while asking a pet store cashier for eight beagles.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
7 years
Don't let the Ted Cruz porn story distract you from the fact that he is somehow younger than Jennifer Lopez.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
5 years
Can’t picture Elizabeth Warren sleeping. I think she sits with arms akimbo for eight hours, says “Welp,” then gets back up.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
6 years
Remember, you can always call your senator and leave a bloodcurdling scream.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
6 years
Facebook is where I go to watch childhood friends misunderstand the news.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
4 years
Someone needs to whisper "Madonna biopic" in Florence Pugh's ear once a day.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
27 days
Jolene apparently knows Dolly Parton *and* Beyonce so I can only assume the “flaming locks of auburn hair” belong to known hussy Willie Nelson.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
5 years
BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY and GREEN BOOK are definitely the best movies of the year unless you ask the communities those movies were supposed to represent.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
4 years
Maybe the worst thing about this presidency is there was never any doubt it would be exactly like this.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
3 years
Man whose every opinion is inescapable worries others will be heard
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
3 years
Everyone 35 and older is confused by Billie Eilish but she’s... very normal? A nice, relatable person who happens to dress like algae.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
4 years
*heart flutters*
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@iLLmak3Ufamous
Ese Negrito
4 years
What’s y’all’s funniest celeb Twitter interaction?
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
6 years
Say what you will about Paul Ryan but I think he's proven you can stand for nothing while also ruining everything.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
5 years
I want this picture printed on all money.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
4 years
I can’t explain it but Laura Dern and Toni Collette can never meet.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
3 months
It appears the Tracy Chapman of this generation is Tracy Chapman.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
5 years
I love that Big Little Lies is basically a half dozen of your favorite actresses saying “We’ll see about THAT” to each other a thousand times.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
5 years
Each float in the straight pride parade is 10 guys explaining a different Coen brothers movie to you.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
3 years
Because male gymnasts don’t have to dance during floor routines they should have to yell “Tah-dah” after every move.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
5 years
Instagram is down and now I have no idea how grateful my trainer is for a wife who helps him grow in faith.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
1 year
White Lotus has Mad Men energy: Maybe something horrible will happen or maybe two people will have a weird lunch.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
5 years
Happy 70th birthday to Meryl Streep, who has spent 40 years exceeding the hype and reminding you with polite smiles and subtle glances that she is untouchable.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
4 years
You know how Cher played all the parts in West Side Story that one time? Maya Rudolph should do that with Hamilton.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
6 years
Apple Events are the world's largest meetings that could've been an email.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
2 years
Is it cancel culture or did you do something stupid in front of millions
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
2 years
I'm not over Denzel Washington having his own haunting proverbs to drop at a moment's notice.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
5 years
If you throw a party at 9, Pete Buttigieg is there at 8:30 with ice.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
5 years
You should try this other app that ages you 50 years in a second called Twitter.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
5 years
Review: In her memoir, Marie Curie proves she's more than just a slut with some beakers
@washingtonpost
The Washington Post
5 years
Review: In her memoir, Debbie Harry proves she’s more than just a pretty blonde in tight pants
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
3 years
Hope he signed a prÆn-12p
@PageSix
Page Six
3 years
#BREAKING #EXCLUSIVE : Elon Musk and Grimes break up after three years together
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
4 years
Weird, not seeing any CDC exceptions for "It's nice out and I'm bored."
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
4 years
You're telling me there's a series called Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee but no Beloved Actors Getting Arrested With Jane Fonda.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
3 years
In some ways I still don’t believe Chet Hanks is real. Imagine if Meryl Streep was like “Meet my kids Mamie, Grace, and Bhad Bhabie.”
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
5 years
Here's a portrait of three legends I like to call "But Zero Grammys."
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
5 years
Just watched The Joker trailer. I hate origin stories but "Mediocre man wants to be funny" is the realest villain explanation I've heard yet.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
5 years
How Timothee Chalamet manages to be a quintessential 2019 heartthrob AND a 19th century women's horse racing superstar, I don't know.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
5 years
I don't know why you're all freaking out over miniature yet huge cats with human celebrity faces and sexy breasts performing a demented dream ballet for kids.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
2 years
I regret that kids today will never know what it's like to own only *one* album. You were ten and you listened to that one album for months until you got a second CD. But for the rest of your life you can quote Natalie Imbruglia's Left of the Middle like it is Richard III.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
3 years
If Elizabeth Warren widens her eyes and smiles at you during an interview, you said something stupid and are about to find out why.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
3 years
At least Fiona Apple won Best Alternative Album, which is like album of the year for people with clinical depression.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
6 years
Melania always looks like a visitor from the future who forgot what she was supposed to warn us about.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
5 years
Taylor Swift threw the first bachelorette party at Stonewall.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
4 years
Today I’m thinking about which actress would be best at saying “I’d like to speak to the manager” and I believe the winner is Laura Dern.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
2 years
Lord Licorice in Greta Gerwig's CANDYLAND
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
5 years
“Likable” is code for “She wouldn’t be mad if I talked over her.”
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
4 years
Remember, if you feel tired during quarantine, you might just be devastated.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
4 years
Dolly Parton needs a primetime special called Actually, I Have 5,000 Other Amazing Songs Besides '9 To 5' and 'Jolene'
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
2 years
After two years apart, gay people are reuniting with their aunts who have only one question for them: Have you heard of Schitt’s Creek
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
13 days
This generation knows nothing of CD booklets. They're just sitting around listening to music and have no idea there's 1,100 people Janet Jackson would like to thank.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
5 years
Big Little Lies is mostly about watching Oscar-winning actresses snap “Get in the car” at scared children.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
2 years
Remember when we thought an envelope mix-up was shocking
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
6 years
Judith Light giving you my favorite type of glamour: long lost aunt showing up to your grandfather's funeral to collect her inheritance
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
6 years
Jessica Walter made her screen debut before most of the other Arrested Development cast members were born, yet here they are talking over her to explain set dynamics.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
6 years
Maya Rudolph and Tiffany Haddish appeared and I immediately screamed "Thelma and Louise reboot" at a stranger.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
3 years
Page Six reports that Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen are getting... even closer as the years go by. 🥰
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
3 years
A picture from one of the best days of my life. You wait your whole life to get on this show and nothing is more satisfying than buzzing in and hearing this legend call your name for a response. An amazing emcee who loved seeing contestants perform at their best. I will miss him.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
5 years
I need someone on The Masked Singer to be Shelly Miscavige.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
5 years
The joy of Big Little Lies is that you know something terrible will happen but it’s never two men having a long conversation.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
4 years
Saoirse Ronan was put on Earth to make me dab my eyes walking out of a movie theater and say to no one in particular, “She believed in her own strength the whole time.”
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
4 years
If I’m not mistaken, J Lo and Shakira’s asses passed the Bechdel test all by themselves.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
4 years
Happy 71st birthday to Sigourney Weaver, who has spent a career literally looking down on cocky male characters.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
23 days
Happy 100th to Marlon Brando. He invented the idea that hot people could also be good at their job.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
5 years
I'm sorry but every baseball team should have one bored gay outfielder who sits in the grass and reads Jane Austen.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
4 years
I miss going to movie theaters and hearing the one gay friend in a pack of teens correctly answer preshow trivia about Cameron Diaz.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
6 years
You don’t have to be queer to go to Pride. You can hold up a sign that says “Marisa Tomei is a better actor than Leonardo DiCaprio” and we’ll be into it.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
4 years
Can't wait for this biopic so I can see the words "Jim Parsons is HAUNTING" in the trailer.
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@louisvirtel
Louis Virtel
2 years
I'm happy for Elmo but everyone's sleeping on the lovable and complicated king, Grover. He's a monster and also a superhero and also SO embarrassed.
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