Lily Potkin @MissPotkin Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

Two days ago, I decided to stop doing the dishes. I make all the dinners and I am tired of having to do all the cleaning too. SINCE THEN this pile has appeared and at some point they are going to run out of spoons and cups and plates. Who will blink first? Not me.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

So my friend called me this morning to talk about something that happened to her last night. She’s been trying to find someone to date…extremely casually. She doesn’t have time for a full blown relationship and basically all she wants is a nice man to have sex with.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

I see that judgey fucking Twitter has woken up so let me say this once and be clear - We do not 'live like this'. This is a lesson in wanting to be heard and respected and not having to repeat yourself when things slip. We're navigating the day-today in extraordinary times and

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

We keep our homes tidy because love. We cook food and set tables and fill the air with scents of roses and fresh laundry because love. Love is patient but love is also fucking tired because she works 14 hour days.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

for me, the past two days have been funnier than anything else. I think we're all entitled to run our own experiments, be amused, push a situation to its limit if we so choose. No one needs to be lectured by those that have failed to see the silly joy in what's happening here.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

FUCKING HELL, IT’S HAPPENING!

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

Day 3 - they’ve used the last of the big bowls and they’ve run out of spoons. No one is saying anything about the big pile but I can hear their brains ticking. No, family, I will not be loading the dishwasher today.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

I know we are ALL tired but I am most tired. Me. I AM ALL THE TIRED.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

Let me know when you want to talk about the fact that I stopped doing the laundry too. It’s getting a bit post apocalyptic. The piles are everywhere.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

NOT ME FUCKERS.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

Her asks her to take her clothes off. “Why?” “Come on!” *she looks at her Tupac t-shirt* “Are you a Biggie fan?” I am dead.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

You’re gonna have good days, bad days, and a lot of fuck it days, but people don’t like being taken for granted, especially by the ones they love the most. Period.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

There is a pan on the cooker with a single sausage in it. It’s been there for two days. I can’t look at it because it’s turned the colour of the man that washes up in Cast Away.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

Someone just discovered the joy of scraping rock hard old cereal off a bowl. Big day, BIG, huge.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

27 seconds of trying to scape that bowl, now multiply that by 6, and then multiply that by 7, then subtract the number of fucks I have left to give.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

WE HAVE MOVEMENT! The bin is being emptied after 965 days.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

The sausage of death.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

WE MADE IT! (I’m not doing that again)

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

*sucks teeth*

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

Spoke too soon. Irish has resorted to making tea with the baby’s weaning spoon and it using the emergency cup.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

SOMEONE JUST FORGOT THAT THERE’S NO TOILET ROLL IN THE DOWNSTAIRS LOO. Omg this is exciting.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

And his penis looks “like a 10 day old lonely saveloy, placed in the middle of a cheeseboard, that’s smothered in salmon terrine” Excuse me.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

BUT LOOK! Toilet roll has appeared! The downstairs loo is back in action!

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

It’s at this point that I want to let you know that my friend is a scientist. She thinks like a scientist. She behaves like a scientist. I am the only person in the world she likes.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

The last of the loo roll in the downstairs loo was used at 7:04pm last night. It hasn’t been replaced. They downstairs loo is now out of action for anyone that remembers. For anyone that doesn’t...god help them.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

“You’ve really made no effort” he tells her, as though she’s 5 years old and has failed to reproduce Michelangelo’s David with a tin of spam.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

And every other loo! The toilet paper stacking is extremely Costco. There’s A LOT. Everywhere. SO MUCH LOO ROLL.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

Help me understand, you message a women and agree to meet for coffee in the afternoon over the weekend. You want to have a video call with her before the date, presumably to verify whether you find her attractive. When that call happens, you decide it’s better to do it naked?

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

Readers…she went with it.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

Fin.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

4:41pm The dishwasher still isn’t on. The stress.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

@BibiLynch GET IN LINE. I’m already outside his house.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

She takes a moment then whispers “fuck you, weirdo” before hanging up.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

The dishwasher is now on.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

*David Attenborough voiceover* Now this is a most fascinating pile, a rare mix of items that historians will struggle to explain in years to come...

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

3 days. 3 days of not washing or picking up or tidying. 😂

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

Going for a shower to cleanse my soul.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

Well it’s happened ❤️

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

*David Attenborough’s extremely excited voice* Here we have some uniform, fragments of a monitor arm and some school uniform, all bundled closely together in the corner of the spare room. It’s been there for 36 days, unmoving, biding its time, but for WHAT? The mysteries of man.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

Q - Do I switch on the dishwasher? It’s killing me. Knowing the dishwasher is full but just sitting there is KILLING ME.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

He has positioned the camera so that he appears much like Rose in Titanic but instead of a glorious bosom, he presents a thatched chest that has the potential to hold back Russian forces for 6 months minimum. His legs are casually thrown over the side of the bed…

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

I am cry laughing. I am cry laughing so hard.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

Me: Did you not want to switch the dishwasher on earlier? Irish: I ran out of time Me: Irish:

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

Him: I want you to choke Her: On what? Him: Choke Her: *she feigns the sound of choking but like she’s choking on broccoli*

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

Dinner is happening. I have used two pans and one knife. The last knife. I’ve got 3 more pans and then it’s baking sheets :(

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

He tries to get this shit show of a sex show back under control Him: I want to see your tears Her: Sorry? Him: Cry, I’m going to make you cry Her: How? Him: By going so deep

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

THAT IS NOT WORSE THAN ‘LIVE LAUGH LOVE’ but yeah, it’s close. I fucking hate myself. 🤮

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

How is your day going? How are your meetings? How are you feeling? This is bad. Why? Because she’s basically Michael Douglas walking into that diner every minute of every single day. Bitch has to do gant charts and pivot tables. SHE DOES NOT HAVE TIME FOR CHIT CHAT.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

1. Commando roll off the bed. Camera is a phone so it looks EXTRA action shot-ey 2. Pretend you’re eating fistfuls of broccoli 3. Cry but like one of those clowns from the circus, cry like you’re explaining crying to an idiot Repeat.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

“Take it off, I want to see you” “It’s cold” “Take it off” “No” She snaps and decides she is NEVER taking it off and the more he insists, the more she wants to smother him to death.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

She looks at him, breathless, not in a sexy way, in the her lung capacity is shit way because we spend all our time smoking and eating pizza.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

MOTHERF...

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

“I’m disappointed in you”

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

Then he asks her to get her laptop. EXCUSE ME? HE wants her to get the laptop so she can show him all the angles of her body 🙄. Now if you know my friend, you know that he lost her at “can you get…” because AIN’T NOBODY MOVING if life is not in imminent danger.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

She has two options 1. Call out his absurd nakedness because none of their interactions have remotely dipped into the realm of sexy thus far Or 2. Go with it. She doesn’t want a husband, just orgasms and silence

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

He wants to do a video call before their ‘date’. Fair. She could be hideous or a Tory so it’s what I would do. Problem is that she’s busy. SHE IS A BUSY WOMAN. They don’t find time to call before the scheduled date so it gets pushed. Then, last night he messages her…

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

So she matches with a guy on Tinder. Great. And they set up a date for Sunday, so far so good. Now her first mistake is not telling him from the start that she just wants a nice man to have sex with, so he sends messages. Many many many messages.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

Me walking into the kitchen Him: Don’t step there! There’s mess on the floor! *starts cleaning* Wait what?

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

God give me strength.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

He doesn’t understand why her choking is extremely dramatic or why she’s using a knife and fork

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

Urgh no, stand down, hand wash.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

OH BUT WAIT!

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

She refuses to get the laptop and he starts to get a little frustrated. But not enough to not start masturbating. Yes. Oh yes. He is now touching himself.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

Completely naked.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

Guys...

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

DOES HE KNOW?

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

“Free to chat?” She looks down at the Tupac t-shirt she’s wearing and decides yes, yes she is free to chat and dressed appropriately for seduction. They jump on a call.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 months

The only Saltburn review you need to see.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

He is naked.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

There I said it.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

Again, she hasn’t managed his expectations well but let’s see what happens…

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

OH MY GOOOOOD.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

And then, just when you think there is no way you could ever love or respect a man such as this, he pulls out…

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

He stops touching himself.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

“Hey!” “Hi, nice to meet you finally!”

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

She responds the only way any sane person would in such a situation…

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

@metroOval *pulls up a chair* Let me tell you about a place called Essex

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

Hey, before you tweet something nasty to me or weaponise a tweet about laundry to somehow justify your weird gender war agenda, or attack my parenting or family, can I just say, I’m a totally normal person who’s a bit fucked off with dishes and you don’t need to be a cunt today?

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

Graffiti in Margate is proper savage.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

@bear_faced_lady All in a Tupac t-shit. Tears. Actual tears.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

I have no idea who this belongs to but MY GOD…this may be the best advert I’ve ever read. 😂

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

@halfsack1981 Good one ‘Ian’

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

2 years

I haven’t made the Halloween costumes for this year yet. I don’t know how I’m going to top last year.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

My only thought is I hope the queen was able to hold him in her arms and they were able to say “I love you”. That’s all you want at the end isn’t it? Love and knowledge that your life meant something to someone.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 months

The internet is FAST 👌🏼

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

Morning! (The house smells of bleach)

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

MORNING! Not a single cereal bowl in sight. It’s going to be a beautiful day.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

2 years

This is how you review a product.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

11:08pm and I’ve just received the news that I’ve landed my dream job. I work with the nicest people, have the most supportive managers a gal could dream of and I for the first time in my life HAVE MANIFESTED MY OWN SUCCESS. I’m not going to lie. I’m crying.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

2 years

Oh god I love this bird so much! 😂

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

Where is my stuff?

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

@LozMintster Tomorrow will be better. Love to you and thank you. x

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

Imagine feeling so entitled that you think it’s acceptable to tear a stranger down this way. You work on you, bebe. I’m going to be fine.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

@BCDreyer It’s all too much.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

3 years

It’s cute and funny and I beg you just take yourself off my comments if you’re not going to enjoy this petty stand that will undoubtedly end in fits of laughter and a swoony kiss of the ages.

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin

1 year

Want to hear something terrible? Well I’m going to tell you anyway, this is how it goes…

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Lily Potkin

@MissPotkin