Does the fact that I was doing what I was doing for my children magically erase the impact on them? Afterall, I'm a good person and I was trying my best and they should know that and be grateful and not complain. Right? My inability to hear about myself is a me problem.

The instinctive reaction is to treat the feedback as a criticism of my choice, or even of me as a person. Another option is to listen to the underlying need being expressed: a desire for connection with me. So I validated the feeling & asked how I could make things better.

Strengthening our bond requires getting over myself & my need to be seen as never having intended to cause harm. If I'm always right/allow my hurt feelings about being misunderstood lead, cos I'm a good person who's trying my best, I'm missing the opportunity to grow/be better.

I could easily have leaned into defensiveness, start to list all the things I did correctly. Do you remember when I lied at work that I had a doctor's appointment so I could take you the mall on your birthday because that's what you wanted????? How can you accuse me of this???

I was sure I tweeted about it back then

Look, we're going to hear about ourselves from the people we love and have sacrificed for and sometimes, we're not going to like what we hear. That's something we've got to be prepared for. Can we require them to only tell us that we're excellent or only say what we want to hear?

We know how we wish our own parents, or others who may have impacted us, would just listen to us tell them how we really felt, instead of dismissing it cos they were trying their best. Listening is hard but if we don't want to replicate unhelpful patterns, we have to do The Work.

@Gbemisoke Ha did she explain what she meant or give examples of the lost childhood...

@LaDoosh Here:

@Gbemisoke ❤️

@Gbemisoke Wow.... This is a beautiful piece

@Gbemisoke Oluwa! This is so real!

@Gbemisoke Ah! Nibo l tun jasi bayi 🥴🥹

@Gbemisoke Haa!

@Gbemisoke Hugs

@Gbemisoke "The opportunity cost of prioritising school and work to start a whole new career an an immigrant.." , rounding up my 2yr msc SW, just landed a council job. Bookmarking this to remind myself to intentionally try and makeup for the times I couldn't be there for them...

@Gbemisoke Hmm thanks for sharing,taking notes✍🏾

@Gbemisoke Your insights>>>>

@Gbemisoke Insightful!!! Love that we are going to do better than past generations in validating our kids feelings and knowing we parents have a lot of responsibilities beyond feeding, clothing and giving them good education not just dumping guilts on them or making them feel ungrateful.

@Gbemisoke One thing is certain, she will come to realisation at some point and understand “why”. I’m at that point where I try to put my relationship with my mom in perspective and I sometimes wish I cut her some slack.