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@Soaringeagle45

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Faith, Family, Freedom! My wife is the Bomb! No DM’s!!! Patriot who shares a little humor, old jokes, memes, etc. Laugh a little. John 14:6 ✝️ God wins!

These days wishing Florida
Joined January 2021
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
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@Soaringeagle45
🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
1 month
If you follow me or we become X friends I should say, you’ll learn that I… 1. Love the Lord with all my heart! 2. 100% adore my Queen! She’s my rock! 3. Share all different kind of corny jokes(might be wife jokes all in good fun) to break up these times we are dealing with in
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@Soaringeagle45
🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
A man asked his wife, “what would you do if I won the lottery?” She replied, “I’d take half and leave you” He responded, “Great, I won $12, here’s $6, stay in touch” 🤣
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
I ate a kids meal at McDonalds for lunch today... His Mom got all mad
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@Soaringeagle45
🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
Got kicked out of the cemetery this morning for... Yelling at all the Biden voters
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@Soaringeagle45
🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
3 years
My kids asked me what it was like growing up in the 70/80s... So, I took their phones away and unplugged the cable to the tv
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@Soaringeagle45
🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
3 years
My neighbor just yelled at her kids so loud that... I made my bed and brushed my teeth
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@Soaringeagle45
🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
I must be getting stronger... I can carry 300 dollars worth of groceries into the house in one trip
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
When that car you drew in first grade pulls up! 🤣
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
An elderly man was driving down I-95. “Bob! Be careful,” his wife shouted, “I just heard on the radio, there’s a car going the wrong way on I-95!” “It’s not just one car!” Bob yelled back, “There’s hundreds of them!”
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
3 years
Me waiting on my wife to come out so we can leave 😂
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
👇👇 funny 🤣
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
3 years
If you’re talking on your phone on speaker in a public setting, I think it becomes a community call and you can join in... Apparently, the lady didn’t agree with me 🤣
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
When I was little, had to go to bed at 9! Couldn’t wait to be a grown up so I could go to bed whenever I wanted... Turns out, it’s 9!
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
3 years
I’m best man at my buddy’s second wedding... Is it appropriate to open my dinner speech with... “Welcome back everyone”🤣
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
3 years
How much allowance did you get as a teenager per week?... Me...I was allowed to live there 😂
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
3 years
Yep!
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
3 years
To the lady at the store with all the screaming kids wondering how condoms got in her cart... You’re welcome 🤣
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
3 years
My wife wasn’t home this morning, so I packed my own lunch 🤣
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
🤣😂🤣😂
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
Come to you this morning with sad news from me. My Mom passed away early this morning. She’d been struggling with her health for quite some time. Pray for my family please. 🙏🏻 Taking a break from here for a bit. Love y’all friends! ❤️
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
My wife thinks it’s weird that I stare at the window during a heavy rainstorm... It would be a lot less weird if she’d just let me in 🤣
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
🤣😂🤣😂
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
Yes it was!
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes... She hugged me!
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
3 years
My neighbors like to listen to Lynyrd Skynyrd... Whether they like it or not 🤣
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
3 years
My wife says I have 2 major faults... I don’t listen....and something else 🤣
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
3 years
🤣😂 Yep!
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
Any Republican politician quiet right now, needs to go!!!
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@Soaringeagle45
🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
3 years
I got gas today for $1.89... Unfortunately, it came from the bean burrito at lunch 🤣
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
🤣😂🤣😂
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
My wife yelled down from upstairs, “Do you ever get a pain in your body like someone has a voodoo doll of you and they’re punching it?” I replied, “NO” She responded, “How about now?” 🤣
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
🤣😂
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@Soaringeagle45
2 years
🤣😂🤣
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
My kids asked me what it was like growing up in the 70s... So, I took their phones away, turned off the internet, and unplugged the cable
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
3 years
Yesterday, I purchased a world map...gave my wife a dart and said, “throw this and wherever it lands, I’ll take you there for vacation” Looks like we’re spending three weeks behind the fridge
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
🤣😂
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
😳😳🤣😂🤣
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
Gas done got so high that the mailman is working from home. He just called and read my bills to me. 🤣
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
Truth! 🤣
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
3 years
Today, I tested positive for sickofthiscrap-21... No cure yet and I may or may not be contagious
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
😳🤣😂
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
My wife texted me a selfie of her in a new outfit and asked, “Does this make my butt look big?” I texted back, “Noo!” My phone autocorrected my reply to “Moo!” Please send help! 🤣
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
3 years
You’ll hit every cone on the highway before I let you merge in front of me... Because you saw that sign 2 miles ago like I did 😂
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
3 years
Had a blast doing this!
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
3 years
I got gas today for $1.89... Unfortunately, it was from Taco Bell 🤣
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
Lots of truth in this pic! 🤣
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
3 years
I don’t know how to use Tik Tok but... I can write in cursive, do long division, and tell time on clocks with hands...so there’s that
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
🤣😂 That’s so wrong! 🤣
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
3 years
🤣😂🤣 yep
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
Good morning! 🤣😂
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@Soaringeagle45
2 years
🤣😂
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
3 years
This would definitely freak some people out!
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
Finally got my bride’s gift wrapped! 🤣
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
🤣😂🤣 Spot on!
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2 years
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
Some guy at the grocery store almost dropped a jar of mayonnaise on my foot... I said, “What the Hellman?” 🤣
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@Soaringeagle45
3 years
🤣😂🤣😂
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
My wife called me childish... So, I banned her from my fort!
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
3 years
When that car you drew in 1st grade pulls up 😂
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
3 years
Elementary kids have IPhones. When I was a kid, I put glue on my hands, just so I could peel it off when it dried.
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@Soaringeagle45
2 years
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@Soaringeagle45
2 years
After lunch, my wife asked me if I could clear the table... I needed a long running start, but I made it 🤣
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
3 years
I will carry 18 grocery bags into the house or hurt myself trying before I make 2 trips. 🤣 Truth!
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@Soaringeagle45
2 years
Truth!
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@Soaringeagle45
2 years
Some guy came to my door asking for a small donation towards the local swimming pool... I gave him a cup of water
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2 years
🤣😂🤣😂
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2 years
🤣😂🤣
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@Soaringeagle45
3 years
Talk about some pain! 🤣
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@Soaringeagle45
3 years
I joined a gym 3 months ago and still haven’t lost a pound... Tomorrow, I’m heading down there in person to find out what’s going on 🤣
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2 years
🤣😂
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@Soaringeagle45
2 years
I asked my wife if I had any habits that annoy her... Now I’m sitting through a power point presentation 🤣
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2 years
🤣😂
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
10 months
🤣🤣
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2 years
🤣😂🤣😂
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@Soaringeagle45
3 years
Went swimming yesterday. Took a pee in the deep end. Lifeguard noticed. Blew his frikking whistle so loud, I almost fell in
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@Soaringeagle45
2 years
🤣😂 B
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2 years
🤣😂🤣
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2 years
🤣😂🤣😂
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
25 years ago today, I married the most beautiful, loving, caring, funny, loves (could go on and on about her). She is definitely my Queen and thankfully, she still puts up with me after all these years. She is my Rock! The Lord has blessed me with her! Happy Anniversary to us!
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@Soaringeagle45
2 years
My wife hates it when I introduce her as my ex-girlfriend 🤣
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
3 years
My wife texted me a selfie in a new dress and asked, “Does this make my butt look big?” I texted back, “Noo!” My phone autocorrected my response to “Moo!” Somebody send help! 🤣
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
My baby girl turned 17 today. We adopted her at birth. She was born with a skin disorder called epidermolysis bullosa. She’s a tough cookie with all that she has to deal with. I was going to share a pic but people can be ugly and it would really piss me off! So, party time later!
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
3 years
I can’t imagine the emotions, etc. that are going through Kyle’s head right now. Y’all say a prayer for him tonight. 🙏🏻
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2 years
🤣😂🤣😂 🪥 🛌
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3 years
🤣😂🤣😂
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2 years
🤣😂 Run!!!
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@Soaringeagle45
9 months
If you could take a sec to pray for my boy, they were trying to do tricks in the shallow end of the pool and he went in head first and hit bottom. Knocked unconscious, we are at hospital now…he has awaken and now doing a CT scan on him. His Mom is back there with him now. 🙏🏻
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🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
3 years
A lot of kids today couldn’t handle Archie Bunker, George Jefferson, Richard Pryor, etc. They would have a total meltdown! 😂🤣
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2 years
🤣😂
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2 years
Wife told me I had to pack my own lunch today! 👍
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@Soaringeagle45
3 years
My neighbor banged on my door this morning at 3:30. Luckily, I was still up listening to my music. They said, “can we have a little respect, please?” I said “oh, a request, Aretha Franklin it is.” 🤣
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2 years
🤣😂🤣
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@Soaringeagle45
🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
3 years
👇 yep
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@Soaringeagle45
🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
When I was in kindergarten, I played Cowboys and Indians, toy cars and trucks, probably ate mud. Kids these days should be doing the same and not learning about sex!!!
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@Soaringeagle45
🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
To the person who just honked at me as soon as the light turned green... Well, now you have to wait until I finishing tweeting this to my friends 🤣
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@Soaringeagle45
🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
Putting new batteries in the wife’s food timer! 🤣
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@Soaringeagle45
🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
😳🤣😂
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@Soaringeagle45
🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
🤣😂🤣
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@Soaringeagle45
🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
3 years
Don’t piss off old people, the older we get, the less... “Life in Prison” is a deterrent.
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@Soaringeagle45
🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸
@Soaringeagle45
2 years
🤣😂🤣
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